ThsAmericanLife Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 For this guy the whole thing is a game and a power trip. I make good money and i know it is a pleasure to spend like that, however, I have an idea of when a gift is was too much too soon. This guy was simply buying good sex. Yep ... and a guarantee of being able to 'tap that' at HIS convenience at a later date. Hey, you can't blame him for being efficient. This whole thread from the OP is her wringing her hands about how to 'behave' now he's got her in the corral. If she had taken her time, there would be minimal or no hand wringing... She did get a nice pair of shoes out of it. I'd have a hard time wearing those shoes in the future if I knew they were bought and paid for with my vagina and self-respect... but hey... don't listen to us!!
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Right?! The bitterness and jealousy are never more apparent than in threads like this. How is sex after 5 dates too soon? If you like each other and things are going well, I see no need to wait more than a few dates. If the sex is bad, I'm not going to bother with the guy, so I might as well find out sooner than later how it is. As for the $800 gift, fellas, I've got news for you -- a guy who has the money to spend and who likes a woman has NO problem spending some money on her. One of my earliest dates with this well-to-do guy started at a high-end grocery store. We were going to cook a multi-course dinner with lots of expensive seafood, and he told me to pick out anything I wanted. By the end of the trip, he had spent over $100, and he thought nothing of it. A month later, he invited me on an overseas vacation that cost $2,000+, and again, thought nothing of the money. OP, ignore these bitter men who are angry they aren't getting sex, they don't have this kind of money to throw around, and they aren't in high-profile career positions. No matter what happens from here, you had some good times, and you'll be just fine. Sorry, but I am having great sex nearly every day and I make very good money. Why are you attacking the messenger with issues that have no relationship to the thread? I think that sex too soon is a bad idea. If you think it is great go ahead. It is no wonder you find bad sex when you do it so soon. And if you accepted all that dinero from this man so soon I am certain it got you NOTHING. I don't have an issue with spending money. In fact, I am the guy that pays for everything in ALL dates. Just read my prior comments on the thread "WHO PAYS?". I still think that giving an expensive gift to your new date is not proper. Furthermore accepting the expensive gift is even more improper. I don't say it is improper because of the money. I am talking about trying to buy another human.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I think it was unwise to have sex with him prior to his leaving for a month for this exact reason - now you're twisting yourself up trying to figure out what he's thinking and what actions you can take to manipulate what he's thinking. You don't know if he's busy, losing interest, or whatever. And no, you can't pull back the p-card after you've already given it up and expect that to initiate interest. Was it too soon? Who knows. Should you have accepted the gift? Who cares. Water under the bridge now. Look at it two ways - you had some nice dates, some presumably good sex, and you got some shoes out of it. No one got used and no one got hurt, although maybe it won't go anywhere and you'll end up disappointed. Or, you had some nice dates, some presumably good sex, and you got some shoes out of it. No one got used and no one got hurt, and when he comes back you can proceed to continuing dating. Either way, you can learn from this experience. Don't get sexually or emotionally attached too quickly. (And "quickly" varies by person.) Don't bother playing games. Own your decisions. Reciprocate his actions with your actions (he's contacting you less? Don't bombard him with texts, for example). nice post...
April72 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 This is an age old dilemna... and I never can figure it out. I have friends that met in a bar went home for a ONS and fell in love and now very happily married. I don't know what causes one man to stick around and another to lose interest. How a man can have sex when he's not interested or even attracted to the woman... but it happens. So bottomline there is no telling what your guy is thinking. But I would play it cool and let him take the lead. Respond to him but do not iniate. And if he's out of town he's out of his normal routine and that might be part of it. Good luck. Oh and I want to have sex with your 800.00 shoes.... if nothing else you got rockin' shoes.... and I love shoes!!!
todd Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I still think that giving an expensive gift to your new date is not proper. Furthermore accepting the expensive gift is even more improper. I don't say it is improper because of the money. I am talking about trying to buy another human. What is an expensive gift to someone can be completely acceptable to another. It all depends on the two individuals in the relationship. If a man is making high six figures to millions of dollars a year, an 800 dollar pair of shoes is the equivalent of an 80 dollar pair that a blue collar might buy at jcpenny or some other retailer. That 800 dollar gift is the equivalent of 2 or 3 hours of income for him. Not a big deal in my eyes. If the girl is not comfortable with that kind of money being spent on her, based on the length of the relationship or the life she has grown up in so far, then it is her job to make it known. Its best to go this route for the guy then portraying yourself as a successful individual, but acting as if you are on welfare and food stamps when it comes to courting her and giving her gifts. Like I said, some women don't feel comfortable having money spent on them like that or feel they need 800 dollar shoes when 80 dollar shoes work just as well, but it depends again on the situation, the relationship, and the lifestyles both of the partners are accustomed. Even though I am a successful businessman and I am willing to spend 100s of "pieces of paper" to get my girl a gift, I persue women that do not need of want it. I am more of a naturalist and love the outdoors, so a girl like that just wouldn't fit to me but to each their own. If he can give her that lifestyle and she is comfortable with it then more power to it.
