carrie999 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Ahhh...fastforwarding and future faking. That site Baggage Reclaim has articles on this phenomena and it's rather interesting. I have had that experience with the last bf, who was not a MM....that relationship ended up being a mess, he was a mess. I now know that people who fast forward relationships have issues and it is a hallmark of a dubious relationship. I like this excerpt: Ah, the purveyor of infomercial-style posts strikes again. I was wondering where the cute little buzzwords like "fast forwarding" and "future faking" were coming from. I hope you're making money by constantly posting these thing, MissBee. It would be unfortunate if you were just hocking someone else's thoughts for free, without posting any original ones of your own.
MissBee Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Wow MissBee........all this time I didn't realize you were plugging your site. LOL Actually MIssBee is quite vocal about her thoughts and viewpoints. I think she is an asset to LS and a treasure to share with us. Thanks BB. I'll let my posts and posting history speak for itself.
Gentlegirl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Wow MissBee........all this time I didn't realize you were plugging your site. LOL Actually MIssBee is quite vocal about her thoughts and viewpoints. I think she is an asset to LS and a treasure to share with us. I'll drink to thatBB! Gentlegirl
MissBee Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) Ah, the purveyor of infomercial-style posts strikes again. I was wondering where the cute little buzzwords like "fast forwarding" and "future faking" were coming from. I hope you're making money by constantly posting these thing, MissBee. It would be unfortunate if you were just hocking someone else's thoughts for free, without posting any original ones of your own. That's a brilliant idea...I should probably consider that. Anyway, what is your real issue with the posts, save for the cute buzzwords? You have a problem with people coining "cute terms" to characterize patterns of behavior? Is that it? Or is it something else? Would it have suited you better, were they in academic journal format? My guess is, it wouldn't matter. The writer has a blog and chooses to write in that style and it resonates with many. A lot of her posts resonate with me and some already sum up my own thoughts about a matter, but are already nicely packaged, so I post it here. Just like if another poster in a thread has nicely said something that expresses my own sentiments, I will often quote them or bold aspects of their thoughts I like, I have also posted notes I've taken from books I've read, excerpts from other sources etc and I always cite. As for me expressing my own thoughts....cute shot. But I think that speaks for itself and anyone here often or anyone doing a search of my posts will see that for themselves. I know there are posters who find any characterization of As as well as other behaviors, that delineate a pattern, not to be relevant to their experience and there are people who no matter what will remind us all that all As aren't the same, people are different and similar sentiments. That's fine....but if someone reading a charaterization can readily identify the exact behaviors in THEIR situation, THEIR partner or themselves, then why deny them that unless you feel it threatens YOUR reality? I don't get it...if you feel it is absolute rubbish and doesn't resonate with you, but others find it useful, what is that to you? How is it upsetting to you? It seems a bit irrational to be so upset about that.... No one is forcing anything on you carrie, no one is trying to brainwash you or anyone else into believing things that aren't true through "cute buzz words". Anyone with half a brain can read an article, whether cute and in the casual language of a blog or serious and academic and immediately feel like it matches THEIR situation or that it doesn't. No one can post something on LS and make me feel like it's my situation if it isn't and if it isn't then I just don't see why I would be upset about it being posted, unless of course somehow it hit a nerve for me.....sooo again....what is your real problem with the posts? At least discussing the particular points and issues in the article to which you take exception would be a substantial argument than simply being upset that it is "infomercial style" or that it involves "cute buzzwords", as that in itself doesn't seem anything to be upset about... otherwise your complaint seems petty and a form of deflection from the REAL point of the article. Edited August 10, 2011 by MissBee
MissBee Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 I'll have what you are having. MissBee you should feel flattered you've now become someone famous. LOL! Well what do you know...dreams do come true afterall!
