rossday93 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Well...where do I begin. I was with my girlfriend for just over a year. The other week she broke up with my via phone, and told me that she kissed another guy, however she said this had nothing to do with it, and the reason was that she "would rather feel nothing that be hurt", which confused me because nothing too major had happened just a few arguments which could have been avoided had I known the outcome. Half of me was really pissed for what she had done, especially as it was while I was stuck abroad just waiting to get home so I could talk to her. The other half wanted her so bad! So I got mates to confiscate phone ect, but it didnt stop me acting like a maniac and texting her! We agreed to talk about it on Thursday, but on Tuesday, I saw her facebook relationship status had been changed! I know! But again, I just wanted things to work. When I got back we had a long talk about everything and she said she has had enough of being in a relationship, and that she doesn't want anybody at all (which worried me due to her minor depression last year) She fully ended it. When I got home I posted a fb status saying "although we have split up, *girlfriends name* is awesome, and if anyone hurts her they will get an arse kicking ;)", she proceeded to tell me she already misses me and that that status made her cry, and she didnt know whether she lost something important. However in about 2 days this prgressed to, Im sorry I love you but I'm not IN love with you. And that it will never work. I saw her with a guy on Friday... She slept with a guy on Saturday, which she states she "cant remember because she was wasted" And here is the next part...She KISSED ME ON MONDAY NIGHT! Then told me 10 seconds after "there is no us anymore" But if she kissed me, there must be something there surely? This is when I found out about the guy on Saturday, and as you can imagine she got told off by me. When I got home, we talked on the phone, and it was sort of an okay, friendly chat, which gave my stupid mind some hope. We cut the convo off early as it was late and agreed to talk today, which I am now waiting for. Please Note! The stories I have shared makes my ex out to be a cheating slag. She is not, she is a nice, normal usually sweet and clever girl interested in art and music. If she were to act like this always I would not be writing this now. I am willing to forgive what she has done, because I still love her completely, as I know she was not being mallicious, she was just a bit of a state. But the problem is I dont think she wants me back. Which sent me into a weird place where she did wrong, but I am the one on my knees. As she is ringing today, this may be a different story in an hour. But I fully believe it is over, I just wish with all my heart I could make that not so as I really love this girl!
aussie_bloke Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I don't know how you can think like that mate, if my gf dumped me and slept with another bloke, drunk or not (drunk is NEVER a real excuse) I would be so hurt and betrayed that I could not think about fixing anything regarless of how wonderful she was/ what a state she was in. Step back mate and think about what advice you would give if it was a friend and his gf/ex in that situation. You are worth more than that! Just my 2cents!
Author rossday93 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 The thing is mate, I know your exactly right haha if it was anyone else I would say exactly what your saying. And like I said she is not usually like this at all. I dont know... All I know is that I still love her and still want her! She lives 5 minutes down the road so I am used to seeing her everyday, which makes it worse! I just want to talk to her, and right now, I dont know where you live...but its nearly 10 in the morning, and I can't work out if she is up or not and its killing me haha Thanks for the advice though I completely understand where your coming from!
aussie_bloke Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Mate, i know exactly where you are right now. Although my situation is completely different, i have been used to seeing my ex everyday for the last 4 years, text messages during everyday, calls after work etc. Even though it is rough as guts you MUST distract yourself, i know its the last thing you want to do, but seriously go do something... go for a run until you can't run anymore, get out with some friends, do something, thinking about what she is doing or not doing is only setting youself up for more pain. You're not the only one in this mess so man up, look after and focus on yourself;)
Author rossday93 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 I have tried I really have I was out all day yesterday with my mates, and the bus was late so I was waiting for like an hour an a half...in the meantime I nearly cried ha! I just need to talk to her, but she keeps saying it wont work. But then at the same time she kisses me and stuff!?