Spices Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 This thread reminds me of Amy Winehouse's song "F*** me Pumps" http://youtu.be/PsLf2yHhLc4 "You don't like players, That's what you say-a, But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire. You don't like ballers, They don't do nothing for ya, But you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller. You're more than a fan, Lookin' for a man, But you end up with one-nights-stands. He could be your whole life, If you got past one night, But that part never goes right. In the morning you're vexed, He's onto the next, And you didn't even get no taste. Don't be too upset, If they call you a skank, Cuz like the news everyday you get pressed."
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 What is an expensive gift to someone can be completely acceptable to another. It all depends on the two individuals in the relationship. If a man is making high six figures to millions of dollars a year, an 800 dollar pair of shoes is the equivalent of an 80 dollar pair that a blue collar might buy at jcpenny or some other retailer. That 800 dollar gift is the equivalent of 2 or 3 hours of income for him. Not a big deal in my eyes. If the girl is not comfortable with that kind of money being spent on her, based on the length of the relationship or the life she has grown up in so far, then it is her job to make it known. Its best to go this route for the guy then portraying yourself as a successful individual, but acting as if you are on welfare and food stamps when it comes to courting her and giving her gifts. Like I said, some women don't feel comfortable having money spent on them like that or feel they need 800 dollar shoes when 80 dollar shoes work just as well, but it depends again on the situation, the relationship, and the lifestyles both of the partners are accustomed. Even though I am a successful businessman and I am willing to spend 100s of "pieces of paper" to get my girl a gift, I persue women that do not need of want it. I am more of a naturalist and love the outdoors, so a girl like that just wouldn't fit to me but to each their own. If he can give her that lifestyle and she is comfortable with it then more power to it. I said it was not about money and you wrote an entire post implying I was talking about the money (or expense). I have given my partner a $12,000.00 mink coat. Money is not the issue. We are talking about accepting gifts way to early in a relationship.
todd Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 It wasnt completely associated to your post, however you did note about expensive gifts and trying to buy a human being. I was simply speaking in those terms. I do not care if you bought your wife a $12,000 mink coat. If that is how you want to waste.. I mean spend your money, more power to you. That is your right and you are free to do what you want. I am saying even though it might look like someone is trying to buy another, I personally do not think that is the case, because in my eyes it was a small gift. In this situation, if he was trying to take her on a minivacation for the weekend after the 2nd date, I would say buyer beware. However, it was a small gift and does not hold any significant weight in my eyes of him trying to buy her.
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 It wasnt completely associated to your post, however you did note about expensive gifts and trying to buy a human being. I was simply speaking in those terms. I do not care if you bought your wife a $12,000 mink coat. If that is how you want to waste.. I mean spend your money, more power to you. That is your right and you are free to do what you want. I am saying even though it might look like someone is trying to buy another, I personally do not think that is the case, because in my eyes it was a small gift. In this situation, if he was trying to take her on a minivacation for the weekend after the 2nd date, I would say buyer beware. However, it was a small gift and does not hold any significant weight in my eyes of him trying to buy her. Giving an expensive gift to your wife or long term committed GF is not the same as given that sort of present to someone you have dated a few times. I truly think is tacky and awkward and I am highly disappointed in the women that actually accept these gifts. Maybe sometimes there is no harm or foul, but if you were watching this plot in a movie you would be suspicious of the guy and his intentions.
todd Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Again who is to say that is an expensive gift compared to their financial positions. I see it as the equivalent of someone who maybe makes 60k a year that buys his date a 50 dollar gift when they are out. I would agree that it could cause questioning of intentions, but again it all depends on the situation and the financial position of the individuals.
bluenightowl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Giving an expensive gift to your wife or long term committed GF is not the same as given that sort of present to someone you have dated a few times. I truly think is tacky and awkward and I am highly disappointed in the women that actually accept these gifts. Maybe sometimes there is no harm or foul, but if you were watching this plot in a movie you would be suspicious of the guy and his intentions. I agree. I'm guilty of doing this myself and would never do this again at an early stage of a relationship. It does several things: a) it make YOU believe you are in a relationship when you are not yet b) it might freak her out c) she accepts them and you create even more assumptions about the status of your 'relationship' and if it ends might make you feel not so great for doing too much
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Giving an expensive gift to your wife or long term committed GF is not the same as given that sort of present to someone you have dated a few times. I truly think is tacky and awkward and I am highly disappointed in the women that actually accept these gifts. Maybe sometimes there is no harm or foul, but if you were watching this plot in a movie you would be suspicious of the guy and his intentions. Yes, the 1 CT TW nearly flawless diamond earrings I received on my 5th wedding anniversary from my (now) ex-husband were not expected... AT ALL... And not rejected either If he presented them to me at our 5th date instead of our 5th wedding anniversary, I would have run for the hills. (FYI... I did offer to give them back when we got divorced. He wanted me to keep them)
oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (FYI... I did offer to give them back when we got divorced. He wanted me to keep them) I hope you still wear them!
