Crazydazy0409 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 This is my first post so please bear with me. I need help! I am a 32 year old mom and engaged to be married next year, but have been together for 15 years. I have two kids boy,13 and a girl,13. I am also a recovering heroin addict. My mom is way too overbearing, and just plain mean, and I can't take it. Okay here's some info: I am the only daughter, and have 2 older brothers. However my past was a nightmare, and my mom can't own anything that was ever done. She calls me at least 3-5 times a day(it was like 9-10 times), but we got into a huge fight so it's less frequent. Anyway the bottom line is she has a very sharp tongue, and she's very opinioniated therefore says whatever she wants. Regardless, if it hurts or not, and she is always right. See I grew up with an alcoholic/addict father, and a co-dependent mother. However my father got sober through AA since I was 14 years old. At that point I was like F--- you I will hurt you,and got started with pills through a wisdom tooth procedure after I had my daughter in 2000, and I was introduced to Percocet. Then I got scripts for Vicodin for Fibromyalgia, and they never could find out what was wrong with me. Anyway I was eventually on OxyContin which is synthetic Heroin then my brother Was using Heroin at the time, and I was curious. I snorted a line the size if my thumb nail, and it was the end of the life I had known, and the beginning of a long road to nowhere. That first line introduced me into a whole different world. I eventually beam an IV user, and was in 2 rehabs, and on Suboxone, therapy, etc. It started with pot at 14, cocaine at 17, then pills,cocaine, heroin at age 23 until age 29. It took me getting arrested in a bad area, and losing a lot og friends to the disease of Addiction for me to grow the hell up. As they say everyone is basically an idiot till age 27. Anyway I have been through a very dramatic upbringing, and I don't once blame that for me using drugs. I used because I had ADD and had been trying to medicate myself from feelings, the chaos of never completing anything, the fact I never got to do what I wanted. That was to go to college and become a teacher for Elementary school kids. My spouse is a gym teacher for kindergarten through 4th grade. I have a lot of emotions, and don't know how to properly channel them, because I never had to. My situation is confusing so please try to hear this one. I take care of my spouse's grandmother who is 89 years old, and my mother is constantly fighting for my attention, and when she doesn't get it. I am accused of using drugs, and called all kinds of mean things. It's like I can never do enough to please my mother. She has multiple sclerosis, and agoraphobia ( fear of traveling),and panic attacks. However she was always sick when I was a child, and I was the one who would take care of her. So for me to be empathetic is very hard, because when I was going through my addiction full force she was calling me crazy, like it was all about a choice, and the sad thing is she was always right no matter what. As of Saturday the grandmother I take care of now lives right up the road from me, and I am working 5 days a week, and have to get her to the bathroom at bedtime as well. My mom makes comments like well now I don't have to go see her anymore, because grand mom use to live between me and my mom. I live only 30 mins from my mom, but she has to physically see me once a week or else I am up to no good. Then she is constantly just putting me down. Doesn't she know most addicts have issues with their self-esteem. I am getting treated with Vyvanse for my ADD, and I have lost some weight. So I was visiting my mom and she eyes me up, and goes, " Could you lose anymore weight?" in this real condescending tone, and then proceeded with ,"Speedfreak". I was like Thanks for the compliment mom. She goes through my purse every time I am at her house so now I don't carry one. She is constantly questioning my every move. She did a 4th step inventory about me and wrote down that I was : impulsive, unreliable, untrustworthy, lazy, commitment phobic, dramatic, irrational that's just a few. I mean she literally made me cry today. She calls me and I said hello, she says, " Where were you last night?" not hello, a million questions then tells me that my own grand mom said that me and her don't have a relationship. Implying that I am spending too much time where I live trying to raise my family, and that I am with my spouse's grand mom more than my own mother. I am, but I get paid like a job, but she gives me the guilt trips all the time. I just can't do anything right, do you have any suggestions? Criticizes my mistakes, and parenting techniques, criticizes my spouse. I am never to be trusted, and A few weeks ago I went and have her a Manila/ Pediatric, and grabbed her stuff from the store she asked for, and because I couldn't give her dogs a bath a few days later when she wanted it done. I get called selfish, spoiled, to wait until I get old and hope no one treats me the way I treat her, I have been told that if she were to die that I will be sorry. **** like that. There are 5 things in life you cannot recover: A stone...after it's thrown. A word...after it is said. An occasion...after it's missed. The time...after it's gone. A person...after they die. Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret anything that made you smile, Enjoy Life ..
Lucky_One Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 In all seriousness, your mother may be legitimately concerned about you, but is unable to articulate those concerns in a constructive manner. You ARE a recovering addict. You ARE currently taking an amphetamine (speed) that is an addictive drug. Your doctor SHOULD be monitoring you very, very closely (and I would even question why he prescribed this for you). I would suggest that you attend NA, and your mom find an open NA meeting that she can get support from, as well. Would she be open to that sort of help, and are you?
Author Crazydazy0409 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 I know she has concerns, and I appreciate your feedback. I am closely monitored on my mess, and take urine tests monthly. I was put on Vyvanse for ADHD, and I have been on Cymbalta for 8 years for depression. Since on the Vyvanse I have managed to stop taking Klonipin that my doc had me on for 5 years. My mom goes as far as giving me drug tests, and if she is so vocal why can't she voice her feelings, not opinions. It's so frustrating, and it goes back too far. Don't know what to do?
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