ghyle Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I met a guy online and he seems pretty cool. He wants to cook me dinner and said it could be at his place or mine (keep in mind I have not met him yet). I don't have my own place so it would be at his place but he said he would be down to get coffee before hand. At first I thought we would have a coffee date and some other day a dinner date. But no, he wants to get coffee "get to know each other a bit" and then head to his ace where he will cook dinner. So this sounds to me like someone is looking for some "sexy time". I am actually not too worried about the possible sexy time, just skeptical that he might not be a good person or something. I don't know, what do you guys think?
ScienceGal Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 DO NOT GO ANYWHERE THAT IS NOT A PUBLIC PLACE! Seriously, I don't care if he seems like a good person or not... you should have many dates in a public place before ever going to his place or showing him where you live. Be smart! If he really is a good guy, then you will see that in time. Don't let him pressure you into being alone too quickly.
carhill Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I would decline entirely, but that's my style. I would also decline a similar approach from a woman. It doesn't match up with my relationship and dating style. If you're asking the question, you have reservations. Smart of you. Your personal safety depends on it.
D-Lish Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Don't go to someone's place before you get to know them... It's a really dumb idea.
Casablanca Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Yeah, don't do it...public date for first time only
refurb Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Dinner at his place, for the first date? Sound sketchy to me. Tell him you'd rather save it for a later date and do something in a public place. RF
Jynxx Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I don't see what the big deal is. I've invited many girls to my place right after getting their phone number. If I know my roommate is gonna have a girl over to cook on a certain day and I meet a girl who tells me she likes cooking, what's wrong with inviting her? If I'm throwing a house party, why wouldn't I invite a girl I like and just met? Just don't be a retard, let someone know where you are and if things get fishy get out of there. But no reason to be paranoid.
Cypress25 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 You have every reason to be worried. Do NOT go to his house, that's how women get raped. He's a stranger. Remember what you learned in kindergarten? Don't get in a stranger's car and don't walk into a stranger's house. When you meet a guy online, always meet in a public place for the first few dates. I've met several guys from online dating sites, and none of them ever suggested going to his place for the first or second date. I wouldn't have met them at all if they had suggested that. This guy sounds like a predator, please be careful.
sugarmomma Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 The fact that you even have to ask this question makes me wonder of you should be dating at all. Your safety should come first. You seem to have some boundary issues.
Hot Chick Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 Hmm, Cypress makes a good point. One-night stands happen all the time from bars.... I think the guy could possibly be looking for sex right away and/or may be too cheap to buy you dinner. Coffee and cooking you dinner make for a very cheap date. You're worth more than a guy looking to save money on dates.
henderson14 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I'm a guy and that sounds sketchy. I think he wants to try to get laid. Why else would he invite you to his place? A lot of guys use internet dating just for sex because they have nothing to lose. I mean why does he have to cook dinner for you. You could do anything else, including go out to eat.
carhill Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I don't see what the big deal is. I've invited many girls to my place right after getting their phone number. If I know my roommate is gonna have a girl over to cook on a certain day and I meet a girl who tells me she likes cooking, what's wrong with inviting her? If I'm throwing a house party, why wouldn't I invite a girl I like and just met? Just don't be a retard, let someone know where you are and if things get fishy get out of there. But no reason to be paranoid. At this point, the OP has yet to indicate that they've met in person or talked on the phone. She mentioned 'online'. I recall, in the days before cell phones, having obviously scared young women knock on my door late at night (a couple at 3 or 4am) due to being 'dumped' by dates, or escaping, when they'd get driven out into the country to 'make out'. This usually happened three to four times per year, more often during school session. Some I'd make calls for, some I'd take back to town. The OP stated she's not worried so much about 'sexy time', rather about the person being a 'good person'. Without knowing him, and she's yet to even look at him in person, there's really no way to determine whether he's good or not. I'd err on the side of caution, if she were my daughter and was asking me. I wouldn't want her to be one of those knocking on my door at midnight or later, or worse. YMMV>
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I met a guy online and he seems pretty cool. He wants to cook me dinner and said it could be at his place or mine (keep in mind I have not met him yet). I don't have my own place so it would be at his place but he said he would be down to get coffee before hand. At first I thought we would have a coffee date and some other day a dinner date. But no, he wants to get coffee "get to know each other a bit" and then head to his ace where he will cook dinner. So this sounds to me like someone is looking for some "sexy time". I am actually not too worried about the possible sexy time, just skeptical that he might not be a good person or something. I don't know, what do you guys think? Of course this is NOT something you should plan. You are the woman (??), so you have the power. Simply demand that the date remain on your terms, and your terms, for the first and second dates are IN PUBLIC at all times, until you feel one another out. There is plenty of time for feeling one another UP after that.
