victor810 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 (edited) Hello everyone I have been with my girlfriend for six years now. We have had our bumps in the road like other relationships and recently we had time apart from July to Aug 2011. Part of our aruguments have been about her trust issues with me. She gets jealous and upset about the smallest things. (Example) I went to the a baseball game with her and another couple and a girl that I worked with called my name, and I replied while briefly introducing everyone. My girlfriend got mad because I didnt introduce her as my signicficant other. I tell her that I love her and she tells me that she beleives me , but she does not trust me. It hurts me deeply because i feel as though she is trying to punish me by constantly arguing about things that happened 3 yrs ago. Recently we met for lunch after weeks without seeing each other and she seemed to be angry and spiteful toward me. She would get mad, then cry, start talking then get mad, and cry again. She emailed me the next day and below were her questions. [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Girlfriend[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]- I heard a lot of apology's, but what are the actions that you are going to make to make things different?[/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]- What are your plans for our living arrangements?[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]- What are your plans for our future?[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] I must tell you that we did live together but I returned her key and garage door opener because she started locking me out , and holding on to my clothes when I would come home. These were my answers in response to the above questions. Living arrangements How can I feel like my belongings are safe when you get rid of them ? I use to come home everynight until you start locking me out and telling me to take my things Maybe you are unaware of these things but I feel you need to look at what I mentioned. - You heard a lot of appology's In fact you did hear this, I appoligized for not calling on behalf of my late arrival. - What are our plans for the future ? We need to focus on the first question which is you getting upset and locking the doors, or putting my things in bags. Each time we have went out you have caused or excited an argument because you have flashbacks, or get jealousy It does not matter what happened that night or how angry you were. You did not act like a lady. She waited in the parking lot while I came out of a lounge with my friend. She used some unpleasent words. This is when we did not speak for over a month Second Why would you want me to do any of the above requests when you tell me. 1. Im not anything and your family agrees. You must want drama when I see your family, because I have never said anything about you and my family, or what they think of you. How or why would I ever feel comfortable sitting or eating across from them ? Maybe you forgot about that long letter you typed to your family 4 years ago? Now all of a sudden you turn your back on me and beleive the people who did not accept me from Day 1 They preyed on our disagreements in our relationship and used that to deceive you. In fact you know this. 2. Why would you ask the above ? if you think that Im dishonest, unfaithful, Its interesting how you say that Im no role model for your son but you use these words. 3. Lastnight You try to tell me that I need anger management ? Im not the one who hangs up the phone on people. 4. What are you going to do to work on your issues ? Below is her responses to my email I see that you didn't really understand what I was asking for in my email. I was looking for actions (to move forward) rather than more recapping of what has happened. Your email below is arguementative, and take away from all of the things you said yesterday. It makes yesterday seem very insincere. But to reply, you have hurt me on a grand scale, at least, once per year since 2009. It was Vegas in early 2009, Chicago in October 2010 and now this in mid-2011. On average, you have a commitment-phobe episode once per year. I asked you the same questions that I have been thinking about. You apologised to me yesterday, so what do you want your living arrangements to be if we stay together? Are we just dating so that I wouldn't expect anything from you? would we live together? and what does that actually look like? Love without respect is not good for either of us. I am just worried that I’ll be going through this yearly, and that’s not fair to me, or to my son, who is going to think this kind of thing is normal. I have not heard from you what our future would look like. Here is my reply If you are willing to move forward and we can put things behind us, Im willing to do that. Call me She emails me back and I was totally confused by her email, I figured if we move forward than we must put the past behind us. Now she does not know what she wants. Someone tell me what this means ? Why do I feel like I have to settle for less than what I really want? The fact that you have devastated me with your actions year over year, is something for me to consider. If I didn't consider it I would be a fool. I don't deserve to be treated so insignificantly. You are asking me to get back together with you. Yet, all you can offer is, "lets forget everything and move forward." I'm sorry, but I really think that distance will be good for both of us. Perhaps we will both be happier in the end. This is where I got really confused, because she emailed me wanting to work things out now it seems as though I mentioned about putting things behind us and she acts completely different. Edited August 8, 2011 by victor810 color font did not show up
creighton0123 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 She was "devastated" by your not introducing her as your girlfriend to a passing coworker? The girl has got issues. Locking you out of your house repeatedly, packing your things up and throwing your things out repeatedly... the girl has got issues. While you seem keen on communication, both of you are spending quite a bit of time digging the proverbial knives in further and twisting, twisting, twisting. You've been together for a long time. Six years is quite a bit in anyone's book. If you can spare the money, recommend to her that you find it emotionally hard to communicate with her and you would like a third party to help you get over this communication barrier. Find a couples councilor and, if she is willing, go there with her to work through whatever it is that's blocking the two of you in a mature and controlled environment. And please stop emailing one another. Email is cold and impersonal. It is no way to resolve relationship communication problems.
Author victor810 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Thanks for the reply, Six years is a long time and Im ashamed that things have gotten to the point where she cant see that all of this is not adult like. She is 34 yrs old and acts this way. Today on the phone she told me that I needed therapy
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