irc333 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) Something I'm noticing lately. There was this woman I had sent an email to, of course, got no response, like I don't get responses from hardly any.....which I've gotten used to I suppose. Just recently I had seen a woman put "Update" and then dating it as if it were a blog entry (there's another deal, people who treat dating profiles as if they were blog entries, lol) Anyways, she had a long-winded explanation of how she reacts when she responds and when she doesn't respond to "take the hint that she's not interested" Also, she said that she appreciates the compliments (she had a couple of nice swimsuit/bikini photos of her by the pool, so naturally she'd get compliments), but if she were to say "thank you" in a response, it would lead to some dialogue later on telling the guy she's not interested. So she's telling her audience, "Thanks for the compliments, but if I don't respond, I'm not interested." I would suppose this would indicate a hint of narcissism. That's like saying, 'Yeah, I know I'm hot, and thank you for the compliments, boys." Would you say that women who put these blanket responses, lecturing men "Hey, if I don't respond it means I'm not interested" to be a bit of a turn off to you men? Perhaps even a form of laziness? She even further complained that she's been on the site before, and it's proven to be a meat market. Seems when women start to sound like they're "lecturing" someone in their profile, well, they need to take a break from online dating altogether. Edited August 10, 2011 by irc333
zengirl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I kind of understand where she could be coming from. However, I'm more the type to say, "Thank you for writing, but I'm not interested. Good luck on here!" That said: SAYING that, quite frequently provoked guys to either keep messaging me (dude, I said NOT INTERESTED; now it's just awkward) or ask me why (not going there, and now my disinterest is amplified by your question) or curse/yell/write back something rude (just gross). So, I can see why after awhile someone stops writing; she might be the type who used to write back, but had bad experiences and now wants to make people understand she is still flattered even if she doesn't write back. . . while avoiding that crazy stuff.
oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Would you say that women who put these blanket responses, lecturing men "Hey, if I don't respond it means I'm not interested" to be a bit of a turn off to you men? Perhaps even a form of laziness? Turn off - yes. Laziness - no. I'm guessing she's had some guys send follow-up messages when she ignored them the first time and she's hoping to reduce that for the future. I only find it a turn off because I'm bored of clichés in dating profiles and I see this one a lot (and I like to think that I can get the hint that no reply means that she isn't interested in me so, personally, I don't need her to tell me that).
Emilia Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Probably don't disagree. I tried to influence men's expectations and correspondence as well through my profile because I used to get contacted by soooo many creeps when I tried online dating. I came across a little lecturing I think and I changed the tone when I realised that. In the end I gave up, too many weirdos and creeps on those sites, I have found real life dating much more effective. I suspect she will give up too if she isn't enjoying the attention from weirdos.
Professor X Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Something I'm noticing lately. You've been noticing a lot lately. All your threads start like this.
Author irc333 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 Also to add, there's another woman, who has a list of "Updates" she's added to her profile in an FAQ format. She has rather risque photos of herself (she's 40), and recently uploaded a couple of pics that would qualify for MAXIM Magazine. LOL Tight little denim shirt, with a spaghetti string blouse and a set of juggs stickin' out like no tomorrow. "Will you date younger men?" No, I will not, I date young men, but not that young, I'm not a cougar, lol" "Are you interested in FWB?" "No, I am not, I'm looking for a long-term meaningful relationship with a man" NO BOOTY calls! The list goes on, but it's funny how her LIST includes the sexual emails she's been getting, but yet her photos seem to desire attention from every guy wanting a one-night stand. It's funny how their pictures contradict what they're looking for in their profile.