Silly_Girl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Did anyonbody else expereience the "identical twin" syndrome? Is that an actual syndrome?? I don't see that the term is necessarily a negative one, unless you are aware at the time that it is something contrived and machiavellian. If you are not aware, is there not a chance it's actual genuine? I've a 'work twin' (whom I value greatly, she's the best employee/work friend I ever had), a best friend I refer to as my 'evil twin' because we so often call situations the same and have a dark sense of humour, and my boyfriend (exMM) is definitely my relationship twin. We're practically living together now and we are still discovering that whilst we have fundamental personality differences, they are somewhat superficial and we are extremely alike, more so than we initially realised.
MissBee Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) From our first meeting he pursued me relentlessly. I was bombarded with texts, phone calls and emails as well as cards in the mail. He also claimed to identify with me. This entailed liking everythin g I like, going everywhere I went ......having the same life goals. He claimed that we were close and exactly the same. With some time and space between him and me, he appears to have been a chameleon. But that shouldn't surprise me should it? Con men are accomplished actors and have to be to achieve their purpose. Did anyonbody else expereience the "identical twin" syndrome? Cheers, Gentlegirl Never experienced it romantically but have experienced it platonically with another woman. I knew her casually and we found out that we had the same birthday.....that's when things went downhill, as she used this shared fact, to make our relationship seem more than what it actually was. She wouldc onstantly refer to me as her twin, she would ask me about items I owned (clothes, shoes, purse, electronics etc) then mysteriously she would have the exact phone, shoes, purse, etc and then would announce to everyone that we had such similar tastes! Once I realized this, I stopped telling her where I got things from and began to distance myself. In a group setting, everything I said, she agreed to it, even if just before she had said something different! This girl tried to mimic me in every way, it was not flattering, but annoying and creepy! My bestfriend's ex girlfriend is a chameleon and she assumes the identity of the person she is dating, constantly changes "bestfriends" and with that change so too does her style of dressing, speaking, activities etc change to match theirs. I think that some people with identity and self esteem issues engage in this behavior. I forgot what I was reading, but I recall it saying that in some manipulative relationships people will almost study this other person and then construct an identity that seems so compatible with that other person's, in an effort to make the person believe they have found their "perfect match". I think many times people play up or down certain qualities when they are interested in someone, but people who are manipulative do this to a greater degree and people with identity issues almost totally lose themselves to mimic another. Edited August 10, 2011 by MissBee
Gentlegirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Never experienced it romantically but have experienced it platonically with another woman. I knew her casually and we found out that we had the same birthday.....that's when things went downhill, as she used this shared fact, to make our relationship seem more than what it actually was. She wouldc onstantly refer to me as her twin, she would ask me about items I owned (clothes, shoes, purse, electronics etc) then mysteriously she would have the exact phone, shoes, purse, etc and then would announce to everyone that we had such similar tastes! Once I realized this, I stopped telling her where I got things from and began to distance myself. In a group setting, everything I said, she agreed to it, even if just before she had said something different! This girl tried to mimic me in every way, it was not flattering, but annoying and creepy! My bestfriend's ex girlfriend is a chameleon and she assumes the identity of the person she is dating, constantly changes "bestfriends" and with that change so too does her style of dressing, speaking, activities etc change to match theirs. I think that some people with identity and self esteem issues engage in this behavior. I forgot what I was reading, but I recall it saying that in some manipulative relationships people will almost study this other person and then construct an identity that seems so compatible with that other person's, in an effort to make the person believe they have found their "perfect match". I think many times people play up or down certain qualities when they are interested in someone, but people who are manipulative do this to a greater degree and people with identity issues almost totally lose themselves to mimic another. Thanks..... In hindsight, it appeared that he did mimic me in many ways. Our life styles were quite different. Who knows.. I will never know what was in his head. He certainly made a point of liking and doing everything I did. God life can be weird! Gentlegirl ps Not you and me though. lol.
