yulaw911 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Hey guys, Its been a little over two months since I last spoke with my ex. It consisted of crazy drama and for anyone whos interested heres my original thread: Click Me Long story short my ex seems to exhibit signs of borderline personality disorder, she pulls you in one minute and then spits you out the next. The last time i spoke to her consisted of her calling the police on me when I had come to return her stuff. Talk about drama right? Fast forward to today, I'm feeling much MUCH better than i was just a month ago. Its amazing what NC will do for you. I still have my moments when ill think about her and miss her uncontrollably but it passes just like all the fleeting memories of her. This morning I checked my email and saw that she had emailed me last night. She had emailed me a random picture which was an inside joke of ours. What does this mean guys? Is this something she just did casually or did she really think about it before she did it? Either way I have no intention of responding to her. I feel like the ball is in my court now and I have some of the power back. Its a nice feeling to know she might be having doubts about what she did to me but i don't want to get overly excited. I don't want to be with her or anything just don't know what shes trying to do. I have a feeling shes trying to alleviate guilt but need to get some other opinions.
The Blue Knight Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 She may be stunned that you've been able to go this long without communicating with her. This might be a lifeline to make sure you still know she's out there. BPD, assuming she really suffers from it, can be very difficult for people in her life to overcome. I suspect my sister suffers from that personality disorder and she's driven her husband, friends, and family away because of it. Hey guys, Its been a little over two months since I last spoke with my ex. It consisted of crazy drama and for anyone whos interested heres my original thread: Click Me Long story short my ex seems to exhibit signs of borderline personality disorder, she pulls you in one minute and then spits you out the next. The last time i spoke to her consisted of her calling the police on me when I had come to return her stuff. Talk about drama right? Fast forward to today, I'm feeling much MUCH better than i was just a month ago. Its amazing what NC will do for you. I still have my moments when ill think about her and miss her uncontrollably but it passes just like all the fleeting memories of her. This morning I checked my email and saw that she had emailed me last night. She had emailed me a random picture which was an inside joke of ours. What does this mean guys? Is this something she just did casually or did she really think about it before she did it? Either way I have no intention of responding to her. I feel like the ball is in my court now and I have some of the power back. Its a nice feeling to know she might be having doubts about what she did to me but i don't want to get overly excited. I don't want to be with her or anything just don't know what shes trying to do. I have a feeling shes trying to alleviate guilt but need to get some other opinions.
Author yulaw911 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 She may be stunned that you've been able to go this long without communicating with her. This might be a lifeline to make sure you still know she's out there. BPD, assuming she really suffers from it, can be very difficult for people in her life to overcome. I suspect my sister suffers from that personality disorder and she's driven her husband, friends, and family away because of it. That's pretty tough. I had a feeling once she finally got over her initial freedom she would realize what she'd really done. I just don't get why shed choose now of all times to do it. I'm not sure if im looking into it too much or not or how to take it. Anyone?
ScienceGal Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 No one can tell you what she was thinking because we don't know her. You are right to not get overly excited. And given you even wrote that, I take it that you miss her and wish the relationship had not ended. In my opinion, keep the no contact. If she isn't a stable person she will never bring you anything but stress and heartache. And why did she leave anyway? Don't forget that she did leave... because she is likely to do it again. She is fishing to see if you still have feelings, as friends or maybe more. It's up to you whether you're going to put yourself out there again. Just be ready to be shot down again.
Author yulaw911 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Nah I do miss her of course, We were together for 4 years so that's a given. But I have no desire to reconcile with her. She left because she said we were just "different people" at the end. Which didn't make sense since she had me take her virginity about two months before we broke up. Are these what they call breadcrumbs?
Chi townD Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Breadcrumbs..Ignore it. She pulling to see if the dog is still on the leash. stay NC, you're doing so well healing from this. Don't blow it by getting sucked back in.
The Blue Knight Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 As someone else stated, nobody can know for certain what's going on in her head. My experience would suggest that she's keeping contact you you in the event that she wants to rekindle things in the future and also to keep tabs on what's going on with you. But it's pure speculation of course. That's pretty tough. I had a feeling once she finally got over her initial freedom she would realize what she'd really done. I just don't get why shed choose now of all times to do it. I'm not sure if im looking into it too much or not or how to take it. Anyone?
Author yulaw911 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Yeah I assumed she was trying to see where my head was due to guilt on her part. I'd be lying if I said that her email didn't affect me a little. Some of the feelings of missing her are coming back stronger. Sometimes I wish she would've never contacted me at all but other times I was hoping for something like this. I know we wont ever work but the heart is something else...From what I saw from some of her friends "tweets" to her were that she wants to have a fresh start which can only mean reality is setting in for her. And no im not stalking her on twitter, I actually have her blocked but we have some mutual friends so once in awhile ill see something. This should make me happy shouldn't it? That shes having a bad time without me and after all the heartache and pain she put me through shes finally seeing where all her actions have gotten her. Why don't I feel happy about it?! I feel like i should be in a great mood because of all this but im not. I feel sad and even a little sympathetic towards everything. Sorry if I confused anyone.
