jamesR2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I live in England, and my girlfriend lives in California. We met a year and a half ago and have been in the relationship for nearly a year. We were talking pretty much every day but we ran out of things to talk about. My girlfriend is a very timid introvert and I have put a lot of pressure on her while we've been apart and it has gotten to her. She didn't like skype and I wanted to do it, and I didn't realise the impact it was having on her. She adjusted well to me not being around and I didn't, so I was always looking for that interaction. I last saw this girl on Feb. 21st, and I am due to see her in 13 days. Last Monday she told me that she is breaking up with me because she can't deal with the distance. I've been going insane the last week because I'm currently in Conneticut, doing a summer program, which allows me to see her for a couple of months afterwards. She has told me that she wants to break up in person, and she is picking me up from the airport as I already bought my ticket. At the moment she is considering whether she wants me to stay with her for six weeks, as I had planned to stay and I don't really have anywhere else to go. I know that she is confused about this, and I realise that I've put so much pressure on her and that it has driven her to this, but I can't really tell her this now because she has shut off her emotions and won't understand me completely. There are absolutely no issues when we are together, and I believe this girl is my soul mate. I haven't eaten for around a week, and I can't listen to my ipod because we like all the same music. I don't want to lose her. One of her reasons that she wants to end it is because she says there is no end to me coming and going, which there isn't really. I have a masters degree and I'm intelligent, but I've had no luck in sourcing employment in California, let alone America. Marrying her is the only way really and she isn't ready for that yet, being only 22. I have a proposition to make to her when I'm there whereby I'm going to go back around Xmas time, but I'm really waiting right now for her to decide whether she wants me to stay for that period of time. I've been talking to pretty much everyone here about what is going on. A lot of people say to get over her as she wouldn't do this if she cared and wanted to be together. A lot of other people have said that she is very confused and that it isn't over because she is considering me to stay for 6-8 weeks. She told me around a month ago that she didn't like the pressure, and I suggested that we take things easy and not speak as much. Last Monday she said that things had been better but she couldn't deal with the distance anymore. I need to demonstrate to her there can be an end to it. I'm just really stuck right now and would appreciate some advice. I know that when I see her I need to be strong, and get her to open up to me again. I just would like to hear what some more people think as I've been so down this week and I can't take it. I even emailed my mother and told her, and I have never ever told her about anything personal in my life before. Thanks very much, James 1
FitChick Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) She should see if she can go to the UK under a student visa. She will get to know the country and decide if she'd ever like to live there. I'm always surprised that people in LDRs don't think things through. One of you has to move! I would love to find a British guy and live in the UK but you are too young. If during the first week you are with her it doesn't seem to be working out, set up dates on OK Cupid and maybe you will meet your dream girl. Perhaps it's Fate's way of introducing you to her in this roundabout way. Stranger things have happened. Edited August 9, 2011 by FitChick
LickABattery Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 ^ Agreed with FitChick. I really do agree that one of you in the end will have to move, but it depends on which one of you will be prepared to give up friends and family and move thousands of miles away from each other. Me personally id defeintly do that for SO, she is absolutely worth the effort XD, But im thinking too much into the future instead of right, i still have to meet my SO first (Hurrrry up deecceeeeember). She sounds really confused and she probably can't cope with feelings that you get with an LDR such as Feeling sad and insercure and also stress. When you go to stay with her, you never know it might respark it and she will realise that she is alot happier with you . In my eyes when ur in a LDR and you go meet ur SO, that how many weeks of happiness you get with them is totally worth the how many month wait before you see each other again :3. 1
Author jamesR2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 I am just thinking if she said want me to stay i wont be able to get her to understand me. The wait is killing me. I would happily move for her. We have talked about it. she doesn't want to live in England. I haven't spoken to her since Thursday now. I just have everything crossed she will say yes. But then how do I act when I'm with her. I can't show her that im like this and don't want it to end. I need to get her to find out if she wants to be with me. My life will not exist anymore without her.