Gentlegirl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Is that an actual syndrome?? I don't see that the term is necessarily a negative one, unless you are aware at the time that it is something contrived and machiavellian. If you are not aware, is there not a chance it's actual genuine? It's not an actual syndrome... it's the closest I could come to describing what xMM did. I don't know whether it was negative, positive, genuine or machiavellian. Was just curious . We had very different lives and experiences. Long story, best buried. Gentlegirl
eleanor01 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Interesting thread, this. I guess my situation is not typical--my MM hasn't done any of those things. I've never had an affair before, so I guess I didn't really appreciate how balanced my guy is until I read this. My ex-boyfriend was fast and furious--and an alcoholic and probably had Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Therefore, it makes sense that he was fast and furious and didn't recognize that I had boundaries (guess I didn't with him, or I wouldn't have stayed with him for so long. DOH!). From what y'all have said, it sounds like this whole fast and furious and/or identical twin thing is really something to consider and watch out for. Thanks, Ellie
fuewmetuatalk Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Where Can I Download Alice in Wonderland Movie Download New I Am Number Four Film Watch The The Green Hornet Film part the Fair Game download How to Train Your Dragon music Buy Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole Moivie High Quality Watch Full Version Dinner for Schmucks online Megamind Movie Posters Download Futurama - Season Six Movie Ipod
Author NoIDidn't Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Ah, the purveyor of infomercial-style posts strikes again. I was wondering where the cute little buzzwords like "fast forwarding" and "future faking" were coming from. I hope you're making money by constantly posting these thing, MissBee. It would be unfortunate if you were just hocking someone else's thoughts for free, without posting any original ones of your own. Wow, the quotes must really be hitting home for such a defensive stance against them. The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
Silly_Girl Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Wow, the quotes must really be hitting home for such a defensive stance against them. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. I know this post isn't to me, but I stumbled across baggage reclaim a couple of years ago, added it to my twitter and FB feeds along with various other things (not necessarily relationship-related) and actually it began to bug me because of the buzz-words, because of it attempting to tap in to the whole 5-minute psychology thing - everyone's a psychiatrist these days. It just all felt a bit condescending and 'you go girlfriend!' and Oprah. So I removed it all. I have no issue with the aim of those sites and I understand they can hold great value, but it gets right on my nerves. So I can empathise with Carrie.
MissBee Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) OH come on SG, Carrie just took a shot at MissBee.....I doubt it actually has much to do with BaggageReclaim since she said that MissBee didn't have anything original to say WHICH was quite hilarious since MissBee has PLENTY to say. I'm a free member of MissBee's fan club! I love you BB! Lol...but yea....I'm not stupid. Like I said, I have no issues with someone not liking that site, the way the advise is posited etc., if that were the case, then you'd cite specifics about that article that you don't like and why, not come at me and whether or not I have any opinions of my own and so forth You'd attack the argument being made and not the person. Most of us have the good sense to know what rings true and what makes sense and what doesn't, even if one doesn't like the delivery. I'd like to think that I am good at deciphering what is utter bullshyt and the advice given isn't...I may have one or two things I would say differently or expand upon but more or less the CORE of it makes sense. Hence, my comment that making a stink about buzzwords is probably some form of deflection, as no one can be that upset about that or totally sideswipe any usefulness and pick out 2 words to render the article useless I post it freely and if it is useful to anyone, and that sort of post is up their ally and sets off fireworks in their brain, then great for them! If not, then that's fine too, I certainly don't take it personal, but those who get exceptionally upset and then take a shot at me lol...they have other problems that I'm afraid have nothing to do with buzzwords. Edited August 12, 2011 by MissBee
Silly_Girl Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 OH come on SG, Carrie just took a shot at MissBee.....I doubt it actually has much to do with BaggageReclaim since she said that MissBee didn't have anything original to say WHICH was quite hilarious since MissBee has PLENTY to say. I'm a free member of MissBee's fan club! I simply responded to what I saw, and took the opportunity to whinge about something that bugs me!
