GivenUp0083 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 So I changed my profile to basically say what I want to say about online dating and be done with it. To my surprise, I got an email shortly after. Here's what I wrote in my profile: So I've realized that this online dating thing is a big waste of time. I've had some relationships result in the past but I think the whole thing has become a joke. I actually know of some other really good dudes that I'm sure many women are looking for, including good friends, who would strongly agree with me. I don't know if there's something wrong with us that we haven't been made aware of, or maybe we just get lost in a sea of men swimming the internet dating pool. Probably a little of both. Either way, I meet a ton of women in daily life and I'll just continue to pursue opportunities that way. I thought maybe trying to narrow down my search to specific traits and qualities in women that I know I appreciate might help me find someone who is a better match than the random conversation in the coffee shop, in the elevator, or dimly lit bar but it seems I've been looking in the wrong place. I don't know what it's like on the other end of this thing for the women out there on these sites, but for men like me who narrow our search down to women we think we are a good match with, I find it a little unsettling to not even receive a response, even if it is "hey, thanks for the email, but I'm not interested." Ladies: If a guy can't handle rejection then he isn't a man at all. For the women that do respond it's like talking to someone who is watching TV. If I wanted to pull teeth I would've become a dentist ;-) This dating thing isn't all that important to me anyway, so I'm going to walk, but before I do I want to wish everyone out there the best of luck. Everyone deserves someone to enhance the happiness in their lives, but keep in mind: if you aren't happy by yourself then you can't expect to make someone else happy. Less than a day later, a girl whom I emailed weeks before send me a message saying something along the line of: Hey, hope you're still out there, I don't know how I missed your message but it was very sweet. I'm sorry you're discourage by the online dating thing. answered some of my questions...yada....yada......Thanks for saying hi and I wish you luck if you're already gone, if not it would be cool to chat a bit if you're up for it. BTW what's your name? I emailed her back a day later (I was at mayhem fest all day), and it's been like 4 days, no response. She's been online like 10 times since then as OKcupid tells you when people are online. Why would she write this nice message saying she wants to chat only to ignore me AGAIN! Really? Is this what it has become now? Not only is ignoring me not good enough for them, they have to screw with me? Seriously, WTF is wrong with people. I'm disabling the account once I figure out how so they can't mess with me anymore. Good-effing-luck to the rest of the world. I'm done subjecting myself to this nonsense and waste of time.
Imajerk17 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I get you're going through a tough streak, but your profile sounds whiny and and a little bitter. I'm not knocking you, because every guy has been there, but if this is how you approach dating, then I think taking a break from this would do you a world of good. Have you heard back from that friend of a friend?
Author GivenUp0083 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 I get you're going through a tough streak, but your profile sounds whiny and and a little bitter. I'm not knocking you, because every guy has been there, but if this is how you approach dating, then I think taking a break from this would do you a world of good. Have you heard back from that friend of a friend? I am taking a break I posted that just as a way to give the finger to the site. It wasn't meant to attract anyone. And no, she never called back, I texted once and no response. Done.
ascendotum Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Radically changing your profile like that was worth the shot, but its too cynical. Given that you are giving up online dating I suggest you try unconventional before you do (which you have already). Like you I had been frustrated. My male friends also, with the exception of a few who were good looking guys but also players. Meanwhile the few women I knew who were open about their online dating were frustrated for different reasons. They had plenty of options, were dating handsome successful exciting guys but none of them stuck around past a few months, or they ended up in FWBs or the guys had lied to get in their pants. Like you, I started of with short conventional msgs. Got nowhere, then changed to more detailed personally tailored msgs, with improved response rate but still frustrated with the generally lame worded responses back + flaking + disappointing dates. I had given up on it, but before I did I thought I would treat it as a joke and I went trollish. I got higher % response rate, and actually ended up in a relationship. Short provocative or stupid shyte like 'you have a cute cat', 'your dog looks skinny you need to feed it more shmakos', I see you list skydiving as a hobby..you aren't one of these girls who do it once and list it as a hobby are you', 'you call yourself smileyone but you don’t have a smiling picture!!', 'you call yourself adventurous but list abba as a favourite band...come on'. I dropped the very friendly, so keen to meet you attitude in correspondence, but made sure to show no hint of bitterness regarding online dating. For a month, just do the opposite of what you think you should. You got nothing to lose.