Author jamesR2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 If during the first week you are with her it doesn't seem to be working out, set up dates on OK Cupid and maybe you will meet your dream girl. Perhaps it's Fate's way of introducing you to her in this roundabout way. Stranger things have happened. I just don't think that would work out. I'm only going to be there for a couple of months and I seriously doubt that there would be anyone interested in kicking off an LDR. Besides that, I believe this girl is my dream girl, and my soul mate. I kind of glanced over that she has issues because I am so in Love with her, but she does. I can't fix them for her, but I want to be there to help her.
Author jamesR2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Just to let you guys know that I still haven't heard from her, and there are only 9 days until she picks me up from the airport. I'm fearful that she is going to email this weekend. I'm a pessimist so I'm assuming it will be something negative.
Author jamesR2011 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Posted August 17, 2011 She emailed me this morning. It didn't say much, but she wanted to know what time my flight landed and where to pick me up. I assume I'll be staying the night at least and will have to go from there. I am pretty certain she is still in love with me, so I will just have to let love take its course. Anyone know how best to play it? I've been told to act normal and not get everything off my chest at once as it will overwhelm her.
travelbug21 Posted August 20, 2011 Posted August 20, 2011 I think you should just be causal. It seems like your emotions are too deep for her and she might feel pressured and pull away. Just act as if you are visiting a friend that you haven't seen in awhile.
Author jamesR2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Quick update: I am back in England, but we are still together! She let me stay with her for the entire time I was in the States and realised that she didn't want to end the relationship. She has agreed to spend four-five months in England next year, from April, and I will be spending a few weeks with her at the end of January.
HeavenOrHell Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) That's great news, so glad to hear it Edited October 25, 2011 by HeavenOrHell
Author jamesR2011 Posted August 12, 2012 Author Posted August 12, 2012 I don't know if anyone cares but I felt like updating this, just to show the turnaround if nothing else. I went back to see her in January, for four weeks and we had a blast. She came over to the UK in April and has been here for the last four months. She leaves on Wednesday unfortunately, but.... ...we went on holiday to Italy for a couple of weeks nearly three weeks ago, and while we were in Florence, I proposed, and she accepted! We are now going to get married and starting the process of submitting a K1 Visa! 8
TMichaels Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 (edited) So happy to hear your update, James! It's always good for others to hear that LDRs indeed can work out. All the best to you and your g/f as you take on the next chapter in your lives. Best, TMichaels Edited August 12, 2012 by TMichaels 1
HeavenOrHell Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Oh wow! How wonderful! So happy for you Many thanks for the update! I don't know if anyone cares but I felt like updating this, just to show the turnaround if nothing else. I went back to see her in January, for four weeks and we had a blast. She came over to the UK in April and has been here for the last four months. She leaves on Wednesday unfortunately, but.... ...we went on holiday to Italy for a couple of weeks nearly three weeks ago, and while we were in Florence, I proposed, and she accepted! We are now going to get married and starting the process of submitting a K1 Visa!
amayana Posted August 12, 2012 Posted August 12, 2012 Wow! I saw this thread and reading all of this, although I don't know you, makes me very happy, James! I wish you guys the best of luck for the future. I'm sure after going through all of this, your bond must be undoubtedly strong. Hopefully more people will be able to share their happy endings on here and encourage others in similar situations. Oh how wonderful I don't know if anyone cares but I felt like updating this, just to show the turnaround if nothing else. I went back to see her in January, for four weeks and we had a blast. She came over to the UK in April and has been here for the last four months. She leaves on Wednesday unfortunately, but.... ...we went on holiday to Italy for a couple of weeks nearly three weeks ago, and while we were in Florence, I proposed, and she accepted! We are now going to get married and starting the process of submitting a K1 Visa!
ana0pera Posted August 13, 2012 Posted August 13, 2012 wow wow wow James, congratulations! This is such happy news, and gives hope to us all 1
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