lilone Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 I have an issue with my boyfriends ex girlfriend. We've been together for a year and a half and they broke up a year before we got together. He ran into her about 6 months into the relationship and we took a break because he wasn't sure what he wanted....... and then got back together a month later- after a long talk about everything. well, it has been a year and he ran into her at a work function (nationwide thing) and she has told him that I wrote her these letters and left voice mails and such.. (high school stuff) saying not to talk to him anymore and so on... well, she made up a fake email address for me and is sending him these supposive letters and he hasn't told me yet - now I don't know what to do and am wondering how to get all of this to stop and who he's going to trust and what not... please help! Link to post Share on other sites
come on I'm nick Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 Originally posted by lilone He ran into her about 6 months into the relationship and we took a break because he wasn't sure what he wanted Hey he isn't yours completely. If he wasn't sure to be with you or to stay with his ex, he still has some feelings towards his ex. And that means that if she's going to take him back, she'll get the target believe me. There's a rule: if a woman wants to take a man into her bed, she'll do that. The guy has a little chance to escape because of his nature. And if he has some feelings towards that girl he has no chance at all. Think it carefully. Ask him to move to another city or something if you really love him, but I'm not sure that you deserves such a guy that couldn't decide (though just for a moment but still it's a fact) which one of you to live with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 I understand your point, but I have a feeling that he's starting to realize that she is in need of MENTAL HELP i hope, and i really don't think he has feelings for her anymore, but it is apauling that she is trying to ruin our relationship because she feels if she isn't happy cause she doesn't have what she wants, then he can't be happy either with someone else. I don't know what to do... please respond. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 well, she made up a fake email address for me and is sending him these supposive letters and he hasn't told me yet - now I don't know what to do and am wondering how to get all of this to stop and who he's going to trust and what not... please help I am just curious about this. If you know about this, yet he hasn't been the one who told you... how did you find out? Link to post Share on other sites
come on I'm nick Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 Maybe I'll disappoint you, but be sure, she'll ruin your relationships. You've met a kind of woman, that thinks she've met this guy not casually. She probably thinks it's a destiny or something, but anyway she won't stop disturbing both of you. I can give you another one staff: if your boyfriend doesn't do anything serious to push this girl aside he probably doesn't want it really. He can tell you he loves you and hate his ex but on the other hand he can be deeply inside interested in all this bull**** because of his feelings for her. He can tell you that he has nothing for her and it's understandable if he doesn't want to lose you. But please don't try to find it out in discussion with your boyfriend, he won't tell you anyway. The only thing you can do is to ask him to move to another city, it's the only way. No, there's another one, but your boyfriend should take an active part in it. He has to show that he's really happy with you. In this case, if she isn't absolutely crazy, everything will work out. You know I was in such a situation. He has to insure her that he loves you very much. If he won't take an active part in it she'll get him back. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 from come-on-I'm-Nick There's a rule: if a woman wants to take a man into her bed, she'll do that. The guy has a little chance to escape because of his nature. Uh - no. If a guy ends up in bed with another woman it's because he chose to be there. This isn't like taking a piss - unless you're talking about rape, people have complete control over who they hop into bed with. I'm also curious about this ( from Sportsloving ) If you know about this, yet he hasn't been the one who told you... how did you find out? Regardless, if your boyfriend thinks she's mentally unbalanced, unless he's some kind of doctor, what does he think he'll be able to do about it? She will only ruin your relationship if he lets her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 he is very sweet to me and always tells me how much he loves me, and our relationship is great, I just don't know how to get her out of our lives and he can't move to another city, he just bought a new house a year ago and loves it there. so, any other suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 But again, how do you know that is she is sending him emails under an address that she created pretending to be you? Are you checking his emails and things? You asked who is he going to trust... but do you trust him? She can only do what he is allowing her to do. If she keeps in contact, I would be willing to bet he is either answering her or not making it clear that they are through. In fact, he has already left you for a time to be with her. It sounds as if you are worried, and I think you have every right to be. It doesn't sound as if she is your biggest concern: it sounds like communication and trust are your biggies. I would say it is time to talk to your boyfriend. Tell him what you know, HOW you know it, and ask him what he feels should happen. As far as her being mentally unstable... just remember you are only getting his side of the story. And you know Bluechocolate is right, she can only ruin your relationship if he lets her. Most of the answers or "cures" are going to have to come from him. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted May 5, 2004 Share Posted May 5, 2004 I too, am curious as to how you know that she is telling him this stuff if he hasn't told you. Anyways, it is mostly out of your hands. She is clearly letting him know that she wants him. She is also trying to make it look like you are behaving childishly. If and when he brings it up, talk to him and tell him your side. Then let him decide for himself who to believe and determine who he wants to end up with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 5, 2004 Author Share Posted May 5, 2004 Thanks for your advice everyone, it's just hard because I don't want him to know I know and I want for him to come out and tell me.... but as far as it goes, they have stopped communicating for a while and hopefully he told her off and let her go for good... how am I ever going to know? I hate this childish crap she's pulling and it's so frusturating and the frustration is whats building up inside. Is there anything I can do without confronting him with what I know? