sally4sara Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Interesting thread. My husband I have been together for 25 years and have discussed the idea of opening up our marriage many times during the course of our relationship. So, for the last 6 months we have been experimenting with others. It takes a lot of maturity, and strict boundaries. We have rules that both of us must follow, or we stop. So far it has worked out very well, and both of us understand that if we develop any sort of feelings for the other person, we end it. It's not for everyone for sure, and if either party has jeaulousy issues, then it wouldn't work. Two important factors to consider are: How could opening up one's marriage add to the relationship? for us it has led to a much more fullfilling sexual relationship for us. The second is that open communication is a must. All in all it has spiced up our relationship quite a bit. Would we do this forever, who knows, one step at a time. This is where I start getting confused. This rule right here - no feelings developing for others. This lends me the sense that y'all entered this with the express intent to use and invalidate other people. And for what? Isn't the ability to care about other people a good and enriching thing? Do you have only one child because a second one might result in developing feelings similar to those you had for the first child? Would caring about a second born child diminish the emotional connection you have with the first born? Or do you only have one friend at a time because making a second friend would result in the first friendship being useless and unrewarding? If you have a friend and they make a new friend - do you feel they are no longer a real friend to you? And say you're doing just fine with no emotional attachment. You're just basking in whatever benefit this brings to your life that wasn't there before. The sun is shinier and the flowers smelling sweeter......but your partner actually begins to care about the person they are intimate with. This means the whole shebang gets shut down right? Gone is the shinier sun and sweet flowers and not because of anything YOU did. You trying to tell me you wouldn't be highly pissed to the point where it creates serious issue between the two of you? I suspect if you're going to do this and hope for it to be successful you really do need to value adding new people to both of your lives in a very real and intimate way (not just sexual intimacy) or this is likely to blow the eff up in your faces. And then what? 25 years down the tubes?
nyrias Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Do you read? The latest research is absolutely fascinating. Have an open marriage if is suits you. I feel it is way too risky and a veritable land mine. These boards are filled with people who confuse biological hormone release with romantic love. Obviously he cannot or will not read. May be real information destroys his bubble of how the world is, so he avoids it.
sally4sara Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Obviously he cannot or will not read. May be real information destroys his bubble of how the world is, so he avoids it. Your day to day world is however you make it for yourself. It doesn't have to apply to anyone else.
nyrias Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Oh no, I do not obviously fail to understand why people grow bored with monogamy, and all the current pop culture that says we are not naturally monogamous, but I don't believe that many open marriages are successful based on our innate biologies and the MAJORITY of posts above mine. Did you read them? Few know of successful, long-term open marriages, and I believe it is mostly the wife who leaves for another man. Which would support what evolutionary biologists and others have recently determined as outlined by my post. Recap: A woman who is orgasmic with an OM has a very strong propensity to fall in love with that OM, whether valid or not. Our biology is so designed. I didn't say anything about the success rate of open marriage. I merely pointed out there are plenty of evidence that people will take risky behavior .. even though the success rate is dismal (compulsive gambling is one). And i also pointed out there there are REASONS for people who would want to be in an open marriage. Obviously high success rate is NOT one of them. Heck, people are marrying when the success rate is only about 50%. Isn't that risky behavior too. Would you buy a car that has a 50% chance of breaking down?
David Cain Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Do you read? The latest research is absolutely fascinating. Research or bs theories? Have an open marriage if is suits you. I feel it is way too risky and a veritable land mine. Agreed. Not my cup of tea. These boards are filled with people who confuse biological hormone release with romantic love. Which was exactly what I was stating.
David Cain Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Obviously he cannot or will not read. May be real information destroys his bubble of how the world is, so he avoids it. What sally4sara said.
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