njruns75 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 How slow is too slow moving? If a guy really wanted a relationship wouldn't you know right pretty soon? I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months. I have seen him a total of about 6 times. He contacts me every few days or so and usually he contacts me first. I wait for him to do the contacting. He keeps the line of communication going, but doesn't ask me out as much as I would think if he were interested. I would hope to see someone at least once a week in the beginning, but I saw him on Sat for the first time in 3 weeks! he went away one of them. In those 3 weeks he contacted me, saying we have to get together soon etc. but then kept saying how work was "crazy" etc. Is it possible that work can really get THAT crazy where you don't wanna spend time with a girl? Other day, he said I was definitely not at all being pushy ( I asked him bc i mentioned that we had not hung out in weeks) and that he definitely wants to see me but things have just been a bit crazy. Bottom line, is would I know by now if this guy wants to be my boyfriend? Or have there been times where a guy will act this aloof and random and then change his mind etc... I havent mentioned really anything at all, like "what are you looking for etc" So far, it has been very "chill" We just hang out... Should I waste my time hoping he may wanna be my boyfriend at some point?
Mr. Slim Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 He may be taking it slow. Based on what you've written, I think it would be a stretch even if he wanted to. The relationship is still in the early stages, it sounds like. Keep in mind, some guys (like myself) aren't terribly concerned with unofficial titles like "boyfriend". What you want to pay attention to is his behavior, which hopefully would start to more closely resemble one. So far it hasn't, but I don't think six dates is enough to count him out.
Author njruns75 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Hi! Thanks for the reply. What do you mean by "it's a stretch?" To think he is wanting a relationship? Thanks.
snug.bunny Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 He may be taking it slow. Based on what you've written, I think it would be a stretch even if he wanted to. The relationship is still in the early stages, it sounds like. Keep in mind, some guys (like myself) aren't terribly concerned with unofficial titles like "boyfriend". What you want to pay attention to is his behavior, which hopefully would start to more closely resemble one. So far it hasn't, but I don't think six dates is enough to count him out. I agree with this. A few years ago though, I tended to disagree. Women are so conditioned to look for "the one" when dating, instead of just enjoying each other and learning... Had I not been in such a "rush", or projected a false expectation of the other person, I could have possibly salvaged a good friendship. Granted, you do need to be aware of your feelings and avoid dismissing them if you find they are not being taken into consideration by the other person.
Author njruns75 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Thanks , very true! I am trying to just have fun with this guy and see how it goes, which I have never really done in the past, myself. I have been known to question and probably have scared off some guys in the past. Also, i have to say, I just got out of a 6 year relationship, so haven't dated in a while. This is why I ask... know there is a general "rule" not to ask too many questions of the guy or ask "what's up?" or "why didn't you call?" so I havent asked anything at all or even brought up my ex or his ex.Basically, I just didn't know if this slow pace is normal or worth it. I am just starting to have "slight" feelings for this person too, meaning I like him!! I'm hopeful that he will want more but I dont wanna get my hopes up either. My thoughts are that he is not able to give 100% to anyone for some reason or another right now, and not to take it personally.but maybe he will at some point?? I hope.
Yookie Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Sounds like he is not moving the relationship forward at all especially if he's now waiting 3 weeks to even see you and only after you called him out on it. What are you doing when you "hang out" with him? Have you met his friends and family? At this point I would not put all my eggs in that basket. Date others in the meantime until he makes it clear he is interested in more from you.
chelle21689 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I was seeing someone for 5 months and he finally asked me to be his gf a week ago. He was so nervous lmao. Now he's slow!
henderson14 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Saying work was crazy is just an excuse. How many hours is he working? If he was that into you he would want to see you more often by now. Usually after 5-6 dates he should know if he wants to be with you long term or not.
Mr. Slim Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 By a stretch I mean that with only six times seeing each other and spaced out the way it's been, it would be a stretch for you to take him seriously even if he asked you. Also, either you like the guy or not. If he is just a generic, replaceable cog then certainly you can find a more available replacement. If he's not, then yes, you may have to stick your neck out a bit. That's the way it goes.
carhill Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I noted how he's done all the proactive contacting and pursuit. Shoe, meet other foot. Relationships are just that, relating. Proactive synergy. He's done his part. There's more to being in a relationship than 'letting him'. Good luck.
