just_a_guy__99 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 So me and my ex gf have been broken up about 3 1/2 months. We were together for 2 months then moved in together and lived together for about a year and a half. We have worked together since the beginning of our reltionship and still do. A bunch of nonsense went down and we broke up, I wont bore you with that story. We have been getting along great at work lately. Talking about when we were together and just everyday things. I tried to get back together about a month after we broke up and she said no way it could happen, so I just let it go for the past couple months. Tonight she left work before me. When I got out to my car there was a note on the windshield. It said: I try to ignore you, but I can't. I try not to look at you, but my eyes wont allow it. I try to deny you, but my heart refuses. Had to let you know. Call or text if you ever have the desire. (Heart) her name From the sounds of it she wants to give it another shot. But I don't want to get my hopes up. Tonight I could feel this vibe between us and all I could think was how much I love this girl. What do you think is going on here? Any advice, opinions or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!
KathyM Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 So me and my ex gf have been broken up about 3 1/2 months. We were together for 2 months then moved in together and lived together for about a year and a half. We have worked together since the beginning of our reltionship and still do. A bunch of nonsense went down and we broke up, I wont bore you with that story. We have been getting along great at work lately. Talking about when we were together and just everyday things. I tried to get back together about a month after we broke up and she said no way it could happen, so I just let it go for the past couple months. Tonight she left work before me. When I got out to my car there was a note on the windshield. It said: I try to ignore you, but I can't. I try not to look at you, but my eyes wont allow it. I try to deny you, but my heart refuses. Had to let you know. Call or text if you ever have the desire. (Heart) her name From the sounds of it she wants to give it another shot. But I don't want to get my hopes up. Tonight I could feel this vibe between us and all I could think was how much I love this girl. What do you think is going on here? Any advice, opinions or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks! She realizes she misses you. I think she wants you back. I think you should call her and set up a date. But take it slow. And if you do get back together, do not move in together. The surest way to break up a relationship is to move in together before marriage. Then all the little grievances of living together creep into the relationship and without the legal commitment, it's just too easy to break up over those little things.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I planned on asking her to do something on tues already just because things were going so well and then I got this. I was just going to invite her to the dog park with me. She really misses the dog she said so I figured that would be a good one lol. We will see how that goes. Any other opinions are welcomed.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Any other thoughts on this? Even if its just to agree
KathyM Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Thanks for the reply. I planned on asking her to do something on tues already just because things were going so well and then I got this. I was just going to invite her to the dog park with me. She really misses the dog she said so I figured that would be a good one lol. We will see how that goes. Any other opinions are welcomed. Sounds like a good plan. Call her today and arrange a date for tomorrow. Dogs have a way of establishing a bond between two people. I'm all in favor of using the dog to establish a bond or reestablish a bond.
Pierre Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 What do you think is going on here? Any advice, opinions or suggestions are welcomed. Thanks! I think she still loves you. There was a note on the windshield. It said: I try to ignore you, but I can't. I try not to look at you, but my eyes wont allow it. I try to deny you, but my heart refuses. Had to let you know. Call or text if you ever have the desire. (Heart) her name You don't need to be a rocket scientist to interpret those words. I suggest go back together, but live apart. Living together too soon is a relationship killer.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Thanks again for the replies. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't taking that note wrong. Like she misses me as a friend or something. and the moving in thing...I know that was a mistake. I am 30 and that was the first woman I ever lived with. I knew better until this one came around and love made me do stupid things. I would love to get back together and wait a good year or so before we move back in together. Thanks again. And if anyone else agrees or disagrees your thoughts are welcome.
youngskywalker Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Wow, I think your story is great. I think she loves you and misses you enough to really put her heart out to you like that. So now what do you do? First, do YOU really want to get back with her? Make sure you ask yourself that question seriously before you proceed. If you proceed I think you should do it with caution and slowly. Here is why: you seemed to have backed off from her and let her go... (at least she perceives it that way) and now she wants you back. Good for you! But, if you come crawling back into her arms I'm afraid she'll lose interest. If I were you I'd play a little cat and mouse game with it. Just like when you first started dating her. I hope it works out for you. I suggest leaving her a note saying how you've been thinking about her too or whatever. Then leave the ball in her court. Just play it like you're trying to get a first date with a new girl and you'll do fine! In saying all that keep in mind I don't know what the terms of your break-up was or what you two went through.
