Assistance!!

[jk876]

Here’s the background info:

I met “C” 5-6 months ago at a club/bar. Here’s what I think could have been potential red flags:

1.) Outside the bar he was immediately trying to kiss me (wasn’t drunk). I told him no.

2.) When we texted, he’d keep saying things like, “I can teach you Portuguese ” (He’s Brazilian). I’m pretty sure “Portuguese ” didn’t really mean PORTUGUESE if you know what I’m sayin’! Again, I said no. Lol.

3.) I really felt like he was pressuring me to kiss him. Our first date went really well but at the end of it I still wasn’t ready to kiss him (he tried). We hung out a few times after that and though he didn’t make any moves to kiss me, he’d text me and ask why hadn’t I kissed him or when I was going to. I get NOW that sometimes people do that to gauge whether or not they have a “connection” but I honestly just felt so pressured. I kissed him after a few WEEKS haha.

4.) Three months into our dating (I finally kissed him by this time. Lol.) I drunk texted him on Cinco de Mayo (WHOOPS!!!!! Haha). I was staying at a friend’s house who just so happened to live where “C” lived. I told him, “I’m in your building!” I didn’t WANT to stay with him at the time but then again if he’d invited me, I probably would have gone over. Not necessarily for sex, but yeah.

He didn’t get the text until the next morning but the night after he invited me to spend the night. I (though I had just sent him the Cinco de Mayo text haha) told him I wasn’t that kind of girl. He said, “Ahhhh c’mon. Where’s your Cinco de Mayo spirit? You know I respect your limits.” It’s true- he did with the kissing. Once I told him no, he never physically tried again and I can honestly say I trusted him not to. So, I know he would in this situation as well. But I still didn’t give in.

 

Those are the possible red flags. Here’s the good parts:

We ended up dating and he treated me very well. Our dates were always out and about: movies, frozen yogurt, eating, taking walks, hanging out by the pool, or just talking; I felt cared for: ever since I’ve known him, he’s paid for everything- dinners, lunch, breakfast, drinks, cover charge, movies, etc.- he’s affectionate and one time when I told him I had to use the restroom at a club, he asked me if I wanted him to go with me, which he did. I’d never felt that protected by a guy before.

The moment I realized I liked him was when we spent 2-3 hours just drinking Boba tea (lol daww) and talking about literally EVERYTHING- he humored my jokes and we talked about deep stuff (our dreams, some of our fears) and just TALKING. There were NO awkward pauses- it was great.

After waiting 4-5 months to have sex with him, about a month ago we finally had sex. Everything about it was GREAT!!!

 

The problem:

I moved away a couple of days ago. When we said goodbye, I was expecting so much more. I knew we wouldn’t be in a long-distance relationship (I’ll be out of the country for 9 months) but I at the very least thought he’d want to keep in touch. There was no mention of this. His exact words were: “Well... have fun on your trip.” and “If I don’t get to see you again before you leave... have fun.” That was IT.

It broke my heart and I kind of felt like I was forcing myself on him that day. I’d told him I might be back in town the 12/13th but I wasn’t sure. He said he might be gone (I knew this awhile ago) but that if I was there to let him know.

I was expecting an exchange of emails, an offer to be his Facebook friend, as lame as that sounds (because yes, he has one but we’re not friends... another red flag?!?! Lol. But really... is it?) SOMETHING.

 

Now I feel really used. Given the "goodbye" at the end, do you think he was using me this whole time? I don’t really see why but then again maybe the red flags were there and he finally got what he wanted? Or he was never that serious with me as I thought he was? Sometimes I THOUGHT I could see it in his eyes, that he liked me, (and he told me he liked me) and the way he was affectionate but, I could have been dreaming that I guess. What do you think?? What do you think about him not mentioning keeping in contact? Bad sign? Thanks!

Edited August 9, 2011 by jk876

[thatone]

you can't expect everyone to behave in the same way when pre-determined relationships like that end at the pre-determined time. he may just be limiting the impact by not letting himself get too attached.

[Yookie]

I see no red flags here. Do not be surprised if a guy wants to kiss you and be with you hello!! This guy was totally respectful of your boundaries in that regard however you failed to set any boundaries on what type of relationship you want with him.

 

If you wanted to more then you need to talk to him about it. If you want to keep in touch why not say so?

[tigressA]

I agree with the other posts. If you wanted to stay in contact or whatever else you should've said something. You had no problem asserting your boundaries/needs in other instances, but not in this one.

[Pierre]

 

The problem:

I moved away a couple of days ago. When we said goodbye, I was expecting so much more. I knew we wouldn’t be in a long-distance relationship (I’ll be out of the country for 9 months) but I at the very least thought he’d want to keep in touch. There was no mention of this. His exact words were: “Well... have fun on your trip.” and “If I don’t get to see you again before you leave... have fun.” That was IT.

It broke my heart and I kind of felt like I was forcing myself on him that day. I’d told him I might be back in town the 12/13th but I wasn’t sure. He said he might be gone (I knew this awhile ago) but that if I was there to let him know.

I was expecting an exchange of emails, an offer to be his Facebook friend, as lame as that sounds (because yes, he has one but we’re not friends... another red flag?!?! Lol. But really... is it?) SOMETHING.

 

Now I feel really used. Given the "goodbye" at the end, do you think he was using me this whole time? I don’t really see why but then again maybe the red flags were there and he finally got what he wanted? Or he was never that serious with me as I thought he was? Sometimes I THOUGHT I could see it in his eyes, that he liked me, (and he told me he liked me) and the way he was affectionate but, I could have been dreaming that I guess. What do you think?? What do you think about him not mentioning keeping in contact? Bad sign? Thanks!

 

It seems you trained him to be restrained and to hold back his true emotions.

 

He is trying to act in a manner you would approve.

 

You hated it when he was too aggressive so he has learned to be aloof. I think he adores you and he is simply playing it cool------------just the way you like it.