DazyDaisy Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 If so, do you think that made it easier to heal? And if someone accepts a breakup, does that mean it's mutual? And lastly, do you think that accepting it means that they might end up coming back? Or to the ones that have "accepted" a breakup, did they come back?
lalalandman Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) When you break up you're supposed to move on without any hopes of reconciliation. I think once you've accepted the breakup, most likely you won't want to get back Edited August 9, 2011 by lalalandman
Author DazyDaisy Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 When you break up you're supposed to move on without any hopes of reconciliation. I think once you've accepted the breakup, most likely you won't want to get back What made you accept it? Was that you thought there was no way you could change their mind, or was it just out emotional exhaustion? EDIT: I don't mean hitting the acceptance stage. I mean actually accepting it right off the bat without begging, pleading, or crying.
lalalandman Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Oh I spent a little over a week trying to tell her she was making a huge mistake. I didn't really accept the breakup right away. 5 years is a long time. Plus drama ensued for a couple months after the break until I finally went NC. It was at that moment I accepted it.
NursingGirl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I don't mean hitting the acceptance stage. I mean actually accepting it right off the bat without begging, pleading, or crying. Why would you beg, plead and cry when someone wants to break up with you?
dicky_fish Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Why would you beg, plead and cry when someone wants to break up with you? Because we're losing our lives, futures and dreams.
lymtal1 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Accepted as in I knew it was the right thing. Yes. Did I have enough guts to do it myself months ago? No. I know it is the right thing but I am still heartbroken beyond belief. Sometimes we know that is it the right thing and can accept that it is right but it is still crushing.
SugarLily Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I actually don't think i've ever 'accepted' any of my break ups. That doesn't mean that I am not 'over' those relationships. 'Acceptance' was just never a feeling that came into the equation for me. As time passed, I just moved on - and for me, moving on didn't require any form of 'acceptance' on my part. Probably because I didn't feel the need to analyse those relationships anymore. I didn't need to 'accept' anything, because there was nothing left to 'figure out' or 'understand' - I just didn't care anymore. x
Casablanca Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I actually don't think i've ever 'accepted' any of my break ups. That doesn't mean that I am not 'over' those relationships. 'Acceptance' was just never a feeling that came into the equation for me. As time passed, I just moved on - and for me, moving on didn't require any form of 'acceptance' on my part. Probably because I didn't feel the need to analyse those relationships anymore. I didn't need to 'accept' anything, because there was nothing left to 'figure out' or 'understand' - I just didn't care anymore. x This is my answer as well....
shortee143 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I did accept it the moment it happened, for the most part. It was done via phone so I was NOT pleased with that, I told him I loved him and did not want to break up, but if it is what he needed then ok. I mean it got messy after that bc we have a lot of mutual friends so I saw him, and he just did crappy things, lied, etc. BUT at the time, I did bot beg, call, text, harass, plead, etc. With all that said, it isnt easy. A natural reaction to this, when someone pulls away, you want to chase...but it rarely works out, so you might as well save yourself the misery! He currently is with someone else, and never really looked back when it came to me ::sigh:: his loss!
radiodarcy Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 If so, do you think that made it easier to heal? And if someone accepts a breakup, does that mean it's mutual? And lastly, do you think that accepting it means that they might end up coming back? Or to the ones that have "accepted" a breakup, did they come back? accepting a break up does make it easier to heal because frankly - - what else is there to do? i could have spent more time begging and pleading but it wouldn't have done any good. i'm not going to force someone to be with me if they don't want to be with me. it's been 5 months and i haven't heard a peep from him. i think it's safe to assume he's not coming back. and while part of me feels sad about it. another part of me is beginning to care less and less. i think accepting a break up is about accepting the fact that they're not coming back. accepting it with the hope that they are coming back doesn't sound me to me like acceptance at all.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I think there could be acceptance if both people are miserable and you are just happy that someone stepped up and pulled the plug. But I think the later is usually more true, the person who is breaking up has a clearer sense it is over, and the other person will want to know why, chase, etc.