Mack05 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 The thing is mate, I know your exactly right haha if it was anyone else I would say exactly what your saying. And like I said she is not usually like this at all. I dont know... All I know is that I still love her and still want her! She lives 5 minutes down the road so I am used to seeing her everyday, which makes it worse! I just want to talk to her, and right now, I dont know where you live...but its nearly 10 in the morning, and I can't work out if she is up or not and its killing me haha Thanks for the advice though I completely understand where your coming from! Mate take a step back here. You are heartbroken so you are not thinking rationally. How on earth can you have a healthy, trusting, loving relationship going forward with a girl who can't remember sleeping with a guy because she was wasted. You are looking at this through rose tinted glasses. If somehow you did get back together, yeah great honeymoon period but your problems don't go away. I don't now one emotionally healthy man who would want to go back to a girl who can't remember sleeping with a guy because she was wasted. Your hurting and that sucks. There are no words on here that can heel a broken heart. Time and grieiving in the right way does that. BUT you can look after yourself and your future health. Stop contacting this girl (even if she contacts you, ignore) and NEVER go back there. If you do it will be the biggest mistake you can make..
aussie_bloke Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 If you do it will be the biggest mistake you can make.. I agree, as terrible as you feel now its nothing compared to the pure gutting you will get when you continue to chase her. I know you think your pain can't get any worse but believe me it can, start on the healing now!
Author rossday93 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Gah I'm in a right pickle! The thing is, its like what I said, if I were you lot I would be saying "never talk to her again!" Seriously I would, but when she kissed me things were so perfect, Its so hard to let go of everything! Especially when she is so pretty and a guy will snatch her up in no time And if you look at my picture...well thats me ha! So I will be left behind looking to see her with other guys. Just, when I'm in her room, we just...fit. We just completely get each other!
Sugarkane Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 If I was you I would think "Man I deserve someone better who doesn't dump me by phone and then sleeps with someone else". And also kisses you, but tells you its over.
Mack05 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) I'm so clueless aint I haha! I hate to be harsh but you are. You getting all worked up over a kiss!!. So what does it take for that kiss not to matter. Maybe shag your best friend in front of you? Maybe Throw a brick through your mother's car? Humiliate you on Facebook saying you are the worst lover ever. I mean what's your breaking point? You have doormat written across your head. Not only does she not want you back, but you are willing to do more or less do anything she wants if she does!! Grow a set of balls man. Respect yourself more. NEVER speak to this woman again. Or, are u one of those people that just doesn't want to be helped? Edited August 9, 2011 by Mack05
aussie_bloke Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Mack is spot on the money. This situation is toxic dude and there is no healthy solution that you or her can create. When she kisses you think of her kissing the bloke on saturday night, doesnt that piss you off that someone who supposedly loved you can kiss, and worse, have sex with someone else? It's not healthy to dwell on thoughts of them together but you need to realise that this has actually happened. She has been with someone else and couldnt wait to see you in person to give you the kick. You will find other girls, imagine if you continue to chase this one that isnt worth anything and while you are busy doing that you miss out on meeting an amazing girl that can make you feel things you never experienced with this one? As soon as your perspective changes things will get sooooo much easier.
NursingGirl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 This sounds like the first time you have been in love. Damn it sucks! The first heartbreak (the real one...not the silly crush one) is the hardest thing to get through but you WILL do it and there WILL be another love! This girl might be nice and wonderful and all that stuff but right now, she is making some serious mistakes. Is she getting help for that depression? Take medication? It sounds like she is making decisions that are not good at all for her life. If she is taking an antidepressant, she should not be "getting wasted". Alcohol and antidepressants don't mix. I liked the suggestion to run until you drop. You need to be so tired that you can't lift a phone. People who are depressed or who are bi-polar (she has some signs of it) do these impulsive stupid things. She is not looking at life the same way that other people do. But the only thing you can do for anyone who is suffering from depression is to help them get help. She still has to do it herself and want to get better. You are not going to be able to expect to receive anything from her that makes sense until she addresses the depression. She will break up with you via phone but then kiss you and sleep with random guys and know she has made mistakes and cry herself to sleep. She has to recognize the cycle of crazy and get herself some help. I believe you that she is a nice girl and of course I see that you love her. But don't expect to get your needs met by her in any consistent way. She is not capable. The only thing you can do to help is tell her she needs to see a Dr., tell her you will take her, ask her if she is taking her meds and stand back and be consistent. Tell her you want her to take care of herself. Tell her you know she is better than sleeping with some random guy and getting wasted. Just keep repeating to her that you want her to take care of herself because you care. Not only is this TRUE, but if you carefully watch that line and do not turn to anything romantic until she sees you as a stable person who she can rely on not to be flaky like she is being and not to be wanting anything from her she can't give (like a relationship) and stop taking from her to meet your needs and just repeat, "I want to see you take care of yourself. " over and over and over no matter what hysterical crazy stuff she says or does.
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