torn_curtain Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 The fact that you even have to ask this question makes me wonder of you should be dating at all. Your safety should come first. You seem to have some boundary issues. Ditto......
sm1tten Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 It's not necessarily a red flag that he's invited you to his place for the first date. You're concerned about it, so now you say, "How about x instead?" If he insists, then he's probably a creeper. (Although honestly, you can never be sure.)
Ruby Slippers Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I recently had a first date with a guy who gave me his first, middle, last name, DOB, home and work address, and company taxpayer ID, and told me to feel free to "screen him for craziness" prior to our first date. Then again, he knows what sort of info I have access to, and (incorrectly) assumed I'd do a full background check before even going out with him. Wow! So, was he crazy? Yeah, the first time I went on a date with a guy who was OBVIOUSLY looking for FWB -- or sex right away -- he handed me his driver license for inspection. I was thinking, "WTF is this? 'Do your background check then do me'?"
Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Wow! So, was he crazy? Oh no, not at all. I think I gave off the, "I don't trust you" vibe (didn't feel that way, but he got the sense I was reeeeeeally cautious), and I think he offered up all info as a way to put me at ease. Sorta like, "I'm assuming you're gonna do a full check on me, so I'll just make it easier for you to complete by giving you everything you need to vet my background." I have access to pretty much more information about him and anyone else than a very high paid private investigator who has access to things he/she shouldn't does, and he knows that. I think he was just trying to move the process along... Haha!
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 http://www.couchsurfing.org/ Look, a whole site full of people with no life skills. I mean, letting a stranger you met over the internet sleep at your place, what are they thinking? They could get robbed or even killed in their sleep! Same goes for those willing to sleep at a strangers place. All 3 million of them should be locked up in a mental health facility. Couch surfers don't have much in common with vulnerable people who are "looking for love" and who don't know whether they "should" have their first meeting with a potential suitor in that suitor's house. Especially if they're feeling pressured about it. Or, have already been raped in an identical situation.
phineas Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 The fact that you even have to ask this question makes me wonder of you should be dating at all. Your safety should come first. You seem to have some boundary issues. Or he's like "totally HOT" and she wants someone to tell her it's ok to goto his house because she's afraid if she says no he'll next her.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 If it were me, I'd decline further correspondence with a man who suggested I come to his place on the first date or vice versa. At worst, it is very dangerous. At best, he is low class. If he is worried about paying, he can suggest you go dutch. Or just go for coffee and make it inexpensive for everyone. Anyway, men like him are not worth my time. No offense, I think you can do better.
Jynxx Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Couch surfers don't have much in common with vulnerable people who are "looking for love" and who don't know whether they "should" have their first meeting with a potential suitor in that suitor's house. Especially if they're feeling pressured about it. That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Do you think a rapist cares whether his victim is looking for love or looking for a place to sleep? Then why would there be a difference in risk and sanity for taking the risk to go crash at a strangers place and to go have dinner at a strangers place? If one is safe with a tiny risk, then the other is aswell.
fharz Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Don't just meet him anywhere which is not public because he might do something bad for u. Don't just easily trust someone who you've met only from internet. because internet is full of games.. You can never trust someone out there because maybe he just only having with you... Be careful... If he wants to meet you then why not in the public place like mall..
radiodarcy Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 to echo what everyone else said: don't do it. i had a guy suggest the same thing to me and i declined. it's just not a safe situation to get into.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Do you think a rapist cares whether his victim is looking for love or looking for a place to sleep? Then why would there be a difference in risk and sanity for taking the risk to go crash at a strangers place and to go have dinner at a strangers place? If one is safe with a tiny risk, then the other is aswell. My point is that a person who is open and game for the couch surfing experience (like my daughter is) is probably in a very different state of mind than a lonely, vulnerable online dater who is responding to PRESSURE from someone they've encountered in their dating efforts. Concerns about rapists aside, unless you've established a super great connection with a person over the phone or online, it would be pretty stupid to commit to spending time with them in your home or theirs before even meeting them just for social reasons, whether you're open to having sex right off the bat or not. What if you don't like them? It's much better to plan first meetings that allow for a smooth and easy exit for either party. For the record, when I was online dating, I did have a first meeting with a man at my house. For many reasons, I felt perfectly comfortable about it and it was the best option at that time. And no, I did not plan to, or actually, have sex with him. I "owned" my decision and was confident with it. If I would have been conflicted enough about it to come on LS and ask, "should I meet this guy at my house?" the answer would have been NO.
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