collegeguy_24 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Here is something I've been thinking about a lot as of late. A female friend of mine and her boyfriend broke up less then a month ago, being the friend that I am I tried to cheer her up. She told she is kind of glad they broke, and that she is taking a break from dating, a break to find more about herself and to focus on college. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, especially since she even said she needed time to heal since the relationship that just ended last well over a year. Less then a month later she goes back on what she said and enters into a new relationship. My ex did the same thing in a way. She told me she was not going to date for a while to focus on school and learn more about herself, two weeks later she is in a new relationship. Of course I later found out she cheated on me with him, but she refuses to admit or see it, despite the fact some of her friends, former friends, and even her own family all say what she did was cheat. My question is this: Why do women end relationships and say they are going to wait before they try dating again, only to go back on what they say and enter into a new relationship immediately? I don't get it, why say one thing and do the opposite? If you have no intention of following through, why the hell won't they just admit it? THese are not the only women I've seen do this, and I'm just confused as to why they do. It makes no sense to me, and I'm hoping some women on here can be able to explain this to me. Because frankly it perplexes me.
Audrina Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I have a friend who does this too and it baffles me. At the end of the day, while I can't speak for other women, I can speak for her - it's because she needs a relationship to validate her happiness. When I broke up with one of my exes, we had been in a very serious relationship. I promised myself that I would take a year to myself, and I did. Actually, at the end of the year I decided I wanted at least six more months. It was the best thing I could have ever done for myself. During that time I was taking to myself, there were plenty of opportunities for me to date, but I felt like my head and heart was in such a state of chaos that it would be unfair to enter into a relationship. Did I miss up on some good men? Sure I did, but I also learned more about myself than I could have hoped for. Most importantly, I learned how to create my own happiness without the help (or without needing) of someone else. Since I took that break from dating, I've found that I was happier in general, more men were attracted to me, and I still held out of the one that I thought was a best match for me, and I'm glad I did. Back to the point -- I think many young ladies flip flop from being in a relationship and saying they are going to take a break to going back into a relationship because they are seeking validation, are immature or just don't really know what they want. I wouldn't worry about it - your user name is college guy, sounds like you should let the "women" you are dating grow up a little.
Cee Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I was one of those women you talked about. The reason I couldn't stay out of a relationship is I couldn't deal with the discomfort of being single. I felt empty and incomplete being single and I couldn't bear that feeling. Sure, I wanted to work on myself, but I couldn't face uncomfortable feelings. Being single isn't rainbows and flowers. Whereas a new romance can mimic an idealized fantasy. The only way I got cured was to go in therapy. And then I was able to be single and work on myself.
bluenightowl Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I was one of those women you talked about. The reason I couldn't stay out of a relationship is I couldn't deal with the discomfort of being single. I felt empty and incomplete being single and I couldn't bear that feeling. Sure, I wanted to work on myself, but I couldn't face uncomfortable feelings. Being single isn't rainbows and flowers. Whereas a new romance can mimic an idealized fantasy. The only way I got cured was to go in therapy. And then I was able to be single and work on myself. Yup. I don't think its just a female thing. We are humans. We are not always rational and predictable. We says things and think this is what we want, but emotions are powerful things. I find people says things they don't really mean, not because they are lying, its just we change our minds and one day feel differently.
dasein Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Most people are hypocrites who say whatever in the moment will make them feel better, and then do whatever in the moment they want to, regardless of whether their words and actions match up. It's a given reality to get used to because you will see it constantly once you get out of school. While it isn't a great big evil, it's best to identify inconsistent behavior in people and limit those types' involvement in your life. There are people out there who make a point of doing what they say they are going to do, and taking action before speaking. Seek those out and build relationships with them. If you sit back and just make friends with whoever comes your way, you will end up with lots of dregs for "friends." I made this mistake myself about your age, and it's a good one to avoid. Spend your time and energy on people of quality.
Cypress25 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 She changed her mind. It's not a big deal, people change their minds all the time. It's not like she promised you that she would remain single.
Recommended Posts