Author yulaw911 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 Im trying my best not to let this set me back but its tough..wish she would've never contacted me at all .
The Blue Knight Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 You can continue with this yulaw, her but you risk the whole issue starting up again and then you further risk having to relive what you've already managed to put behind you up to this point. For my money, if she thought she'd made a mistake by leaving you, and was a woman who wasn't into games, she'd come out and say as much. The fact that she's using platonic casual conversation is a hint that she's just keeping tabs on you and letting you know she's still around in the event she can't find something else down the road. I don't say that to be harsh. It just strikes me that this is what's taking place. You're safe. She knows you. She can fall back on you if things go awry in her future endeavors. But who in the world wants a relationship like that anyway? Im trying my best not to let this set me back but its tough..wish she would've never contacted me at all .
flitzanu Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Im trying my best not to let this set me back but its tough..wish she would've never contacted me at all . and she likely knew you'd have that feeling, which is why she did it in the first place. at least my assumption. she did it bc she knew it would bother you. that's why there were no words in the email (right?) just a picture of some inside joke. enough to start your mind spinning. and to keep her ON your mind.
Downtown Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Yulaw, congratulations on your strong recovery and your decision to stay away from your BPDer exGF. You should be very proud of yourself. Recovering from a relationship with a BPDer usually is very difficult.What does this mean guys? Is this something she just did casually or did she really think about it before she did it? ... I have a feeling shes trying to alleviate guilt but need to get some other opinions.LOL, this is the same question you asked me two months ago, Yulaw. Specifically, you asked: Last question downtown, do you think maybe someday down the road shell look back on this and feel guilty for how she treated me? Yulaw, my answer is still the same: First, we cannot predict the specific reaction of a stable person, much less one who is unstable. She herself has great difficulty knowing how she will feel about you a week or two down the road. Second, it likely would not matter if you could predict it. Any feeling of guilt she might have would be washed aside by the next tide of intense feelings flooding her mind. With a BPDer, it is impossible to build up a lasting store of good will you can draw on during the hard times. Trying to build up a lasting favorable impression is like trying to construct a lasting sand castle beside the sea -- it will be gone with the next tide. This is why she likely was only able to appreciate the sacrifices you made for her for a week or two at most. And this is why, with BPDers, it's always "what have you done for me lately?" Yulaw, I'm encouraging you to let go of this "Is she feeling guilty?" concern because, even if she is, the feeling likely will be gone in a few days, if not sooner. Being unable to regulate her own emotions, she gets one tidal wave of intense feelings after another. Strong BPD traits is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
Author yulaw911 Posted August 24, 2011 Author Posted August 24, 2011 Thank you for your kind words Downtown. I totally understand what you mean by the whole "we cant predict how she feels because she's so emotionally unstable". Im definitely going to let go of hoping one day shell feel guilty for what she did and apologize and honestly id be way happier if she never contacted me again. With her the good times were great and intense but the bad times were some of the worst ive had. Im starting to see the light now, im not there yet but hopefully in a few months i will be. Thanks again Downtown your words really helped me out when I was feeling lower than ive ever felt.
JB93 Posted August 24, 2011 Posted August 24, 2011 yulaw- im in your same boat- except my break up is REALLY fresh. a couple to "half-assed" breakups, and finally I started NC recently. I have such strong urges to send her a text. But I stop myself. Instead I vent out to friends who REALLY know me. They know my secrets, my personality, and give me REALISTIC advice. I will say this, there is one thing that has helped me. It may or may not help you... Many of my friends are polite so they wont say anything bad about someones gf. However, I was upfront and asked my friend what they thght of my ex. Up to this point, I had seen my ex as a goddess (putting her on a pedastal). I really shouldn't but I did. But my friends told me, in all honesty, she was cute and attractive, but she was dumb as bricks. And its not just one friend, my whole circle of friends genuinely thought that. It kinda made me realize then, that she was infact not the brightest cookie. She sucked at sarcasm, didnt have a sense of humor, couldnt hold a logical conversation without getting emotional about it, bombed so many classes that are "easy." This made me lower her off that pedastal, and realize that I deserve much better... Anyway enough about my story- i truley to empathize with you. I KNOW its tough. I barely get sleep, have little to no appetite, and sick to my stomach, and all i want is for my ex to feel so guilty about the situation. I know you can do it, I wish to be in your position- able to be strong with the NC and not give in. So heres to you brother! Cheers! Better women ARE out there!
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