Jump to content

broken up and want to get back together now ex accuses me of something I didn't do

nychic009

By nychic009
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

nychic009 Established Member

nychic009

Posted
Posted (edited)

hey everyone,

 

so my bf and I broke up a month ago and I've been NC. He's been keeping in touch and I've been very distant. I left town after we broke up to see my family and now just got back to the city. A little background about us: I'm 24, he's 32. We dated for 8 months. It was very intense and serious for both of us. Issues for breaking up: ex was burnt out from the relationship, indecisive about furthering committing (I was his first serious relationship in 10 years), and a LOT of misunderstandings/miscommunication (he's evasive and hides things, isn't open about his feelings, and we can't communicate leading to a lot of problems). I wanted to take a break, he wanted a clean breakup. It has been very hard on me but I'm moving on.

 

One of the ways I thought I could move on was to see a therapist. While away, I contacted my school's therapist and asked for referrals for therapists in my town. Unfortunately I didn't have time to schedule anything as I had to come back to the city in 2 weeks. When I got back to the city, I called up my ex's therapist, because I honestly needed therapy. When she asked how I found out about her, I didn't want to tell my ex thinking that he might think I'm stalking him, so I said, a friend of a friend. I honestly needed therapy, I was not trying to gain any information about my ex. I guess if I saw her sooner or later she would of found out, but I didn't think that far in advance.

 

Anyways, backtrack, so I gave him the space he wanted and felt (through his attempts at keeping in touch with me) he wanted to perhaps get back together.

 

Then, yesterday out of the blue he accused me doing something ridiculous and said we can never be friends as I massively violated his trust forever. I had no idea what he was talking about. Turns out, the therapist told him I contacted her and he thought I was trying to gain information about him by pretending to get therapy. Furthermore, he had a stalker ex that stalks him and I, who did the same thing (with actual intentions of gaining information on him) and he said he didn't want to hear my explanation because his ex did the same thing and gave him a stupid explanation. Little does he know that I really wanted to therapy! I was completely unaware that I was not allowed to contact the same therapist as my friend, ex, or anyone related to me until I called her and she told me.

 

He never talked about this to me when he found out from his therapist. instead he assumed and accused of this just because of his ex. I never lied or cheated or stalked him before. I tried calling him and he wouldn't answer. I explained the situation, gave him numbers of all my best friends who I have been talking about needing therapy. I also told him it wasn't' fair that he was projecting what his ex did and her intentions onto me. He said he isn't ready to see me for a long time as he was still very upset. I'm not sure if he believes me. I actually don't think he does. I'm not sure if this is his way of coping with the breakup or what. He is now ignoring me and saying we can't be even friends and that I should "Take care".

 

I didn't know what to do, so I told him I can prove that I needed therapy (through my friends, and calling my school, giving him phone records that I wanted therapy all along). He didn't reply with whether he wanted to see this proof.

 

Later that same night after this whole ridiculous texting affair, I ran into him at a club (what a coincidence... I never go out!) where I was with my girlfriends actually having a lot of fun and he was with his group of friends. I also happened to be with a really hot guy and looked really hot, and he and his friends definitely saw me as they were near the bar as I was with my guy (his friends were giving me dirty looks).

 

So that is my dramatic night. i want to be on friendly terms with him, and I feel horrible he accused me of doing something I didn't do. Plus on top of that, I felt bad for being out with my girlfriends and with a (hotter) guy when this all happened in one night.

 

Anyone can help me with how I can get on friendly terms with him? How does me ex seeing me out having fun with another guy and my girlfriends impact the situation? Thanks!

Edited by nychic009
bonpaw2008 Established Member

bonpaw2008

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey - sorry about the situation. I think you are better off on NC for now. Your actions are your actions, you don't have to explain them to him, and if he doesn't believe you that is on him. Why do you need to be friendly with him? You need to heal yourself, not worry about what he thinks.

 

And why would you feel guilty about going out and him seeing you with friends? You are broken up, he attacked you for something that was none of his business (and what kind of therapist would tell him that??) - heal you, let him fend for yourself.