YeahDotDotDot Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Why would she write this nice message saying she wants to chat only to ignore me AGAIN! Really? Is this what it has become now? Not only is ignoring me not good enough for them, they have to screw with me? She probably thought that if you took the time to write that entire peice to people you do not know, and that your profile was still up, your declaration was actually a cry for attention instead of a cry of frustration. Some people toy with you when they think you're desperate or craving attention.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Radically changing your profile like that was worth the shot, but its too cynical. Given that you are giving up online dating I suggest you try unconventional before you do (which you have already). Like you I had been frustrated. My male friends also, with the exception of a few who were good looking guys but also players. Meanwhile the few women I knew who were open about their online dating were frustrated for different reasons. They had plenty of options, were dating handsome successful exciting guys but none of them stuck around past a few months, or they ended up in FWBs or the guys had lied to get in their pants. Like you, I started of with short conventional msgs. Got nowhere, then changed to more detailed personally tailored msgs, with improved response rate but still frustrated with the generally lame worded responses back + flaking + disappointing dates. I had given up on it, but before I did I thought I would treat it as a joke and I went trollish. I got higher % response rate, and actually ended up in a relationship. Short provocative or stupid shyte like 'you have a cute cat', 'your dog looks skinny you need to feed it more shmakos', I see you list skydiving as a hobby..you aren't one of these girls who do it once and list it as a hobby are you', 'you call yourself smileyone but you don’t have a smiling picture!!', 'you call yourself adventurous but list abba as a favourite band...come on'. I dropped the very friendly, so keen to meet you attitude in correspondence, but made sure to show no hint of bitterness regarding online dating. For a month, just do the opposite of what you think you should. You got nothing to lose. This is actually REALLY good advice. I just disabled my account though and I think there's a waiting period before you can bring it up again. This honestly sounds like a really great idea and I might do it. I have a DGAF attitude for the most part except I try to stay optimistic. I believe in creating opportunity for myself yet I HATE catering to people, especially ones I've never met. I'm going this route for sure. This way I can still feel like I'm sticking it yet giving a chance to open communication. That's all you're trying to do anyway, right? What about the profile? What are your suggestions to saying about myself in my profile?
Cee Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I remember the moment I disabled my OKCupid account for the third and final time. A wave of relief washed over me. After 2.5 years of online dating, I was done for good. Met my boyfriend 5 months later. It felt so refreshingly normal. He called me on the phone, wasn't dating other women, and I got to know him by talking to him, not reading some data on a generic profile. And he hates texting! And I soon discovered, I hate texting too. And IM. I detest IM. Good luck, GivenUp. Remember, when things get too tense, pull back and focus on what's good in your life. The single life is good. Lonely, but good too.
Imajerk17 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I like ascendotum's advice. In fact, I gave told you something similar when you were asking for critique on your emails. Take a break, but you need to realize how good you have it. You're a guy in your late 20's (*entering* the prime of your life) and you live in a city that has a lot of single attractive down-to-earth women hoping to meet a guy. You have NOTHING to complain about. You just have to find them and meet them. HINT: Bars are probably NOT the best place.
Imajerk17 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) For laughs, I actually did some sampling on Match: Number of women aged 29 within 5 miles of zip 60659 on match: 931 Number of such men : 739 (yes, fewer such men than such women). Translation: It's not them, it's you bro. You can have the success you want, but you need to change up what you are doing. Edited August 9, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author GivenUp0083 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Honestly I don't care anymore. I'll try what a poster said before but my emotional investment and my ability to care what happens have faded from me.
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