nowherebound25 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I honestly wonder what I ever thought about before I met, and was eventually dumped by, him. Whenever my mind has a chance to wander, he's the first place it goes. It's been 7 months and I just want my thoughts to be my own again. I don't daydream about us getting back together. I just think about him. I think about what I'd say if I ever saw him again. I think about the good times. The bad times. The boring times. I think about every moment we were ever together. It's like a movie that's that's stuck on a loop in my brain. My time is very occupied and I have plenty of other things to think about but like I said, the first chance my mind has to wander, he's there. He was my first everything so I know that probably has a lot to do with it but will there ever come a time I can go more than an hour without him crossing my mind?
smudge21 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Replace 'he' for 'she' and that could easily be my life right now. I know from past experiences that yes, there will come a time when you no longer think about him in this way. You'll always remember him, but that emotional bond will be broken and you'll be able to just remember him without it hurting so much. We never forget exs, we just accept that they're gone. As for when that will happen - how long is a piece of string? There's no time limit and for me (nearly 7 months NC) I also wonder when it will happen, but the moment we start thinking when, that's when we think about them too, which slows down that healing process. Other than the usual about staying NC, keeping busy, meeting other people etc etc, I can't really offer any other advice, except just stay strong and eventually you will heal. I find just telling myself that I still think about her and there's nothing I can do about it, gets me through the day a bit better. Like an acceptance of what I'm going through and the fact I can't force it to go away. So I just carry on, take each day at a time.
Author nowherebound25 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Thank you so much for the response smudge. It's always nice to know that what I'm going through happens to other people and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I guess I just need to accept that even this far down the road, I'm still not 100% healed yet. I hope we both find someone better to think about soon
smudge21 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 The moment you meet someone you will be healed... but also the moment you're healed you'll meet someone. In other words, there's no rules. One day you'll just not care as much as you did - you won't be able to remember when the feelings went, but you'll just be in a happier place. Even though I'm suffering (especially after the weekend just gone) I find coming here and offering advice is very helpful. Good luck and stay strong.
shortee143 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 smudge- always good advice I see by you on the board. OP- you are not alone, it has been 5 months, and not a single day has gone by that I dont think of him (be it hurt, anger, sadness, loss, love) Sometimes I think it is crazy, that for this long, every single day, he has been on my mind, sometimes as soon as I wake up. He is in my life, and I see him more often than I'd like, so of course that is part of why he is a constant on my mind. There is def no timeline- but I am way better than before, but doesnt mean he still isnt on my mind. I dont hate being single, but I dont think I will fully stop thinking of him til someone else comes along. However, being that he is in my life, and not going anywhere, I do wonder what, say 6 months, from now, things will be like, and I will ever forget his bs, or if I'll look at him and always remember/hurt.
CaliBabe Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Just sharing my own personal experience... It has been 2 months since my break up (I was dumped) and I am healing. I fell in love again... I fell in love with myself! Everything I do revolves around me. What makes me happy and what I enjoy doing. This is a really hard time for yourself and you really need to nuture and almost baby your soul back to being whole again. Screw everyone else! It's you time! I have made a list of things that I like to do, that would make me happy and what would make me a better more interesting and well rounded person and slowly but surely I am doing them. I will soon have accomplished all on my list. I'm telling you ladies, look in the mirror and find your self worth. Come to realize how much of a BAD B*TCH you really are. When you look at yourself in the mirror don't feel bad for yourself, feel bad that your ex is missing out on such a beautful woman! Trust me, once you start doing this and living your life this way you will believe it and everyone around you will too. It's like everyone wants to be around you. I want to tell you ladies that I feel you. I was crushed as I felt I lost the love of my life. But you know what, all you really NEED is yourself. Make yourself whole, love yourself first, only then can you begin to share that love with the next lucky guy. I wish you ladies the best in your healing... Remember, they say there are two soulmates in our lives... So at this point say NNEEEXXXXTTTTT!
