oaks Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I suppose I could work out, and lose weight. But I'd still have this ugly face. Tough love coming up... brace yourself. So you'll be ugly instead of fat and ugly. Sounds like an improvement. Why wouldn't you try to improve yourself if you're not getting the results you want?
somethingsimple Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Sometimes, I gain this confidence (or cockiness rather) when I meet women and I feel that this girl is extremely attracted to me and that I'm doing her a favor by hitting on her. Now, I don't always feel this way, but when I do I ALWAYS succeed, or at least never remember rejection haha. Here's what happened last week. I went to a birthday party last week at a restaurant turned bar during the after hours. I only knew two people there and there was about fifteen people attending the dinner party. So I get introduced to everyone and I caught that this was girl was checking me out. Then I had the "confidence feeling". Well so I ate, socialized, chilled. I saw her get hit on, holding some guy's hand, but I just knew that she wanted me and that wasn't her bf (cockiness, yeah). So I went outside to hangout and she was there with two other guys who I assumed was trying to chat her up. I happen to be standing there and got in the conversation. The next thing I knew I took her and was like lets go dance. Well it didn't last long, cause for some reason when we got on, everyone else dancing left the dance floor. So we went back outside at this point, we were really flirty. I was just saying whatever I felt like cause I knew I had it in the bag. At one point I was like "I just turned 21". She replied "really? I'm 28". Then I was like j/k I'm 23. Which led to her asking me when my bday was I said October (true). She was like "A Libra". Then I said something to the effect, "Don't even trip, no matter what you are, I already know we're compatible". I got her number and we have a rain check on a date when schedules permit. The moral of story, have confidence and don't care, because you shouldn't.
somedude81 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 So much generic advice in this thread. AHardDaysNight, how often/regularly do you interact or flirt with girls?
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 So much generic advice in this thread. AHardDaysNight, how often/regularly do you interact or flirt with girls? Not much recently. The last time I talked to a female friend was 8 months ago, and I am a hermit, don't get out much. I know I'm somewhat at fault for this, but I don't see how I can just "turn off" social anxiety. I've been diagnosed for the condition, am on medication.
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Dating does not come natural to you. I suggest you befriend women and just tell them you like them. They will get the message. You could say: "Every time i hang out with you I fall in love".
Pierre Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 ^ That's an idea, Pierre. Who was better? John or Paul? Pretend you are John and Paul all in one guy. That may help your dating.:laugh:
GivenUp0083 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Does this apply to you? Have you tried online dating? I think it is the easiest and least intimidating way to start out. Well it sounds like you need some confidence. Women like a confident guy. NO! NO! Online dating is a very bad idea, don't do it. If you were a woman I'd suggest it immediately, as a man you will only be more frustrated and meet subpar women. Don't subject yourself to that. Confidence is a word people throw around because they really don't have an answer for you. I say you need to display more "content" within yourself. You need to be happy with your own life as a single person. Are you? Can you display that? This is how you display your contentiousness: act like you don't care what happens. If you are content, you're not afraid to say hi to a random girl at the coffee shop. Why? Because it doesn't matter to you whether she says hi back. If she does, GREAT! If she ignores you or walks away, oh well, you didn't lose anything, you're already in a pleasant mindset without her. You have to have something going for you and you have to show that you are already happy as an individual. If you can achieve that and display that, then you may attract women much easier as people are naturally drawn to positivity and happiness. Think about it: would you rather approach a girl with a sour look on her face or a girl who is reading a book and smiling? Don't be afraid to approach girls you find attractive and learn to banter with them. Talk about the weather. Ask them if their a fan of the local team. Notice things about what they're wearing or carrying and ask them about it: "oh hey, are you from Florida originally or did you just visit there?" Most important thing is to NOT be intimidated. Remember, they are just women, that's it. A woman.