Hot Chick Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 So you're not supposed to accept a birthday gift from a guy you're dating or you're a golddigger? This guy hasn't bought her a car or even diamond earrings. He has taken her out to dinners and bought her a birthday gift. I am in no way seeing how that is him trying to "buy" her in any way nor is it her being a "golddigger" in anyway. If she refused a birthday gift from a guy she's dating, he would take it as a rejection - that she is not interested. I would feel that way if I bought a birthday gift for a guy I'm dating and he refused to accept it. This is just "boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they date, he buys her a birthday gift." I am not seeing how there is anything inappropriate here.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Again who is to say that is an expensive gift compared to their financial positions. I see it as the equivalent of someone who maybe makes 60k a year that buys his date a 50 dollar gift when they are out. I would agree that it could cause questioning of intentions, but again it all depends on the situation and the financial position of the individuals. I agree. A gift is just a gift. When I give anyone a gift, at any price, I don't give it to get anything back. I give it because I want to give it. Pierre, you're assigning all this meaning to gifts that just isn't there. These are your personal feelings, not the truth.
musemaj11 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 When I think about it, if I were a young woman in her early 20s, I would probably try to gold dig as much as I can. I mean because I know that by the time Im 28, my opportunity will get lower and lower and in no time, Im going to end up being an old spinster living with my cats like most of the women on this forum.
Pierre Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) I agree. A gift is just a gift. When I give anyone a gift, at any price, I don't give it to get anything back. I give it because I want to give it. Pierre, you're assigning all this meaning to gifts that just isn't there. These are your personal feelings, not the truth. I don't expect anything in return after giving a gift. However, I suspect the gift recipient could feel uncomfortable by having to accept the 800.00 shoes. Obviously some women feel is tacky whereas other women see nothing wrong. I don't have aproblem with gifts. However, I have a problem with giving the impression that now she has some sort of obligation after I have given her the shoes. I don't have an issue with the gift if they were an official couple in a long term relationship. Otherwise, it smells like a dude buying some vagina. I don't like the idea of buying vagina even though I like to always pay for the dinner bill. Edited August 11, 2011 by Pierre
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) Alright... noone has asked the really pivotal question here... Could she say no to the shoes and just ask for cold hard cash instead?? Cause that's what I'd want. What the heck would I do with $800 shoes? to go with my fake Louis Vuitton and Coach bags (not really, I don't buy that junk)... drive around in my Subaru?? Wearing my fancy "Limited", "Gap", or (ooo!) Ann Taylor duds?? naa! Just give me the cash buddy. I'll put it in my 401K or something else that will hopefully have some time value of $$ long after he is gone. unlike my vagina... that would actually APPRECIATE in value as I get older. ha ha. Edited August 11, 2011 by ThsAmericanLife
Hot Chick Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 muse, you don't even make any sense. He is the one who bought her a nice gift. She's not trying to gold dig. Obviously she likes him and has developed an emotional attachment to him. It has nothing to do with her "trying to gold dig." You are just jealous because you are not able to get a date. You need to focus on self-improvement because it's obvious from your bitter potshots at posters that you are very insecure with yourself as a man.
musemaj11 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 muse, you don't even make any sense. He is the one who bought her a nice gift. She's not trying to gold dig. Obviously she likes him and has developed an emotional attachment to him. It has nothing to do with her "trying to gold dig." You are just jealous because you are not able to get a date. You need to focus on self-improvement because it's obvious from your bitter potshots at posters that you are very insecure with yourself as a man. Lol, she said it herself that she liked him because he was rich. Also it speaks volume about her materialism with the way she brags about getting a $800 pair of shoes as a gift and goes as far as posting a website of it. I mean how can you get any less classy than that? If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, then it is a duck.
Hot Chick Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 She didn't say rich, she said successful. Her point was that since he would buy her such a nice gift, he must like her. You are just jealous that you don't have a lady in your life and that you are not successful, either.
dispatch3d Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I'm dating this guy. He's a CEO of a well-known company. We went on 5 dates and he really tried to impress me by taking me to all the best restaurants and even bought me a pair of $800 shoes for my birthday. What the ****. I don't get this one.
dispatch3d Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 muse, you don't even make any sense. He is the one who bought her a nice gift. She's not trying to gold dig. Obviously she likes him and has developed an emotional attachment to him. It has nothing to do with her "trying to gold dig." You are just jealous because you are not able to get a date. You need to focus on self-improvement because it's obvious from your bitter potshots at posters that you are very insecure with yourself as a man. Are you joking? A girl who accepts $800 shoes, and makes a successful CEO "impress her" isn't a gold digger? Yeah ok, I'm the president of the united states.
daphne Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I highly doubt a CEO level guy would put up with not getting sex especially when he has been paying a lot of money. Incorrect. You clearly don't know any "CEO level guys."
daphne Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I have those! :love: And... I have yet to wear them. They are hidden in my closet. You need to wear them. They aren't doing you any good in the closet. I have the exact same pair myself. And in gray flannel too. :bunny:
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