hest812 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Hello Guys. I am a 28 year old guy in a lovely relationship with a 27 year old graduate. Our relationships have absolutely no problems at all. We are going to get engaged next in October and have bought her the engage gift and ring as well. It was on last Saturday that she told me that one of her ex. (whom she says he likes plus size girls) still occasionally contacts her thru MSN asking her how is she and stuff like that. The guy IS already married and he says the marriage is not going well and wants to go back in a relationship with my girlfriend. Indeed, my GF replies to her ex. that he should be faithful to his wife and she actually never entertains him much. But still I am feeling disappointed: If she truly loves me, she would have deleted the guy's contact MSN from her address book in the first place. Why are they still communication from MSN until now?? Please advice, should I tell her gently to remove the guy's MSN contact from her address book? (Do I sound possessive this way?) And explain that I am slightly disappointed over the matter that she did not remove the guy's MSN contact in the first place after we became official? In a dilemma now
Author hest812 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 Any advice guys? thank you in advance.
todd Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) There is absolutely no dilemma if you trust the women you are marrying next October. She has been open with you about it and didn't try to hide it from you. I don't mean to be harsh but you need to be more confident and trusting in your future wife. Sounds like you lack some confidence in yourself and feel like you are going to lose her so easily that you are trying to control who she can and cant talk with. Build up your confidence and trust your future love. If you fear she would leave you so easily then it wasn't meant to be in the first place. Edited August 10, 2011 by todd
carhill Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I see two sides. One is being accepting of one's partner and appreciative of her openness. The other is I have yet to meet a woman in my 52 who couldn't zero a man if and when she chose to. OP, have you met your GF's ex?
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Are women honestly expected to delete every guy they've ever dated from their email address book??!
carhill Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Example: My exW e-mails me. Hmm, OK, that's nice. Response not required.
zlatnapolja Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Hello Guys. I am a 28 year old guy in a lovely relationship with a 27 year old graduate. Our relationships have absolutely no problems at all. We are going to get engaged next in October and have bought her the engage gift and ring as well. It was on last Saturday that she told me that one of her ex. (whom she says he likes plus size girls) still occasionally contacts her thru MSN asking her how is she and stuff like that. The guy IS already married and he says the marriage is not going well and wants to go back in a relationship with my girlfriend. Indeed, my GF replies to her ex. that he should be faithful to his wife and she actually never entertains him much. But still I am feeling disappointed: If she truly loves me, she would have deleted the guy's contact MSN from her address book in the first place. Why are they still communication from MSN until now?? Please advice, should I tell her gently to remove the guy's MSN contact from her address book? (Do I sound possessive this way?) And explain that I am slightly disappointed over the matter that she did not remove the guy's MSN contact in the first place after we became official? In a dilemma now I feel for you... My now ex BF had his exGF on msn... Didnt say anything at first until she started to call him 5 times a day, dropped by his house and asked for sex... I got upset and he promissed me he;d delete her, I didnt force him to.. It didnt feel right and it turned out he didnt delete her... I cried, was sad etc... He apologized and promissed me again... Again he didnt delete her (or he did delete her and added her again). This went on for about 6 more times over a period of 3 months. He finally deleted her, until a few week ago I discovered he added her again and had been calling her. I got really upset. He ignored it, but I was still upset. Out of nowhere he starts blaiming me, saying I'm mean, because I called such a good person stupid. And that she had supported him when his mom died etc etc and that I didnt even care his mom had died?? If its a big deal to you, let her know about it. Otherwise let it go.
Nexus One Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) Are women honestly expected to delete every guy they've ever dated from their email address book??! I think what OP means is that he's disappointed his fiancée isn't keeping her ex at bay. They're planning to get married, but her ex mentioned he wants to break out of his current relationship to get back with her, even though he probably knows she's going to marry OP. In the shoes of OP I would interpret that as her ex treading into my territory and hence disrespecting me, our relationship and the boundaries thereof. I would trust my SO to uphold the boundaries of the relationship from her side, but if she doesn't do this then that is disappointing. I think that's what OP is getting at. I think NC would be justified in this case, as her ex is trying to come between two people who are about to get married. The disappointing thing from his perspective is that she isn't drawing a line in the sand and going NC. Edited August 10, 2011 by Nexus One
todd Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I feel for you... My now ex BF had his exGF on msn... Didnt say anything at first until she started to call him 5 times a day, dropped by his house and asked for sex... I got upset and he promissed me he;d delete her, I didnt force him to.. It didnt feel right and it turned out he didnt delete her... I cried, was sad etc... He apologized and promissed me again... Again he didnt delete her (or he did delete her and added her again). This went on for about 6 more times over a period of 3 months. He finally deleted her, until a few week ago I discovered he added her again and had been calling her. I got really upset. He ignored it, but I was still upset. Out of nowhere he starts blaiming me, saying I'm mean, because I called such a good person stupid. And that she had supported him when his mom died etc etc and that I didnt even care his mom had died?? If its a big deal to you, let her know about it. Otherwise let it go. Zlat you obviously did the right thing considering it is obvious your ex was not ready for a relationship with you because he didn't have himself and his emotions in order. He told you he wanted to be with you by saying he would delete her (get her out of his life) and kept going back on his word losing any trust in the relationship. The OP on the other hand is just blowing a small thing out of proportion. If it evolves into something where he finds out she is instigating something with her ex then he has reason to be concerned and bring it up to a point where its me or him time. But, she has shown no indication of that and you must keep that trust until it is actually broken by her. If it is you leave her for someone better because the relationship was doomed to fail anyway.
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