D-Lish Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 YES, there will come a time when you don't think of him anymore. You said this was your first heartbreak? My first heartbreak added me on facebook last year- and I had to laugh, I hadn't thought of him since I was 20 and I am now 41. Do you get over it? Yes.... You absolutely will. It sucks when you have this "want" to move on and your emotions don't play along.
Author nowherebound25 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Thank you so much for all the responses! I love LS and all the wonderful people on it willing to share their experiences and advice. D - Yup, this was my first and I'm 25. He was my first EVERYTHING which I know is what is making this all the more difficult but I can remember how much worse it was even just 3 months ago so I know it will get better. I just wish I could skip this crappy part and get right to the part where I find the guy that makes me forget all about butt head (that's his new name btw haha). I love the way my cousin put the whole situation into perspective though. She said: "Someday, this will all just be part of a long and funny story about how you met your husband."
lovehurts161 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 He was my second, but I feel like I've never gone through a worse break-up. Though I had been with my first for 5 years, our break up didn't make me this terrible and devastated. For me it's been more than a month only, but I keep wondering the same thing, will I ever be able to completely forget him? No, I don't want it to last as long as 7 months like yours. He's still in my mind all the time, even though it doesn't hurt as much as the first weeks, I'm still so sad and down, feeling like there's no more hope in this life. I know I'm getting better day by day, but I have the same wish, if only I could skip this crappy part and get to the part where I can finally be happy with someone just for me and completely get him off my mind.
spiritofjosh Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I can agree with smudge, replace "he" with "she" and I'm on the same page. Only thing its been a year since me and her broke up and we dated for 5, and about 8 or 9 months of NC. I've done whatever with other girls since. Dated, went on dates, hooked up with what have you and it all just feels alien to me, like I felt more right about everything with the ex when I try not to feel that way. I still have this gut feeling it's not over between us, that we have something more in the future but that's another feeling I'd like to shake off but can't. The hardest part to me is we didn't break up from something traumatic (cheating, lying etc) I just wasn't doing my part in the relationship and she got tired of being walked on and unappreciated. So this leaves me pointing the blame at myself where I feel like it would be easier to be bitter towards her, when in reality she was just sticking up for herself. Sorry for the rant but my point is that you aren't alone, millions of people, a few right on here, are in the exact same boat as you right now. And I believe, and hope, that we'll all move on to bigger, better things sooner than later because these feelings are getting old, to me at least.
sleepykitten Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 yep, i am there too-was doing pretty good untill i find out this weekend he is with someone else and has been since day 1 of our split so probably before too. saw all her facebook updates about her perfect botfriend, another wonderful weekend with my baby, with my favourite person in the world. God the pain was unbearable especially since we had seen each other 3-4 times since the split 25th may and had slept together and each time i would ask if he was seeing anyone or had a gf and he said no. i feel like i am back to square one.
shortee143 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 yep, i am there too-was doing pretty good untill i find out this weekend he is with someone else and has been since day 1 of our split so probably before too. saw all her facebook updates about her perfect botfriend, another wonderful weekend with my baby, with my favourite person in the world. God the pain was unbearable especially since we had seen each other 3-4 times since the split 25th may and had slept together and each time i would ask if he was seeing anyone or had a gf and he said no. i feel like i am back to square one. Sleepykitten- right there with ya. My ex has moved on fast, told me how great/beautiful his new girl is, etc. We too had that dreaded ex-sex, he lied to me about dating, etc. The pain really is unbearable- a breakup is hard enough, but then dealing with more hurt, lies, watching them move on like they never cared- gosh you can wreck your brain thinking of it all. I see my ex too, due to mutual friends, and dreading the day I am around him and HER. As if hearing about her isnt bad enough, heh. But try to remember- she thinks he is so wonderful, perfect, etc---you thought of him that way too, no? Wait til he screws her over, and see how wonderful she thinks he is!
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