Author njruns75 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Yeah, I'm thinking that if he was that interested, he'd see me more and make more contact, by now! I mean, especially since I'm newly single and if he liked me, wouldn't he worry another man would snatch me if he didn't make a move on already? He didn't just say "work has been crazy" but a generic, "Things are just crazy." He had some issues with his ex, I know, and he now has her blocked from calling/text/emailing. I haven't asked really what the "craziness" was. Guess I'll just have to wait it out and see. But I know I won't pursue him or pester him if he's not going to move forward at some point soon. Also, since only 6 dates, I have not met friends or family at all. Do you think maybe he is just bored, so continues to see me when he can outta boredom? It was after I said "I get the sense maybe you do not want to hang out since it's been a while (3 weeks)" Right after that he replied, "I definitely want to see you! Things have just been a bit crazy.Why don't you stop over tonight." Then when I left he said, "maybe we can get together and spend more time this Sat. see you soon.."
AmericanHoney Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I have learned I have to take everything in stride I guess and take it day by day. Waiting sucks but sometimes good things happen to those who wait. 1
wezol Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 He may be thinking the exact same thing as you, saying "man she never calls me to ask if I want to do something, maybe she just doesn't see this going any further", so he may be trying to take it slow, and get a feel for how YOU feel about it all. Not to say that the man shouldnt call, I think the first few dates, for the most part, should be on the man. But after 6-8 dates over two months and I look back and realize that I'm the only one initiating dates, I'm gonna back off thinking that she's not that into me.
thatone Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 (edited) I noted how he's done all the proactive contacting and pursuit. Shoe, meet other foot. Relationships are just that, relating. Proactive synergy. He's done his part. There's more to being in a relationship than 'letting him'. Good luck. beat me to it. you have no time for a relationship with him njruns, you're too busy with the one between you and yourself. your lack of confidence is why you are in the shape you're in with this man, and why you'll be that way again when this guy is gone and you find another one. men aren't stupid, when we put forth effort and get none in return, you get minimal time and contact. you don't deserve anything more than what you've got. that's what you have to come to terms with and learn to correct. Edited August 9, 2011 by thatone
Pierre Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 How slow is too slow moving? If a guy really wanted a relationship wouldn't you know right pretty soon? I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months. I have seen him a total of about 6 times. He contacts me every few days or so and usually he contacts me first. I wait for him to do the contacting. He keeps the line of communication going, but doesn't ask me out as much as I would think if he were interested. I would hope to see someone at least once a week in the beginning, but I saw him on Sat for the first time in 3 weeks! he went away one of them. In those 3 weeks he contacted me, saying we have to get together soon etc. but then kept saying how work was "crazy" etc. Is it possible that work can really get THAT crazy where you don't wanna spend time with a girl? Other day, he said I was definitely not at all being pushy ( I asked him bc i mentioned that we had not hung out in weeks) and that he definitely wants to see me but things have just been a bit crazy. Bottom line, is would I know by now if this guy wants to be my boyfriend? Or have there been times where a guy will act this aloof and random and then change his mind etc... I havent mentioned really anything at all, like "what are you looking for etc" So far, it has been very "chill" We just hang out... Should I waste my time hoping he may wanna be my boyfriend at some point? When a man really likes a woman he moves much faster than this. He is simply keeping you in his current herd of women. He is the pastor and you are one of the sheep. I hope you did not sleep with him.
Author njruns75 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 I think I have made it some what obvious that I want to spend more time with him. I invited him to 2 things, so far ( a concert and tubing with a bunch of people). He wasn't able to go to either because he went on vacation the week of concert and worked day of tubing. I also said once "Geez, I haven't seen ya in a while" and he replied, "I know, it'll happen really soon, things have just been crazy but I want to see you!" I also did tell him once that it's good we take things slow since we both had some bad ex issues and recently got of something. What does a man consider to be TOO much pursuing? There were also a couple times when he said "maybe we can do something this day or that day.." and then never brought up doing anything! He'd contact me that day, but would not ask me to do something, or would say he was running around busy. IDK maybe he is using me, but I sure hope not.
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