Author irc333 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 You've been noticing a lot lately. All your threads start like this. Meh, this board has become inundated with online dating stuff recently, someone even suggested a separate thread for online dating.lol
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I kind of understand where she could be coming from. However, I'm more the type to say, "Thank you for writing, but I'm not interested. Good luck on here!" That said: SAYING that, quite frequently provoked guys to either keep messaging me (dude, I said NOT INTERESTED; now it's just awkward) or ask me why (not going there, and now my disinterest is amplified by your question) or curse/yell/write back something rude (just gross). So, I can see why after awhile someone stops writing; she might be the type who used to write back, but had bad experiences and now wants to make people understand she is still flattered even if she doesn't write back. . . while avoiding that crazy stuff. Yep. Any response is viewed as interest or as an 'in'. Or invites rudeness on their part if you say no. When I dated online, I wrote at the bottom where it said "Message me if..." and I wrote... If I message you first and you want to get to know me. I got to the point where I would not respond to any unsolicited emails at all... and I don't post pictures. That system worked really well for me. I only corresponded with people I was interested in. Anyway, I'm off now and I won't go back unless I want casual sex posing as a relationship. Most guys I've met there expect sex by the third date or are moving on. Alot of them are making moves on the first, or are using dates as 'therapy' sessions... I'm so tired of wasting my time with them.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 any man knows that creep to entitleled female is a male who doesnt meet every single item on how cheklist. go away troll
Andy_K Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 She has rather risque photos of herself (she's 40), and recently uploaded a couple of pics that would qualify for MAXIM Magazine. LOL Tight little denim shirt, with a spaghetti string blouse and a set of juggs stickin' out like no tomorrow. It's funny how their pictures contradict what they're looking for in their profile. Thing is, I don't see this as a contradiction. Where is it written that you only show off skin if you're looking for a f***? There is no shortage of girls who will dress hot frequently, but only a small percentage of them that are just after sex/short term arrangements. Most want something more meaningful. Sure, it'll scare off many guys who are looking for something serious. The judgemental ones that she probably doesn't want anyway. But there's no shortage of guys to choose from online for a hot girl, so it's still perfectly easy for her to find a decent one this way. If I'm single, I want a relationship with a girl who looks hot, not one who dresses like a nun to show she's a 'good girl'. And I'm not the only guy who thinks that way...
CatNtheHat Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 she has an entitlement complex That is your answer for everything.
CatNtheHat Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 any man knows that creep to entitleled female is a male who doesnt meet every single item on how cheklist. I suggest you try to change your attitude and use spell check.
CatNtheHat Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 its a true answer. enititled females make everything complicated the way they like it Until you can come up with an intelligent answer and spell all the words correctly, I have to stop responding to you. Bye.
sm1tten Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I didn't bother with disclaimers, because most men did not bother to read them. If the guy wrote me a message and I wasn't interested, sometimes I answered and said so, sometimes I didn't. If I have to tell you that "no answer" is a "no" answer, then you're too dumb for me to date anyway. I sometimes think that people put those kinds of cliched disclaimers in their profile to make it sound like they are getting more messages than they really are, actually - as though they can afford to be more selective and therefore if they answer you, then you must be special. But I don't really know. I don't think having sexy pictures on your profile contradicts with the desire to have a serious, long-term relationship. But you'd think that if she was getting mostly pictures of the "booty call" variety she'd wonder what in her profile was eliciting that response (other than her being a female, which frankly is enough) and then try to adjust that.
thatone Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 i think that's exactly what it is, they are terribly self conscious about the inability to find their perfect pair of shoes...err...balls (because they see online dating like shopping at the mall) and when they don't find exactly what they want they go into crazy mode and think by making themselves seem less approachable they can con men into thinking they're more desirable.
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 You've been noticing a lot lately. All your threads start like this. I was just gonna say the same thing! Most of his threads say he's been noticing something, which plies it's happening often, when it's really just one person/woman/instance.
zengirl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Yep. Any response is viewed as interest or as an 'in'. Or invites rudeness on their part if you say no. When I dated online, I wrote at the bottom where it said "Message me if..." and I wrote... If I message you first and you want to get to know me. I got to the point where I would not respond to any unsolicited emails at all... and I don't post pictures. That system worked really well for me. I only corresponded with people I was interested in. Anyway, I'm off now and I won't go back unless I want casual sex posing as a relationship. Most guys I've met there expect sex by the third date or are moving on. Alot of them are making moves on the first, or are using dates as 'therapy' sessions... I'm so tired of wasting my time with them. I never (well, rarely, and WAY less often than in life) met guys online who were into sleeping with me early or being pushy. But maybe I just never wrote those guys or never wrote them back. While I've certainly not found all guys online to be the greatest, I do better with them than real-life guys in terms of %s (the ones I actually date), but I think it's because I know them better by the time I go out with them. From online, I was more likely to wind up on a date with someone I wasn't attracted to -- bummer -- certainly, but almost never wound up on a date with someone who was a jerk or boring, which happened often with real-life guys.
FitChick Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 If the website has this feature, I send one of the generic responses. If the guy protests, I block him from further contact.
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