I wish I didn't know how I got here - now how do I get out??

[bonpaw2008]

Hi - I have had a long drawn out story here on LS. (please feel free to pick through the carnage by looking at my previous posts). It started last July, after being with the guy for 2 years and him breaking up with me about once a month the whole time we called it quits for good. I was weak, I was strong, I got stronger because of this community. Of course he came slinking back in September but I did not give in. I kept him blocked and did not respond. Finally in December he made a special effort to see me, tell me that he was wrong, that he wanted to try again. I knew that I was going to end the same way but I had nothing else going on and I told myself that I WOULD BE DIFFERENT. I would not get so involved, I would date other people, I would just enjoy the things that I missed about him.

 

We actually had a pretty good run this time. I think I was only told once I was sufficating him (don't I wish) and I backed off even further. This seemed to suit him just fine. He actually has made an effort to make plans with me, invite me to events, think of me first. All is great, except this is not the person that I am and being an aloof bitch (which is obviously what he prefers) is just not me. I really do love him but playing games is not my thing and I know that things are never going to change.

 

Anyway, fast forward 9 months to yesterday. Things have been good, if I get pissed off or don't get enough attention I go find someone that actually wants to be with me. He is moving to a new place and asks for help. We spent the weekend packing, had a great night on Saturday, moved everything on Sunday. So we are sitting in the driveway waiting for the next truck to come and some girl with a bunch of kids rolls up in the driveway and gives him a huge hug. I know who this is (he was texting with her - of course telling me she is just a friend) right before we broke up the last time. So I have never actually met her, and I am waiting for him to introduce me. He half-ass introduces me to her kids, and she avoids all eye contact. After all the boys slink away and we are alone putting sheets on the bed I say "wow that was awkward" and he says "what?" like I am a stupid ass. I said, "how does that girl know all of these guys, and why didn't she talk with me, make eye contact with me?" He tells me she is his friend, he keeps in contact with her and she goes out with them for drinks. I was like "wow maybe something you should have shared" he said "I did it for you, I knew it would upset you".

 

K sorry for the long story, but I was up all night, trying to think of what else he is hiding from me, ****ing me over with, etc. But you know what, I am done. He doesn't deserve me, I am not deep into this anymore. Now I am just looking for the right way to tell him. He doesn't deserve to know that this has hurt me as badly as it has. What can I tell him?

 

Kicking someone to the curb is one thing but I am a much better person than he is and I want to take the high road here. Thanks for your suggestions!

[bonpaw2008]

I am surprised that no one responded. I know everyone is in their own pain but no one has suggestions, if they got the opportunity how they would do it? What would have been better in your breakup?

 

I blew him off last night when he called. I am sure he knows something is up but I don't want it to be all drama and nonsense. I am so over it. I know he is going to blame me for being too sensitive if I tell him that it is because he lied to me about this girl and that he really wasn't trying to protect me, he was protecting himself and just doing whatever the f he wanted. I am an emotional person but I am done with him knowing how much this hurts me.

 

Truthfully I don't care if I hurt him, he has dragged me around for so long now I am numb. I just want to have an unemotional, rational conversation about what I WANT AND NEED not what he thinks. It always gets turned around on me and I don't want that to happen.