Author NoIDidn't Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I know this post isn't to me, but I stumbled across baggage reclaim a couple of years ago, added it to my twitter and FB feeds along with various other things (not necessarily relationship-related) and actually it began to bug me because of the buzz-words, because of it attempting to tap in to the whole 5-minute psychology thing - everyone's a psychiatrist these days. It just all felt a bit condescending and 'you go girlfriend!' and Oprah. So I removed it all. I have no issue with the aim of those sites and I understand they can hold great value, but it gets right on my nerves. So I can empathise with Carrie. I came across the site years ago too. I always thought that people actively living in ways that the site advised against would feel it was condescending and preachy. IOW, not what they wanted to hear. But I've never seen someone take a perfectly good site and use it to insult someone as was done here.
Silly_Girl Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I came across the site years ago too. I always thought that people actively living in ways that the site advised against would feel it was condescending and preachy. IOW, not what they wanted to hear. I don't know about people who actively living against it... You could well be right. For me, I was seeking to enforce boundaries with my ex and understand some of his tactics and motivations. I found some academic blogs REALLY helpful, and spoke to a counsellor who I knew who could shed some light too. That site just felt like it was plastering twee little slogans directed at the vulnerable, almost like a moral you'd read on the back of a cereal box. Nothing wrong with the message. I disliked the packaging and delivery.
MissBee Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) I don't know about people who actively living against it... You could well be right. For me, I was seeking to enforce boundaries with my ex and understand some of his tactics and motivations. I found some academic blogs REALLY helpful, and spoke to a counsellor who I knew who could shed some light too. That site just felt like it was plastering twee little slogans directed at the vulnerable, almost like a moral you'd read on the back of a cereal box. Nothing wrong with the message. I disliked the packaging and delivery. I'm not sure what this means.... Do you feel like it "preys" on the vulnerable and offers them advise that makes them worst off? Anyway, I do respect your preference, although the fact that you did share it on FB and Twitter meant you did fancy it at one point. I am as academic as they come when need be, but found the articles personable and frank with a good bit of humor thrown in and I could relate. I have seen my fair share of fluff and nonsense or superficial slogans that are meaningless and that site doesn't have them. I don't think the "cute buzzwords" subtract from the meaning and I am not easily impressed by fluff and no substance, so would have immediately realized if it was ornate BS, like some posts I read on LS: as eloquent and verbose as they are, it's still BS. I do understand particular writing styles appealing to certain people more than others. I see no way in which this woman is benefiting from the vulnerability of people. I have seen other sites offering people ebooks on how to win their exes back for a low fee...now that I consider preying on people's vulnerabilities. A woman offering free advice, free ebooks, and a free forum for women to share, I don't see how that can be anything but helpful. But as I've said to you before when you commented about some newbies never returning to LS and you seemed concerned about them not finding a place here; not everything is for everyone and who it is meant for will find it useful or stick around (like on LS) and others will move on to things they find more useful (like you moved on to academic articles). You don't seem to fancy Oprah, and I quite like and respect her sooo that's just a preference I guess and I suppose she's a billionaire, because many others like her and what she does. So in the end it goes back to taking what works for you and leaving the rest . Not everything will be for everyone but to be angered over it speaks to issues that surpass what is being complained about. Edited August 12, 2011 by MissBee
Silly_Girl Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Exactly. It just wasn't my thing. It grew old quick. Nothing wrong with that.
Author NoIDidn't Posted August 13, 2011 Author Posted August 13, 2011 I don't know about people who actively living against it... You could well be right. For me, I was seeking to enforce boundaries with my ex and understand some of his tactics and motivations. I found some academic blogs REALLY helpful, and spoke to a counsellor who I knew who could shed some light too. That site just felt like it was plastering twee little slogans directed at the vulnerable, almost like a moral you'd read on the back of a cereal box. Nothing wrong with the message. I disliked the packaging and delivery. Understood. I can relate to feeling bombarded by the message in the delivery on some sites as well.
