Peagle87 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Im so sick of dealing with this. Im not moving forward with the grieving process at all. Im just going thru all five stages in circles. This bitch caused me so much stress my own body attacked me and i had a severe infection that paralyzed my face. Just pushes people away everyone who cares about her. Im doing this partially to me. She only talked to me when she lost her job. Other than that shes NEVER been there for me. Just pretending to be by my side as my virus ravaged my face and a constant stream of oxys coursed thru my veins to kill off my pain as my nerve regrew. Im torn between wanting us back soley for the emotions she brought out in me. I miss being in love. It was so passionate filled but so wrong at the same time. I just cant date a normal girl they bore me to tears. I miss my oxys they made me feel so aloof. Though people say shes moved on she has thrown a few breadcrumbs of curiosity and even jealousy. I have so much going for me. Though i am not horribly out of shape im going to be the face of an mma gym. I cant say who but i have a custom program being built by a ufc fighter to transform me and promote his business. I have amazing friends. Im seeking a therapist next week. I know more than anything when i broke up im missing emotional fulfillment and i didnt have it to fall back on. I dont think nc will work im driving myself nuts. Im actually visualizing my heart blackening and ice flooding my blood. Somehow i feel like i lost the greatest thing ever. My mind believes it. My heart stubbornly refuses to be defeated.
Author Peagle87 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 I dont think LS likes me very mucb lol. The whole community is NCing or LCing my posts it seems
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