LexiB Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 The fact that you even have to ask this question makes me wonder if you should be dating at all. Your safety should come first. You seem to have some boundary issues. Bingo. OP, what about this scenario seems ok that you'd even consider going along with it?
nice-easy-day Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 What is interesting to me is that he even suggested it. I would never ask a girl to my place on a first date. Two reasons. 1-she might think I'm a creep and just looking for sex and refuse a second date 2-I'd feel as if I was insulting her judgement and intelligence. Every girl knows not to go into a strangers house.
so gutted Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 What is interesting to me is that he even suggested it. I would never ask a girl to my place on a first date. Two reasons. 1-she might think I'm a creep and just looking for sex and refuse a second date 2-I'd feel as if I was insulting her judgement and intelligence. Every girl knows not to go into a strangers house. I am facing a similar situation. Met a guy online and after one date he wanted a weekend away. I refused. A week later he wants to meet for dinner at his place. He refused to meet in public. He travels a lot and wants to stay at home. It does not feel right. I want to be romanced but not like this. Even I Am learning.
Mme. Chaucer Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I agree that you grown up people who need to post questions such as these on a public message board need some SERIOUS life skills assistance before you EVER even date. Unless you're trolls, in which case, you should think of more creative bait. I mean, really.
CatNtheHat Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I met a guy online and he seems pretty cool. He wants to cook me dinner and said it could be at his place or mine (keep in mind I have not met him yet). I don't have my own place so it would be at his place but he said he would be down to get coffee before hand. At first I thought we would have a coffee date and some other day a dinner date. But no, he wants to get coffee "get to know each other a bit" and then head to his ace where he will cook dinner. So this sounds to me like someone is looking for some "sexy time". I am actually not too worried about the possible sexy time, just skeptical that he might not be a good person or something. I don't know, what do you guys think? Please decline dinner at his place. You don't know this man. I repeat-YOU DON'T KNOW THIS MAN.
Jynxx Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I agree that you grown up people who need to post questions such as these on a public message board need some SERIOUS life skills assistance before you EVER even date. http://www.couchsurfing.org/ Look, a whole site full of people with no life skills. I mean, letting a stranger you met over the internet sleep at your place, what are they thinking? They could get robbed or even killed in their sleep! Same goes for those willing to sleep at a strangers place. All 3 million of them should be locked up in a mental health facility.
FitChick Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I've noticed a lot of men these days say they love to cook. You're that much closer to their bedroom. I don't let a man cook for me unless I am ready to sleep with him, because ultimately that is what he's after. Cooking and going away for the weekend are the common ploys.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 It's a very bad idea to go to the home of a man you've never met, before you've done at least an initial screening for the crazy. Don't do it!
Star Gazer Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 It's a very bad idea to go to the home of a man you've never met, before you've done at least an initial screening for the crazy. Don't do it! That made me laugh. I recently had a first date with a guy who gave me his first, middle, last name, DOB, home and work address, and company taxpayer ID, and told me to feel free to "screen him for craziness" prior to our first date. Then again, he knows what sort of info I have access to, and (incorrectly) assumed I'd do a full background check before even going out with him. But at the end of the day, I'm pretty hesitant to get in a guy's car or go to his house unless I'm confident he's not a killer or rapist.
carhill Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I do love to cook and have done so for many dates, GF's and my exW. A woman doesn't get to enjoy the pleasure of how I present a meal until we're well into the dating process. To me, a good meal and sharing its preparation with a woman is foreplay, hence my advice to the OP who, wonder of wonders, has never returned. Welcome to LS anyway....
alexlakeman Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 OP, what age range are we talking about...?? As everyone said , NO, forget it, he obviously has other plans, but he could be a little smoother, ie picking a bar close to your place or his, investing $20-$40 in drinks and then try to close the deal ...
njruns75 Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 agreed.. definitely do not go to his place! I would not even have him pick you up on the first meeting. You just never know! I also think some want to have a meeting at their place to get some sexy time , as you said!
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