Pierre Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I would love to get back together and wait a good year or so before we move back in together. Thanks again. And if anyone else agrees or disagrees your thoughts are welcome. Why make the same mistake again? Don't move in together unless you are 300% sure she is the mother of your children. Otherwise, the two of you should become a couple again.
Pierre Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I suggest leaving her a note saying how you've been thinking about her too or whatever. Then leave the ball in her court. Just play it like you're trying to get a first date with a new girl and you'll do fine! In saying all that keep in mind I don't know what the terms of your break-up was or what you two went through. I agree with the exchange of notes as it has romantic impulses. However, this is no time to play hard to get. Ask her out and become a couple once again.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 Thanks again for replying. I am definetly going to ask her to do something...maybe in a note so its the best of both worlds lol. I have been 300% positive about this girl since day one. The past few months have been horrible without her around. I didn't want to break up in the first place, she was the one who ended it. I don't want children so she will definetly not be the mother of my child, but she can still be the love of my life. I will let you guys know how it goes in the next few days. Thanks again.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Well we texted each other a little last night. She is working tonight and going out of town for the day tomorrow so we are going to play some tennis on thurs. Hopefully it all works out.
KathyM Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Well we texted each other a little last night. She is working tonight and going out of town for the day tomorrow so we are going to play some tennis on thurs. Hopefully it all works out. That sounds nice. I hope it works out for you.
Miss Clavel Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Any other thoughts on this? Even if its just to agree She wants to see you naked, and SOON. Don't rush this, it's all good. Don't bring up "the future" unless she does. Just tell her, "I want to be with you in any way that works for both of us. I'd like it to be exclusive but I understand if you're not ready". :bunny:I just love when this stuff works out, good luck.
Pierre Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I'd like it to be exclusive but I understand if you're not ready". :bunny:I just love when this stuff works out, good luck. That is like saying: "I will understand if you want me to be your cuckold".:D
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Well I have an update... we didn't end up hanging out on thurs like we were suppose to. She was too tired she said and cancelled the night before. It was understandable though, she was at an amusement park all day and didn't get home until like 12. The next day at work she apologized about canceling. I told her no big deal and we just kept working. I asked her who she went with and she started to say a friend. Then stopped and said nevermind you wouldn't consider them a friend. It was because it was this guy who has been trying to hookup with her for a while. She wants no part of him, he is just her best friend's roommate. We had a little talk about how guys and girls can't just be friends. Then she had to ask a bunch of guys if that was true. 5 of 7 said they couldn't and I told her the 2 who said they could were lying so they could become her "friend". It was just friendly kidding, nothing serious or anything. So later that night she asked if we could be just friends. I told her flat out, NO. She asked me why we were going to play tennis then. I said I guess I don't know, I think im confused. Later that night she made a comment about us "using" each other. I just said that could be interesting. After I got home we texted a little bit because I had to let her know how I was feeling. I basically told her I still love her and can't act like I don't and I wanted to try and make things work. She said she felt the same but it would take time. I can understand that, I don't think we should jump back into spending every night together and what not. But hanging out and starting things over sounds great. So we decided to do that. But in the mean time we made a bit of an odd decision. We are going to go ahead and "use" each other to fulfill our "needs" but still continue to work on our actual relationship at a slower pace. I don't know how this is going to work out but we will see. What do you guys think of this idea? Is this a terrible idea?
strawberryshortstack Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 But in the mean time we made a bit of an odd decision. We are going to go ahead and "use" each other to fulfill our "needs" but still continue to work on our actual relationship at a slower pace. I don't know how this is going to work out but we will see. What do you guys think of this idea? Is this a terrible idea? Yes. I think you'll find that this will mostly be her using you to get what she needs, and very little, if any, work on the relationship.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Well I hope that's not the case. But if it is at least im getting something out of it too. Plus it will hopefully mean im still the only one seeing her naked. Even if im not her bf I still don't want to hear about her with someone else. Especially since I still love her.
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 Just out of curiosity Shy, did you read the first page with the note she wrote me? I don't know if that changes your opinion at all. Im not saying you are wrong or anything, that note just makes me think she does want to work on things and get her kicks too.
