Going through separaion or divorce? I beg you leave the children out of it!

[scaredandalone1223]

I know I'm not the first to say this and I pray not to be the last but I still see it so often and can't help but hurt for the children.

 

My BIL is currently in a custody battle with his stbxw. She is by all accounts a POS. A POS wife and a POS mother. He has temp. custody and she has signed off on only seeing the children every other weekend and even then it's more so she can hopefully figure out some way to get money or food stamps. With that said however I would NEVER express my feelings about her in front of her children...NEVER. One because they will see for themselves and in many ways they already do, especially the oldest. Two no matter how we feel about her she is still and will always be their mother and they do love her.

 

I'm not saying to sing praises of the other parent if they do not deserve it but go back to the 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'. My BIL's family is, for the most part sticking to this. Although at the hearing last week one of his witnesses, non family member, went off on how bad his stbx is. Everything she was saying was TRUE but my 12 year old nephew did not need to be exposed to those details. I quickly asked him to come with me to grab a soda, but when we got the the vending machine I could see the tears in his eyes. I know his mom does the same thing and has said many hurtful things to the children but two wrongs to not make a right. My MIL tends to let her tongue slip and I find myself constantly reminding her the kids are in earshot and I can guarantee they are listening!

 

My parents divorced when I was young and my mother made sure to point out every flaw my father had. My father on the other hand never spoke ill of my mother and to this day if I, as an adult, say something derogatory about her he puts me in my place quick. For this I have a world of respect for him.

 

So please even if your spouse has been a horrible spouse or even a less than admirable parent bite your tongue and let the legal system take care of it! Arrange no visitation or supervised visitation but for young children they only need to know so much. Often times a person is a horrible spouse but an excellent parent and the children still get exposed to hateful remarks said by one parent or the other. Remember you are their parent NOT their friend. They are not there to console you and listen to the hardships your ex is putting you through. They have it hard enough that their family is being destroyed please do not do more damage by destroying them even further!

Edited August 8, 2011 by scaredandalone1223