somedude81 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Not much recently. The last time I talked to a female friend was 8 months ago, and I am a hermit, don't get out much. I know I'm somewhat at fault for this, but I don't see how I can just "turn off" social anxiety. I've been diagnosed for the condition, am on medication. Then that's the issue right there, the most important one that needs to be taken care of first. I don't have any knowledge about social anxiety but it sounds like it would be a good idea for you to put yourself in situation where there are a lot of women around. Then you can practice making very light small talk with them.
somethingsimple Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 It really is as simple as confidence. Just put all girls in the same level, cause attractive or not they're on the same level. Especially, if they're strangers. Put your friends and family first and somewhere in there yourself. Then at the bottom strangers, right above people you hate and criminals. Right above strangers, people you have acquaintances with. Once you have this straight, girls will flock to you. Let these girls work to be a part of your life. Don't put them at the top cause they're attractive. Girls want a partner, not followers. They have twitter for that.
todd Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Not much recently. The last time I talked to a female friend was 8 months ago, and I am a hermit, don't get out much. I know I'm somewhat at fault for this, but I don't see how I can just "turn off" social anxiety. I've been diagnosed for the condition, am on medication. Isnt the point of meds somehow suppose to help you overcome that problem then? Doesn't seem to be working to well does it considering you are still a hermit and haven't talked to girls in 8 months? Personally I think this is ridiculous that a doctor is prescribing meds for something that can probably be solved by simply getting off you butt and going out. If you want medication that works for your issue, its called getting active in living life. Go to the gym and start shedding excess weight, join a running club that has people (maybe some girls) you can interact with, get active, get healthy and get some confidence. That is the best medication you can be on right now. I do not mean to sound like a dick, but get off your ass and go out into the world. If you want to change, only you can do that. Don't expect a girl to come along as say heres a broken kid that doesn't have any confidence in himself, lets date! If you do not have the balls to take the steps to improve your odds with ladies then you don't deserve to be with someone. Again I am sorry if I come off as a bit of a dick, but how can you expect to get into a relationship if you havent talked to a girl in 8 months and don't seem to be doing anything to try to change that other then through talk. Improve yourself, have confidence in yourself and what you want, and then go get it. I think someone had a great post alittle while ago about becoming confident in who you are and the place you are at so when you talk to a lady and it doesn't pan out you are still satisfied with the path you are taking. Rejection is not that big of a deal, everyone and I mean everyone in this world has or will be rejected by someone else. Your anxiety has been met by everyone at one point in their lives. It is not a big deal once you have been through rejection acouple times and find out that you are still alive and still like who you are as a person. Rejection isnt a bad thing, it just means you arent compatiable with that person so you go on to the next and find someone that you ultimately do connect to.
serial muse Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Then that's the issue right there, the most important one that needs to be taken care of first. I don't have any knowledge about social anxiety but it sounds like it would be a good idea for you to put yourself in situation where there are a lot of women around. Then you can practice making very light small talk with them. I think this is a very good suggestion...desensitization does actually help. (I have mild social anxiety myself, but I find that it's easier for me to socialize when I do it more often; sometimes I plan multiple events in a single day because it's easier to psych myself up and move from social event to social event than to have a lot of downtime to worry between events.) Just from what you've said, there are two separate issues: 1) you're worried that your looks aren't attracting women; and 2) your anxiety keeps you from seeking out interactions and improving your odds of finding someone. But reading between the lines, 1) isn't really as much of an issue - you have had interest in the past, you've just been too anxious to follow up on it. So it's not that you are repulsive . That's good news, right? If going to the gym or whatever will make you feel more proactive, get you out more around people in a controlled environment, give you more of a sense of confidence about your looks, then that's a good thing. But try not to make it about your looks - that doesn't sound like the heart of the problem here. (My sister, who is overweight and also quite socially anxious, uses her weight as an excuse to avoid dating. She won't lose weight because she says it's not worth it, because no one will date her anyway. But of course, the real problem is that she has decided to be unavailable - whatever weight she is.) I really think desensitization might be a good first step for you.
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