NursingGirl Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Well I have an update... we didn't end up hanging out on thurs like we were suppose to. She was too tired she said and cancelled the night before. It was understandable though, she was at an amusement park all day and didn't get home until like 12. The next day at work she apologized about canceling. I told her no big deal and we just kept working. I asked her who she went with and she started to say a friend. Then stopped and said nevermind you wouldn't consider them a friend. It was because it was this guy who has been trying to hookup with her for a while. She wants no part of him, he is just her best friend's roommate. We had a little talk about how guys and girls can't just be friends. Then she had to ask a bunch of guys if that was true. 5 of 7 said they couldn't and I told her the 2 who said they could were lying so they could become her "friend". It was just friendly kidding, nothing serious or anything. So later that night she asked if we could be just friends. I told her flat out, NO. She asked me why we were going to play tennis then. I said I guess I don't know, I think im confused. Later that night she made a comment about us "using" each other. I just said that could be interesting. After I got home we texted a little bit because I had to let her know how I was feeling. I basically told her I still love her and can't act like I don't and I wanted to try and make things work. She said she felt the same but it would take time. I can understand that, I don't think we should jump back into spending every night together and what not. But hanging out and starting things over sounds great. So we decided to do that. But in the mean time we made a bit of an odd decision. We are going to go ahead and "use" each other to fulfill our "needs" but still continue to work on our actual relationship at a slower pace. I don't know how this is going to work out but we will see. What do you guys think of this idea? Is this a terrible idea? Pierre is gonna freak out when he reads this. This is just a really bad idea. I look to my guy to set the pace of the relationship and to be honorable and to not only treat ME with respect but to treat himself with respect also. Telling her you couldn't be just friends but then coming to the conclusion that y'all will USE each other, sexually, when you really LOVE her?? WTHeck? And I hate the term "hangout". If you love her, respect yourself, figure out clearly what you want and communicate it to her and forget the whole using thing. You'll get used all right. You will hurt twice as bad when this doesn't work out (and it won't) and you will still have to see her everyday.
Pierre Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Pierre is gonna freak out when he reads this. This is just a really bad idea. I look to my guy to set the pace of the relationship and to be honorable and to not only treat ME with respect but to treat himself with respect also. Telling her you couldn't be just friends but then coming to the conclusion that y'all will USE each other, sexually, when you really LOVE her?? WTHeck? And I hate the term "hangout". If you love her, respect yourself, figure out clearly what you want and communicate it to her and forget the whole using thing. You'll get used all right. You will hurt twice as bad when this doesn't work out (and it won't) and you will still have to see her everyday. Generally the gals want a relationship and the men want a FWB. However, in this instance she wants the FWB and he wants a relationship. In this scenarios the person that seeks a relationship always get hurt. I would not do the FWB. It is always demeaning for the person that has feelings.
NursingGirl Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 Generally the gals want a relationship and the men want a FWB. However, in this instance she wants the FWB and he wants a relationship. In this scenarios the person that seeks a relationship always get hurt. I would not do the FWB. It is always demeaning for the person that has feelings. +1 Good self control Pierre.
Bittersweetie Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 So later that night she asked if we could be just friends. I told her flat out, NO. I came across your thread and read it, and when I saw the above, I thought good for him! I think too many people stay "friends" with a former lover in order to keep a connection, any kind of connection, and usually end up getting hurt. I was really impressed that you were honest with her and straight. However, the rest of it...I have to agree with the above posters. "Using" each other just doesn't seem like it could end well. Maybe she does still care about you, but not enough to try for a real relationship. Don't be just an option for her, you deserve better. B
Author just_a_guy__99 Posted August 14, 2011 Author Posted August 14, 2011 So was that letter complete BS then? Why would she write something like that if all she wanted was a fwb? All she had to do was say that and I would have been fine with that too. Was that note just a way to get me back in bed? Im confused here.
Pierre Posted August 14, 2011 Posted August 14, 2011 So was that letter complete BS then? Why would she write something like that if all she wanted was a fwb? All she had to do was say that and I would have been fine with that too. Was that note just a way to get me back in bed? Im confused here. She loves the sexual aspect of the relationship. I think there is something about the non sexual component she does not like. Maybe you should ask her.
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