Should I see him ?

[babyygirllhi]

I was with a guy for 1 year. He broke up with me but spent like 1 month deciding. Or well, after deciding we still saw eachother, made love, and it actually felt amazing (except for the fact that i knew he didnt want to be with me). He told me he is still in love with me, i'm the absolute perfect girl in every way, he misses me so much, BUT he needs to be alone. This guy needs to be alone, he is the most selfish guy I know. He needs to do everything for himself. Anyway, finally my eyes have opened and I see how selfish this guy is. (however it's only been abotu 3 weeks since we have seen eacohther). During the WHOLE relationship, I had to beg for his attention, I tried to teach him the way of life and how to treat people ... I mean this guy has a LOT to learn. He doesnt want to work, bc he thnks he should be able to do whatever he wants.His motivation behind everything is all for himself (he wants to be alone because he wants to do whatever he wants without having to worry about anyone else)..he even told me this. deep down he is truly this like, amazing, sweet, caring, emotional guy ... but this other part of him wont allow this, it forces him to be something else and its so obvious he isnt happy unless he can push himself to get there. But since he is trying so hard to get there, he is selfish.(Trust me, this showed through in the relationship!!).

 

I truly believe this guy loves me and misses me (except he was too unhappy with himself so he had to push me away). Like he truly had to force me out of his life. Either way, i'm moving to Florida (im in sweden now) and he wants to see me before i move (which is in 17 days). I asked what would happen and he said "I will pick you up, hold you tight and and cry" ... So ok, he wants to see me and hold me and cry ... again, SELFISH, because he still doesnt want to be with me! I got it out of him that he has kissed another girl (who knows if he has done more) and i mean, i know it's to get over me. Thats just how he works. He is soo selfish he doesnt even realize that he is an ass for doing that yet to still want to cry in my arms ...Throughout the WHOLE 1 year I have known him, up to us breaking up, i was needy and begging for his attention. I would spoil him rotten even though i didnt get anything back.

 

So what is best to do? I can ..

 

A) see him. But only for my own self dignity. Because for ONCE he is going to see a whole different girl. I have ALLLWAYS been so sweet and loving, even during the break up!! and i think it could feel amazing to for ONCE, stand up to him instead of cry at his feet. I will have complete confidence and be happy, take us to a cafe to sit , talk a bit, and say goodybe while i am looking good, feeling good, confident, happy, and talk about my future plans . Then dont give in to ANYYY type of his crap, if he talks about missing me etc. Because seriously, the WHOLE relatinoship i have just worshiped him and spoiled him, so i think it could be amazing to show him "heeey, im doing good without you and im not trying to kiss or hold or love you!" i mean even up to the last day we broke up and left eachother, i was holding him and kissing, telling him he is amazing and letting him make a cute face while i smiled. him not seeing me follow him like a freaking kid would feel amazing. I will be the NEW me and i think he will be shocked.

 

Dont get me wrong, i will have to take a galss of wine before i go, put on the game face, and do it. and once he leaves, i will probably go home and cry all night. BUT i also believe i could wake up the next day feeling great that i left him with confidence and happiness so he feels what it is to not have me anymore. and to SEE that im doing great without him, for once

 

B) i tell him i dont want to see him. which says a lot. and he wont get what he wants.

 

 

 

Also, Will he feel worse if he has to sit on the train home, past the city im in without getting to get off and see me? or will he feel worse getting off the train, expecting to see the old me and expecting long hugs and hand holding (which i seriously could see him expecting) and instead getting only the new, single, confident, not into him anymore me? This will be a HUGE change to him, and should help my digninty!!

 

The main point is I am ashamed that I let myself go, in order to try and make it work with him. I mean, I tried and tried, I showed SOO much love, I didnt take care of myself. And I feel like I lost my dignity. So what is the best way to get it back and show him I have it? To not let him see me, or to let him see but show no emotion and be confident and happy? While making it a very short visit and leaving walking away with a smile on my face strutting my stuff...

Edited August 8, 2011 by babyygirllhi

[bonpaw2008]

Hey - don't see him. He says he doesn't want to be with you and you need to believe him. You can't think that you know in your heart that he is so in love with you because his actions are not showing you that. He sounds messed up and has a lot of stuff to fix on his side. He broke up with you so that is not your problem anymore. Work on yourself, get yourself back, get strong and move on. I know how hard it is, I am a fixer too, all I want to do is make everything better for everyone. He needs to be alone to fix himself, and you need to go NC to get yourself back.

 

He is using you because he is lonely, and that is not your job anymore. Read everything you can on here, the two links in my signature will help you understand NC. Get yourself back, he doesn't deserve you.

[Mack05]

"BabyGirlhi,

 

Your ex seems very much like an eccentric character. In my experience, relationships with eccentric characters can be very frustrating. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of yourself into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole.