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 6, 2004 Share Posted May 6, 2004 I hate this childish crap she's pulling and it's so frusturating and the frustration is whats building up inside. Is there anything I can do without confronting him with what I know? IMO, your frustration (and resentment) are going to continue to grow and more than likely come spilling out in other ways. So instead of asking if there is something you can do without confronting him (no one mentioned confronting him, merely said you might want to discuss this all with him), why don't you ask yourself if your relationship is important enough to you to be able to tell him what you feel? I wish you luck, but as I said ... no one is going to have the answers that you need but your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 6, 2004 Author Share Posted May 6, 2004 thanks for the advice... I feel like talking to him about her, but everytime I do, it is almost as if he gets upset and tells me that it takes two to communicate and he loves me and not to worry about anything.. if he wanted to be with her he would-but he doesn't. so then what can I say? I simply say i know, and then that's it, and he thinks i'm jelous and it's irritating. I don't want to talk about her because it'll bring up thoughts and I hate that- anyways, on another topic, we've been talking about our future and i feel like it can't go anywhere with her in the picture and according to his emails, they haven't been communicating, so hopefully he found out the lies and confronted her to stay out of his life and our relationship - but she's still psyco and needs help! Link to post Share on other sites
come on I'm nick Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Good luck then, be happy and throw that girl away from your head. That'll make your life better and relationship with your boyfriend clearer. Just forger about her and have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
come on I'm nick Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate Uh - no. If a guy ends up in bed with another woman it's because he chose to be there. This isn't like taking a piss - unless you're talking about rape, people have complete control over who they hop into bed with. Just imagine a situation. A brilliant girl (or not so brilliant but anyways) want's to get you in her bed. Yes it's your choice to hop into but think carefully isn't it extremely difficult not to get in it if she's really trying. And who's choice was it finally hah? Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 thanks for the advice... I feel like talking to him about her, but everytime I do, it is almost as if he gets upset and tells me that it takes two to communicate and he loves me and not to worry about anything.. if he wanted to be with her he would-but he doesn't. so then what can I say? I simply say i know, and then that's it, and he thinks i'm jelous and it's irritating. Still not communicating. I wish you both luck, you are going to need it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 11, 2004 Author Share Posted May 11, 2004 okay, so do you think he still has feelings for her in the back of his mind even though he doesn't want to be with her, and then how about me? how are we going to move forward and get past HER?! Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Same advice you don't want to hear: YOU are going to have to talk to HIM. Link to post Share on other sites
come on I'm nick Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 If he doesn't do anything serious to get her aside, well then, probable she's still in the back of his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 okay, so now he's not talking to her or anything and I think he told her off, but I'm still akward because he hasn't told me what she did! I know it's because he feels it will hurt me, and I shouldn't have snooped.... anyways, now he's a little distant and with our schedules, we hardly see each other and I've asked him about marriage recently and he says i don't know. But he also says if he didn't see a future with me he wouldn't be with me (he's 27 and I'm 24). anyways, so now what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 Okay, so I want my boyfriend and I to live together and get engaged and he keeps saying that his parents don't want us living together until we're married- which is fine I guess, but we've been together a year and a half now and I know he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and when I talk about marriage, he says that he doesn't know yet, not to rush it, that he's not sure and I would think after this period of time, you would know, and it's not about the money issue, so- I don't know what to think. It's as if we already live together because I'm staying at his house all the time, but I still have my own apartment, and it feels like he's just not wanting to move forward- he keeps saying if didn't think about us being together forever, I wouldn't be with you - but then why not get engaged? I don't want to push anything, so what' s stopping him and what canI do, I feel like he gets it all with out the committment. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted May 12, 2004 Share Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by lilone Okay, so I want my boyfriend and I to live together and get engaged and he keeps saying that his parents don't want us living together until we're married- which is fine I guess, but we've been together a year and a half now and I know he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and when I talk about marriage, he says that he doesn't know yet, not to rush it, that he's not sure and I would think after this period of time, you would know, and it's not about the money issue, so- I don't know what to think. It's as if we already live together because I'm staying at his house all the time, but I still have my own apartment, and it feels like he's just not wanting to move forward- he keeps saying if didn't think about us being together forever, I wouldn't be with you - but then why not get engaged? I don't want to push anything, so what' s stopping him and what canI do, I feel like he gets it all with out the committment. Wow. Now you want him to talk engagements and marriage? You might want to try counseling before you two decide to do anything. You have a great many issues already facing as boyfriend/girlfriend, trying to push him into a decision he isn't ready for is only going to push him farther away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lilone Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 counseling? no I think we just need more communication. but how? I try to get him to communicate more, and we do, it's just not about us and our relationship and future.... why are guys so difficult?! Link to post Share on other sites
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