tripledubs Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 my girlfriend gets drunk very easy, and is a freak when she is. she cares about me a lot and doesnt want to hurt me, but she still wants to go out and club with her friends (i dont go with her). she also doesnt remember anything after she drinks. she was told she almost made out with a guy last time she went clubbing, and i was happy someone was there to stop her. what do i do? if she gets with a guy while she's drunk, should i forgive her and stay with her no matter how much it hurts me? i care about her a lot, and i know she cares about me. its just her drinking... her drunk side has the capability to kiss other guys/cheat on me. what should i do?
CarrieT Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 If she cared about you she wouldn't drink. Wrong. Alcoholics cannot make those types of decisions -- the alcohol is more important than anything else, including rational thought. I speak from experience as one who had a man care more about the bottle than he did about me, his health or well-being, or his business; all are now lost and he is literally homeless due to the drink...
rafallus Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Alcoholics cannot make those types of decisions -- the alcohol is more important than anything else, including rational thought. That actually precisely agrees with previous poster. She doesn't care about you, because she cares about addiction. Hardcore addicts are better off alone anyway. You don't want to be just some punching bag for collateral damage they cause.
imagine Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Do you understand the consequences of marrying this person? Already she does not listen to you. Her health will deteriorate. She will introduce drama into the relationship. The family will be under stress The children will be born under nourished. Cheating is only part of the problem. Good luck!
Woggle Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Why do you want to be with a drunk who has no interest in bettering herself and controlling her addiction?
mark982 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 right now she's just a gf, why would u want to put yourself thru this crap down the road with a couple of kids, and might not be your kids after one of her nights of blacking out.
Chi townD Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 This relationship probably won't last if she isn't willing to get her addiction under control. Yeah, she may be an alcoholic, but she also a big girl and knows how she gets when she drinks. Sooner or later, you're probably gonna hear that she did something with someone else and her excuse will be that she was drinking and it just happened. I suggest that you save yourself some heartache and tell her to come back when she decides to get clean and sober.
Author tripledubs Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 im not thinking about marrying this girl at this point. everything you guys have said makes complete sense though, thank you. however, im not sure if its entirely an "addiction". she's an extreme light weight. and that doesn't go well with the blackouts. i can understand if you're going out with your friends, that they'd get pissed and you'd feel bad if you didn't drink with them. but there's a point where you have to watch out for yourself. im not sure.
Miss Clavel Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I've got mixed feelings about your post because it would be very easy to say that she should join a 12-step group and start her recovery. However, if she doesn't want to, and I'm betting she doesn't, there isn't a damn thing you can do but stand by and watch her life go down the drain. And trust me, it's going to hurt, both of you. Perhaps she wants other men and is using the excuse of drink to get away with it? Or she really is caught in the cycle of obsession and compulsion. Either way, you're helpless to protect her.
April72 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 If she is unable to find her drinking limit and stay in control then if she wants to be committed to you she shouldn't go out. U two need to sit some boundaries. If she is unwilling to do so then she's not that into you. And NO I would not over look a drunken ONS.... BS drunk or sober you sleep with someone else it's a deal breaker for me.
Space Ritual Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 Wrong. Alcoholics cannot make those types of decisions -- the alcohol is more important than anything else, including rational thought. I speak from experience as one who had a man care more about the bottle than he did about me, his health or well-being, or his business; all are now lost and he is literally homeless due to the drink... I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict (10+years clean and sober) and I would have to agree with you...I did some pretty messed up stuff when I was using and I frankly did not give a damn about much else other than getting hammered and going out as I believed I was missing something. HOWEVER, she sounds more like a binge drinker at this point as opposed to full blown alcoholic, of which I am (DT's, Shakes, barfing every day,... yeah I was loads of fun for 25 years...lol) either way, she has a bad relationship with alcohol and it may in fact be years before she hits any type of bottom with it. But onto the actual advice for the Original Poster. I gotta tell you that you seem fairly young(very early 20's, perhaps?)so as gently as possible I would encourage you to seek out a different relationship. Young people (and older people) go out, get drunk or high and screw....so being she has some problems with substances and throws caution to the wind and exercises judgements that are associated with the same problems I will say that you are in for a world of hurt if you stay with her...
NervisPervis Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 (edited) Your girlfriend doesn't have a drinking problem, she has a w.h.o.r.i.n.g around at meat markets problem. This is my second reply in a row where I... A - Tell someone they can't blame alcohol for doing something stupid, and B - Tell someone how I HIGHLY doubt that she doesn't remember anything. The only places she ever goes where she drinks and "forgets" are meat markets, right? She remembers. It's just that "I forget" is a lot easier than this conversation. You - "So honey, how was your little night out with the girls last night? Did you have fun?" Her - "We had a BLAST!! The ratio of single guys to single girls was 3-1, and they were all HOT AND HORNY! Ready to party, if you know what I mean. We weren't in there for 5 minutes before we had our choice of guys offering us drinks. We pretty quickly settled on these beautiful college boys in town for the summer. We had GREAT time. Danced all night. Firted on the dance floor with a TON of other guys. You know; just to make our boys jealous. I had so many guys grinding against my ass I lost count. At one time, me and (name friends) had 4 guys each just drooling over us on the floor. Wish you could have been there. It was AWESOME!" Dump her fast ans find someone that shares your values and won't bring so much freakin' baggage along. Edited August 15, 2011 by NervisPervis
Woman In Blue Posted August 15, 2011 Posted August 15, 2011 I'm going to assume you're both pretty young, because it's usually young girls that go out clubbing and make fools of themselves drinking too much and acting up. I think most young people out at clubs drink too much and act like idiots, so I don't necessarily think she's an alcoholic and needs a 12-step program. She just needs a good swift kick in the ass to help her grow up a little. You can choose to hang around while she acts like an idiot little party girl, or you can move on and find a young lady with a little more going for herself and who also has a healthier amount of self respect. It's up to you.
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