 

I don't believe this man can give you the kind of loving relationship that you are looking for. It pointless trying to figure out a guy like this, because eccentric people do not have the same thought process of a 'normal' person. I think the longer you stay attached to this man, the more heartbreak you are going to suffer. To me this very simple. Go No contact and stay no contact (no matter what). It's harder for you to see things clearly, as you are the one suffering from the broken heart. Obviously this guy has a lot of great qualities, otherwise you would not have fallen in love in the first place. I am almost certain though, a man like this cannot make you happy longterm. Babygirlhi it's time to cut your losses.. "

 

Should I use my invisibly for good or for evil? If you want to feel worse, have your heart broken over and over again then by all means, stick with this eccentric weirdo. You want to start healing then delete everything (phonenumber, emails, Facebook, myspace) and find yourself a man that will treat you right (after you have taken enough time to grieve). It really is up to you. Do you want to help or hurt yourself? It's that simple, the only reason it's not that simple for you, is because you are not thinking clearly or rationally..When you do eventually start to think clearly, you will realise that you could never have been happy with this guy. Stop ignoring your inner voice. Right now you are a) scared and b) you don't want to have to face the pain. The longer you leave it the longer the painful journey back..Respect yourself and do not meet this guy. You will thank yourself in the future.

 

Focus on yourself...The rest will take care of itself...

 

Although I am fully expecting you to meet him, get really hurt and post on here in a few days. Some people don't want to help themselves. Please Babygirlhi don't be one of these people..

Edited August 9, 2011 by Mack05

[babyygirllhi]

UPDATE!!!

 

So.... If you have read what is going on, PLEASE READ THIS!

 

I ended up seeing him and it turned out NOTHING like i expected! No games were played. I talked to him 2 nights ago on the hpone for 4.5 hours ... he said it felt great. he texted the next day to see how i was. then i wrote back he could come see me if he likes. (I am moving in 15 days...). He said he would let me know. Then wrote a bit later saying "i truly cant decide what is best". He then called, said he cant decide and asked what i expected. i said that i have had mixed feelings too, but dont want to regret not seeing him after i move. i told him i know he wants to be alone still, and that i feel the same way.

 

So i met with him at the train station, and the second we saw eachother we just held eachoher so tight, giggled, grabbed eachothers faces, looked into eachothers eyes, hugged for minutes. then he picked me up and held me. then gave me a small kiss. it was unreal. we walked, giggled, talked, smiled, held hands, giggled about how it felt like old days, and walked back to my place. He looked confident and happy. I also showed confidence and happiness. We ended up talking a lot about life, stayed up late, made love over and over, i FEEL his love for me. we talked about life and how he is figuring out what he wants, i told him some things about our past relationship and how i think he is hard to please with anything, he agreed, etc. He said i'm amazing, everything i said about my life, his life, he agreed with and said im amazing. But he has it so deep in him that he needs to be alone and figure out what he wants in life and what makes him happy. I agree. I also told him that during our relationship i always had to try to please him, because he was never happy. he agreed and said he felt bad it was like that. When we made love, it was such passion, as always, and just amazing. He stayed the night, we ended up spending like 20 hours together..

 

Yes, he had kissed a girla fter the breakup, but he told me he didnt like it. I told him i had slept with someone (which i have never had a one night stand!) and i said i had to do it. he said he understood, of course i can do what i want, but couldnt handle thinking or talking about it.

 

We left and cried and held eachoher and kissed and looked back at eachother. It's left with him going his own way to figure out what makes him happy and what he wants in life. Can i truly be the right girl for him? Or does he need a girl thats more "stuck up" that he needs to chase? Since it feels like nothing makes him happy? I mean, he is a VERY sweet guy, but nothing is ever good enough...even tho he is a very positive person and kind and happy guy. He is always making fun of things and complaining kinda. I told him this, and he listened very closely and agreed. I can see that he is struggling with himself, to find himself and what he wants. But thats what makes him so amazing, he wants to make himself better!

 

I have never loved a human being more than i do him. and i have never come close to being so attracted. and i know that it's the same for him. but he is a strong person and logical and does what is best for him. Any advice? I WILL move on, and i am ... but it kills me on the inside not knowing if we will ever end up together again. Life in general, i mean, was i just not the right lover for him? or can anyone see us being together after he finds himself? He has never been in love before or emotionally connected, at all, until me. im just so scared, knowing he "loves" me but needs to be alone makes it hard for me to EVER let go. will he ever be ready and will he want to be with me? before we left, he was holding me tight and didnt say "i love you" but said "dont you feel the love i have for you?" he has never had a girlfriend besides me .. and opened up SOOO much for me... but was i just there to teach him? but im not the right girl for him? maybe a friend, but not lover? even tho he is very attracted.. ? Im so confused!

 

also... this guy would NEVER do anything to hurt me and is the kindest person in the world and truly respects me. he is NOT using me.

 

whats the best advice? I stop caring for him, i mean i stop giving him my time? i can take his calls etc. (which wont be often) but is it best i show that im moving on and taking care of myself and that im putting myself before him?

Edited August 10, 2011 by babyygirllhi