weeble78 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 After brief breakup instigated by BF (live-in), over last two weeks he has spent every week night after work playing computer games until bedtime (with a break for dinner which he'll have with me). He has instigated a no contact until after work hours rule. Does anyone see the point in having a relationship with somebody who's behaving like this when you've just got back together?
NursingGirl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 After brief breakup instigated by BF (live-in), over last two weeks he has spent every week night after work playing computer games until bedtime (with a break for dinner which he'll have with me). He has instigated a no contact until after work hours rule. Does anyone see the point in having a relationship with somebody who's behaving like this when you've just got back together? How did you keep a straight face while he told you these new rules? Is he 14 years old? Are you?
Author weeble78 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Don't even go there. He didn't 'tell' me these new rules, the constantly being in another room he has just undertaken himself without saying anything. When I brought it up today, he said sorry he didn't want me to feel neglected but he loves his 'me' time. The emailing thing again - he started a new job and then told me he's unable to email externally, plus can't use his mobile and therefore we can't have any contact. I don't feel like this is true, which he picked up on. When he realised this, he said that maybe when he becomes permanent the new email address will allow him to contact externally. We've just had to sign a new lease for 12 months on our house - I'd put this off for as long as possible. As soon as it was signed he started this behaviour. If we weren't living together there is no way I'd put up with this. I guess I'm reluctant to lose the house and move out, as once the decision is made there's no going back.
NursingGirl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Ps we're in our mid-thirties I didnt seriously think y'all were 14 but glad to hear he didnt actually have the nerve to verbalize these rules! Now let me go back and read your other post.
NursingGirl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Don't even go there. He didn't 'tell' me these new rules, the constantly being in another room he has just undertaken himself without saying anything. When I brought it up today, he said sorry he didn't want me to feel neglected but he loves his 'me' time. The emailing thing again - he started a new job and then told me he's unable to email externally, plus can't use his mobile and therefore we can't have any contact. I don't feel like this is true, which he picked up on. When he realised this, he said that maybe when he becomes permanent the new email address will allow him to contact externally. We've just had to sign a new lease for 12 months on our house - I'd put this off for as long as possible. As soon as it was signed he started this behaviour. If we weren't living together there is no way I'd put up with this. I guess I'm reluctant to lose the house and move out, as once the decision is made there's no going back. I know if it were me, I would be feeling some stress at starting a new job. Maybe that is what he is feeling in the evenings and gaming allows him to unwind. And I can understand the no contact rule as a new employee as he gets a better feel for what is allowed and what isn't. It sure would be nice if he could talk about these things! Do you think his new behaviors are a result of the stress of starting a new job?
Author weeble78 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Hmmmm, I'm willing to wait it out a bit longer and see....! Thanks for your sensible suggestion
JasonRules Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Weeble, The last thing I want to do when I'm done with work is sit in front of a tv or computer. Why don't you suggest you go out for a walk after dinner together and chat? Maybe grab a cafe or tea along the way. That's much more relaxing.
JasonRules Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Remember this; a smart woman doesn't complain. A smart woman offers alternatives... Also, make some rules of your own. Tell him if he's going to sit there and play games, then you'll go out with your girlfriends.
NursingGirl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Hmmmm, I'm willing to wait it out a bit longer and see....! Thanks for your sensible suggestion You might need to initiate a conversation about his new job...maybe at dinner when he comes out of his mancave. Then, after he talks about it alittle (hopefully) you can use that as a segway into a discussion about if he is feeling like more "me" time because of the new job. Of course if he is the manipulative sort that will quickly realize that you are accepting of that excuse for his additional "me" time lately..he will quickly say, "Yeah, that" and you will be fuming and he will be, well, a dickhead.
Author weeble78 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 Ok - a little background. For 4 months before he got this job he was unemployed - by choice. This changed when we started to struggle for money and he asked me to help out - to which I said no. At that time, we started arguing - I felt underappreciated and unloved. He agreed he hadn't been putting into the relationship, we nearly split up, he said he would change. He didn't. We had to sign this tenancy agreement two weeks ago, and as soon as that was signed, this behaviour started. I texted him yesterday to say I was unhappy with the growing distance - he laughed and said it was just him enjoying his me time. I suggested a bike ride and he didn't reply. I went out straight after work with friends, then I get a nice text asking what I want for dinner. Last night I treated him the same he treats me - I ate my dinner then spent my evening upstairs, which he got annoyed at but then just holed himself away. JasonRules, I love your saying that a smart woman never complains - I gues from his point of view that's all I've been doing the last few months. From my point of view, I've been slightly depressed and finding the money situation difficult, and also the lack of support difficult. NursingGirl - to be honest ,I think he is just a d1ckhead. He gets the point if I pretend I'm busy and I don't care. I get tired of playing silly games.
NursingGirl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 NursingGirl - to be honest ,I think he is just a d1ckhead. He gets the point if I pretend I'm busy and I don't care. I get tired of playing silly games. Yes, I'm starting to see it that way, too. At the very least he is very immature. Now that you have signed a new lease, what are your options? Is his name on it, too? If not, I would be telling him it's time to pack.
Author weeble78 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 My options are to pay out of the lease (not sure how much that might cost) and find someone else to rent it for the remainder, or to stay and try to work it out.
NursingGirl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 But is HE on the lease? Sorry if I missed that!
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