Magda70 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 we are currently on a break. Background long story made short, we are both our late 30ies, we have had problems he fell I did not invest in the relationship enough (he was more or less right) and decided not to be willing to invest any further in the relationship even if he still loves me. As it was a 7 years relationship and we have decided to take a break for a couple of months to clear up our minds. We have very low contact in the meanwhile and just for common logistics (we were living together). Now his birthday is approaching. I do not know what to do. Ignoring? Virtual card? paper card? Anonymous message? Friendly wishes, loving wishes? I am very much confused about it. What would one normally do in these cases?
sedona Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 There is no rule. You should follow your instinct. If it were your birthday, what would you want him to do? Does that help any? Btw, an anonymous message sounds too silly. My vote is definitely against that!
Author Magda70 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 There is no rule. You should follow your instinct. If it were your birthday, what would you want him to do? Does that help any? Of course I would like to receive a card an a pressie but he's the one "angry" with me for my alleged neglect and struggling with his feelings. So I would not want it to be perceived as a belated attempt to adulate him. In one of the last conversation we had he told me "Too much too little too late" when I tried to arrange something for/with him. For example the day after tomorrow i need to go to my "former" common house where he still lives in order to pick up some stuff (when he is not there) I was thinking to cook something and leave it there for him to warm up when he comes home but again I would not want that sounds too adulating and "too little too late" as he told me. On the other hand, it's a gesture of care but he already know i care so... I'm really doubting what to do.
sedona Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Gosh, I'd hardly call sending a birthday card to your boyfriend adulation! And if he was concerned about neglect, then neglecting him on his b-day won't help. Of course, you don't have to go overboard either if you're worried about that. Something simple like "Happy Birthday! Thinking of you. Love Magda70" (although you might want to change the alias). Simple gestures can mean a lot. I guess the question is more what you want to say to him -if you still care, if you still love him, etc. You shouldn't say anything you don't mean.
Author Magda70 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Gosh, I'd hardly call sending a birthday card to your boyfriend adulation! And if he was concerned about neglect, then neglecting him on his b-day won't help. Well, to say it all what he lately complained about was of me allegedly compensating a lack of interest in him/the relationship with domestic duties he was not interested into (we sort of tried to start a biz together but i was not that active on that front, hence his annoyment). So the bf card is not a domestic affair but the food prepared for him might be perceived like one of the many domestic duties to compensate something else "i should have said and done but I never took the time" (E. Presley). but i don't know im blurred on this still.
Frank13 Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Basically he broke up because he cares more than you than you do about him and no longer wants to invest in a one sided relationship. I agree with him as it is a horrible position to be in. For you to do anything on his birthday, or to cook, would do one of two things, neither which is good. 1. It would make it look like you were just doing things you didn't want to do to overcompensate for not caring enough, ie being phony, 2. It will lead him on in thinking you might really care for him more than you do. The best thing you can do for this guy on his birthday is give him the gift of your absence...forever. That way he can fiond someone who can really care about him.
Fab001 Posted August 19, 2011 Posted August 19, 2011 Basically he broke up because he cares more than you than you do about him and no longer wants to invest in a one sided relationship. I agree with him as it is a horrible position to be in. Wait a minute. I disagree with what you say here: Magda does not say she cares less and even not that he told her she cares less than him but that she does not dedicate enough to a common (start-up?) business she could not manage to commit to. What do you know about that? Maybe the business was not well planned or she is resource-less or support-less.
michaeldisuza Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I think you should wish him with some birthday flowers. Birthday flower delivery is also good, but this looks rude. Wish him with your own and try to be the first to wish him. I think all problems will be resolved then.
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