JaydaLeah Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Im not sure if there is anyone else out there in the same situation as me. It has been a long time since i came into this forum. MY bf and I were in a 2.5yrs LDR and things were terrible tough, but we made it through. We were both extremely committed and determine to make it work. He has been back with me for the past 6 mths. And things aren't turning out what i expected. We stayed together and i found that there are things i cannot tolerate abt him. Suddenly, i find its a different ballgame altogether. I find that he is not what im looking for in a husband. He loves me with all his heart - that i know. But i find myself loving him lesser. I find him more of a good friend, a good guy to hang out with than a lover. It has been 3.5 yrs that we are together now.. Everyone sees us as the perfect couple who weathered through all. But the closer we are physically, the more i find out what it is like to be with him as a wife - meaning staying together, spending the rest of our lives together, financially etc, i find the more he is not someone i can say "i Do" to. Dilemma.. The only thing holding be back with him, is the years we had together, and how i know if i let him go, there might just be no one else who can love me as much. But do i love him? that's the qn.
Els Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 It IS a different ballgame when you are living together. In fact, I think the transition is a very, very hard time for many LDR couples. Most of us go immediately from distance to a very committed, living-together type of relationship because you just have to be in that stage of an R to survive the LD to begin with. We did not really have the chance to ease from the honeymoon stage of dating (meeting each other once a week, etc), gradually towards living together. Do you make a point to have separate lives outside an R? A mistake I made when going to be with the bf in another country was to try and spend all our free time together, because when you are in an LDR, time together is so precious you want to make the most of it. And that makes you jaded. You also need to try and do date-y stuff together once in a while, even if you are living together. And most of all, you have to accept that some of the 'highs' are lost when you live together, but in its place you have a more stable plateau of partnership, instead of a series of highs and lows that correspond to the visits and time apart. Expecting such highs will only leave you disillusioned. Also, there is also the possibility that both of you are incompatible when it comes to habits and lifestyles while living together, yes. What are the things that you cannot tolerate about him?
Recommended Posts