Edited by bonpaw2008
gothowitz Established Member

gothowitz

Posted
Posted
hey everyone,

 

so my bf and I broke up a month ago and I've been NC. He's been keeping in touch and I've been very distant. I left town after we broke up to see my family and now just got back to the city. A little background about us: I'm 24, he's 32. We dated for 8 months. It was very intense and serious for both of us. Issues for breaking up: ex was burnt out from the relationship, indecisive about furthering committing (I was his first serious relationship in 10 years), and a LOT of misunderstandings/miscommunication (he's evasive and hides things, isn't open about his feelings, and we can't communicate leading to a lot of problems). I wanted to take a break, he wanted a clean breakup. It has been very hard on me but I'm moving on.

 

One of the ways I thought I could move on was to see a therapist. While away, I contacted my school's therapist and asked for referrals for therapists in my town. Unfortunately I didn't have time to schedule anything as I had to come back to the city in 2 weeks. When I got back to the city, I called up my ex's therapist, because I honestly needed therapy. When she asked how I found out about her, I didn't want to tell my ex thinking that he might think I'm stalking him, so I said, a friend of a friend. I honestly needed therapy, I was not trying to gain any information about my ex. I guess if I saw her sooner or later she would of found out, but I didn't think that far in advance.

 

Anyways, backtrack, so I gave him the space he wanted and felt (through his attempts at keeping in touch with me) he wanted to perhaps get back together.

 

Then, yesterday out of the blue he accused me doing something ridiculous and said we can never be friends as I massively violated his trust forever. I had no idea what he was talking about. Turns out, the therapist told him I contacted her and he thought I was trying to gain information about him by pretending to get therapy. Furthermore, he had a stalker ex that stalks him and I, who did the same thing (with actual intentions of gaining information on him) and he said he didn't want to hear my explanation because his ex did the same thing and gave him a stupid explanation. Little does he know that I really wanted to therapy! I was completely unaware that I was not allowed to contact the same therapist as my friend, ex, or anyone related to me until I called her and she told me.

 

He never talked about this to me when he found out from his therapist. instead he assumed and accused of this just because of his ex. I never lied or cheated or stalked him before. I tried calling him and he wouldn't answer. I explained the situation, gave him numbers of all my best friends who I have been talking about needing therapy. I also told him it wasn't' fair that he was projecting what his ex did and her intentions onto me. He said he isn't ready to see me for a long time as he was still very upset. I'm not sure if he believes me. I actually don't think he does. I'm not sure if this is his way of coping with the breakup or what. He is now ignoring me and saying we can't be even friends and that I should "Take care".

 

I didn't know what to do, so I told him I can prove that I needed therapy (through my friends, and calling my school, giving him phone records that I wanted therapy all along). He didn't reply with whether he wanted to see this proof.

 

Later that same night after this whole ridiculous texting affair, I ran into him at a club (what a coincidence... I never go out!) where I was with my girlfriends actually having a lot of fun and he was with his group of friends. I also happened to be with a really hot guy and looked really hot, and he and his friends definitely saw me as they were near the bar as I was with my guy (his friends were giving me dirty looks).

 

So that is my dramatic night. i want to be on friendly terms with him, and I feel horrible he accused me of doing something I didn't do. Plus on top of that, I felt bad for being out with my girlfriends and with a (hotter) guy when this all happened in one night.

 

Anyone can help me with how I can get on friendly terms with him? How does me ex seeing me out having fun with another guy and my girlfriends impact the situation? Thanks!

 

What happened to patient-therapist confidentiality???

  • Author
nychic009 Established Member

nychic009

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
What happened to patient-therapist confidentiality???

 

I thought about that and it puzzles me she would tell him I called for therapy (and I assume, instigate that I was trying to gain information because his ex did the same thing, even though at no point did I ever ask for anything besides therapy).

 

I assume it's because I'm not yet her patient, which is why she told him I called. Although, it seems rather fishy.

 

On Monday I contacted my school's therapy division for proof (clinic visits, emails, phone logs and etc for therapy referrals before I called his therapist). I got the proof in my hands that I was trying to get therapy all along.. but I haven't sent it to him and I'm not sure if I should. It's horrible he thinks I did this, and I want to prove to him I didn't, but on the other hand he should of asked me before hand and not projected what his ex did onto me.

 

He did call me a few days after seeing me at the club. I was out on a first date with a guy that I actually really liked and on my way home so I couldn't talk to him. I was very suprised he called me and thought something happened to him and was quite worried. Turns out he just wanted to talk because I wanted to talk to him at the club. When I returned his call after I got home he didn't pick up... I wanted to clarify the therapist situation over the phone but I guess I may have to just send him an email, if I do decide to send him "proof"

Edited by nychic009
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...