k100danny Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Basically ive been seeing this girl for a couple of months, been close for a while before we got together, now before we got together i knew she had a nasty break up with her ex of 5 years around a year previous. He was emotionally blackmailing her to stay in the relationship threatening to harm himself ect, and she had been trying to get out of the relation ship for a couple of years before she finally got out. Now i have it from her friends that she really wants nothing to do with him anymore, she does say she would like him to move on and be happy but she doesnt feel he has truely moved on, although he cheated on her a lot ect. Now she doesnt want him to find out we are in a relationship, at least not yet, she says he has a lot of issues and she wants to keep the peace with him until he can finally let go. they dont really have contact and she tells me if and when he does try and get in contact with her. should i be feeling jealous? well not really jealous id just like to be happy and let her feel she can be happy without having to censor our relationship for him. maybe she is just a caring person. should this annoy me or am i over reacting?
HeavenOrHell Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 From what you've said you've got nothing to worry about, she's just worried he'll self harm or something if he finds out she's with someone else, he's put her in this position by emotionally blackmailing her Sounds like she is nervous about him hurting himself as he sounds unstable, and she is being caring as well. It really doesn't sound like she has feelings for him if that's what you're worried about. I do think she should come clean with him though, even though it's none of his business. Basically ive been seeing this girl for a couple of months, been close for a while before we got together, now before we got together i knew she had a nasty break up with her ex of 5 years around a year previous. He was emotionally blackmailing her to stay in the relationship threatening to harm himself ect, and she had been trying to get out of the relation ship for a couple of years before she finally got out. Now i have it from her friends that she really wants nothing to do with him anymore, she does say she would like him to move on and be happy but she doesnt feel he has truely moved on, although he cheated on her a lot ect. Now she doesnt want him to find out we are in a relationship, at least not yet, she says he has a lot of issues and she wants to keep the peace with him until he can finally let go. they dont really have contact and she tells me if and when he does try and get in contact with her. should i be feeling jealous? well not really jealous id just like to be happy and let her feel she can be happy without having to censor our relationship for him. maybe she is just a caring person. should this annoy me or am i over reacting?
babyygirllhi Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Honestly, I dont think you have anything to worry about. I think she just truly is worried about him threatening himself again. LIke you said yourself, she spent years trying to get out of it, which shows she is a caring prson right? she doesnt want to hurt him. So she is just doing the same now.
Ginger Beer Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Why is it your problem? If she knows he isn't ready to let her get into a relationship, she shouldn't get in one if she's bothered about his reaction. I think she still has feelings for him to be honest.
smudge21 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I wouldn't see this as a red flag, but maybe an orange one... as in it's a little bit concerning. I truly believe your girlfriend is being honest with you, but my concerns are with this emotional black mail. It can be very strong and I've seen it damage relationships many times. If she's not a strong willed character, she may be drawn back to him should he do anything stupid. He knows how to control her clearly so he's playing on those feelings. All you can do is offer to support and be there for her, show her how great you are together and try to take her mind off it. By all means talk to her about it if she wants, but don't start being pushy or judgemental - that will only push her away. Now of course, this is just my opinion from seeing it before - it doesn't mean it's going to turn out like this here. I'm just simply saying I'd be concerned. I hate when people use emotional blackmail and threaten to hurt themselves to get someone back. I hope everything turns out firght for you and her ex remains her ex.
Author k100danny Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 I guess it bothers me just because he seems to still be having some control over her. Not because i think she has feelings for him because i truly don't. he would have her back at the drop of a hat and she makes no effort to stay in touch with him, she always tells me when he tries to contact her. she said she just wishes he would totally let go so she was free of all ties with him. I just want her to be able to be happy in our relationship, or at least admit to him she is happy. i agree it is none of his business and she should be able to tell him but the type of person she is she would never try to hurt someones feelings espeically not as he seems very unstable.
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