shortee143 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 accepting a break up does make it easier to heal because frankly - - what else is there to do? i could have spent more time begging and pleading but it wouldn't have done any good. i'm not going to force someone to be with me if they don't want to be with me. it's been 5 months and i haven't heard a peep from him. i think it's safe to assume he's not coming back. and while part of me feels sad about it. another part of me is beginning to care less and less. i think accepting a break up is about accepting the fact that they're not coming back. accepting it with the hope that they are coming back doesn't sound me to me like acceptance at all. I am 5 months out too, and he has made no interest in getting back together. He is seemingly so in love with his new gf. I am the same way- I wouldnt want to force someone to be with me that did not want to (sadly exes seem to still realize it's nice to exit with respect grr), Part of me could care less, while the other part still does care. As I said above, I accepted it the moment it happened bc what else was there to do. I woulda fought for him, but why fight for someone that doesnt want to be fought for. When you accept it, you just realize that they very well are not coming back. Might they? Sure. But dont hold onto that hope, it'll surely exhaust you emotionally!! Just sharing this quote that comes to mind.. The best way is to not fight it, just go. Don't be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger - Chuck Palahniuk Just kinda resonates with me in terms of accepting things, and not fighting them
olivec Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I am 5 months out too, and he has made no interest in getting back together. He is seemingly so in love with his new gf. I am the same way- I wouldnt want to force someone to be with me that did not want to (sadly exes seem to still realize it's nice to exit with respect grr), Part of me could care less, while the other part still does care. As I said above, I accepted it the moment it happened bc what else was there to do. I woulda fought for him, but why fight for someone that doesnt want to be fought for. When you accept it, you just realize that they very well are not coming back. Might they? Sure. But dont hold onto that hope, it'll surely exhaust you emotionally!! Just sharing this quote that comes to mind.. The best way is to not fight it, just go. Don't be trying all the time to fix things. What you run from only stays with you longer. When you fight something, you only make it stronger - Chuck Palahniuk Just kinda resonates with me in terms of accepting things, and not fighting them I agree with everything you said. Its funny how things make sense once you finally let go of someone. And I love the quote wish i read that when i was going through my break up. It would of saved me from going through unwanted drama lol.
shortee143 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I agree with everything you said. Its funny how things make sense once you finally let go of someone. And I love the quote wish i read that when i was going through my break up. It would of saved me from going through unwanted drama lol. Glad you like the quote...it just screams of acceptance to me! Def one I like to go back and read from time to time. Letting go is the hard part, and takes work, and in time, we can all build the mindset to let go, but it is one hell of a ride til you get there. I'd say, I am still on that stupid ride hah
thelovingkind Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Acceptance is actually the easy part, because it's done with the logical/rational side of the brain. Post after post on this forum you see that most people have very little trouble with this side of affairs ("I know she's bad for me, that I'll move on, that I'll realise this was for the best...") but experience deep trauma with the emotional/instinctual side of the brain ("...but I just need her back so much!!"). So, indeed, most people have no trouble logically "accepting" their break up even a few days out. By this I mean, if you put a gun to their head and said "Tell the truth: Do you honestly think that you ought to stay together, knowing he no longer has an interest in being with you?" The answer would be an unequivocal "No." However, as other people have pointed out, the only acceptance that ever really means anything is the emotional acceptance - that is not so much an "acceptance" (which is a rational concept) than just a sense of relief from having been so exhausted and depressed for so long and finally starting to "see" brightness and hope in the world again. That can take weeks and months to achieve, because you can't just have an "Aha!" moment like you can with logical or rational ideas such as acceptance.
Author DazyDaisy Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Thanks for all the comments. I can see what you're all saying. I was just wondering under what circumstances you would actually just be forced to accept it rather than "fight for it". It seems like it's when your logic is bigger than emotions and you can clearly see that they won't be back. I accepted it, but sometimes I wonder why I did it instead of trying to stay together.
Dblock10 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 see, ive had to accept that my ex wants to be single travelling and to not have relationship ties or stresses. thats her choice. im just sad she didnt want to stay with me and she doesnt know what she will be doing when she is back. its not "practical" for us to be together now was her words. i wish she had more compassion for me, but it seems like she is totally gone now. maybe ill find better, maybe i wont? all i know is i really fancy her and cared an awful lot for her. I did try to salvage what i could but her mind was made up. all i can do now is No contact i assume?
Author DazyDaisy Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Yes, in your case at least you know she's not doing it because she fell out of love with you. She's doing because of traveling, and in a sense, a need to fall back in love with herself. I do think in that case, NC will probably be the best option for both of you.
Dblock10 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 yeah i totally get that. however the sad part is how it never felt like she truely fell in love with me, because she knew all along she was going to be going. i would love for her to come back and really want to be with me. but the type of girl she is, that isnt likely. all i know now is that its going to be hard if she gets into a relationship with someone else once shes back. i dont know how likely this is. but i feel that she will most likely do what she was doing before she made it official with me, and thats to "see" people. having lovers of conveniences when it suits her. this is what i will now adopt, its the only way to be really when you are young.
sm1tten Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 This just happened to me. Usually I am the dumper but he initiated this. I accepted it, but it was not mutual. Yes, it hurts, but my acceptance of what he wanted to do is not an indicator of my feelings about him. It simply means that I understand where he was coming from, even if I didn't agree with it. I don't actually care whether it increases my chances of our getting back together or not - once it was clear that we did not feel the same way, I automatically begin thinking of my life proceeding forward without him.
ConfusedT Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 In fact I usually have. The last three relationships, for some reason, were much harder on me than the others, but I am not sure why. I'm sure in time, I'll figure things out. i would NEVER suggest to hold on your emotions in, but i think letting them out to someone OTHER than your ex-partner is the BEST thing you can do. Show them you are strong and show them that even though they've walked away, you can stand strong, and alone. I wish I could have done that on this occasion, but boy did this one hit me hard!!!! :/ day 3 of no contact though!!! yippeeeee
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