Kitsune77 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 This is an interesting concept. My MM pursued me from after the first night we slept together, which I was a bit suprised by, as I thought it would be a ONS. Another reason that his pursuit suprised me is that he was initially very hesitant to sleep with me, and I also had the feeling he had never been intimate with anyone other than his wife( which has scince been confirmed) So in one way he moved fast, emails every day, when can I see you? sharing his thoughts on life, feelings, music ,ect. I think the friendship developed faster than the affair, we acknowledged that we loved each other about 6 months after it began. In regard to promising a future, or talking about it, no, we both know there is no future, except he did mention once he wished he had met me 20 years ago. Reading what other other OW have gone through with MM promising future things, it makes me realize how difficult it must be if it doesn't come true. I had a boyfriend years ago who was a fast forwarder, he ended becoming a stalker.
carrie999 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Wow, the quotes must really be hitting home for such a defensive stance against them. The lady doth protest too much, methinks. Cute. And nope
carrie999 Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Anyway, what is your real issue with the posts, save for the cute buzzwords? You have a problem with people coining "cute terms" to characterize patterns of behavior? Is that it? Or is it something else? Sorry to be so direct and rude, MissBee. I was actually reacting specifically to the cute buzzwords. I don't disagree with whatever point you were making, but I was explaining that whatever you had to say was lost on me as soon as it read like an infomercial for the latest, greatest fat-burning pill or whatever. It didn't upset me in the least, and I wasn't opposed to what you were saying, but how you were saying it; it sounded like a sales pitch. Had you posted in complete agreement with me about anything, I would have still rejected the buzzwords and silly bolding and underlining. Ever see Dr. Mercola's articles? They actually have some sound scientific backing and ideas with which I agree completely, but it's impossible for me to read them and take them seriously because they come across more as a sales pitch based on crap research combined with a poor ulterior motive. I didn't mean to offend you, but I was being direct. I'd sympathize much more if you just spoke from your heart without adding what may be real psychology, but came across more like psycho-babble.
woinlove Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 Sorry to be so direct and rude, MissBee. I was actually reacting specifically to the cute buzzwords. I don't disagree with whatever point you were making, but I was explaining that whatever you had to say was lost on me as soon as it read like an infomercial for the latest, greatest fat-burning pill or whatever. It didn't upset me in the least, and I wasn't opposed to what you were saying, but how you were saying it; it sounded like a sales pitch. Had you posted in complete agreement with me about anything, I would have still rejected the buzzwords and silly bolding and underlining. Ever see Dr. Mercola's articles? They actually have some sound scientific backing and ideas with which I agree completely, but it's impossible for me to read them and take them seriously because they come across more as a sales pitch based on crap research combined with a poor ulterior motive. I didn't mean to offend you, but I was being direct. I'd sympathize much more if you just spoke from your heart without adding what may be real psychology, but came across more like psycho-babble. Is something up? I don't get it. I wouldn't want to see you actually trying to put someone down rather than just "being direct", as you say. You post basically just to say MissBee is always hocking other people ideas, maybe getting paid for it, suggesting she doesn't have any ideas of her own? That's not a putdown on MissBee? And have you even read many of MissBee's posts? And what's to sympathize with? The thread topic is fast and furious. From your first posts here, I would have thought you maybe could contribute on topic to this thread if you wished. Is that what is behind this or is it something else?
MissBee Posted August 18, 2011 Posted August 18, 2011 (edited) Is something up? I don't get it. I wouldn't want to see you actually trying to put someone down rather than just "being direct", as you say. You post basically just to say MissBee is always hocking other people ideas, maybe getting paid for it, suggesting she doesn't have any ideas of her own? That's not a putdown on MissBee? And have you even read many of MissBee's posts? And what's to sympathize with? The thread topic is fast and furious. From your first posts here, I would have thought you maybe could contribute on topic to this thread if you wished. Is that what is behind this or is it something else? Cosign... Carrie, I forgot about this exchange but saw the topic come up again and must say I concur with woinlove. There is nothing to sympathize with, as I wasn't telling my story . I read NID's post and it immediately reminded me of that article, which I felt did a good job of delineating that type of fast and furious behavior, in a format already neatly spelled out. Your initial response speaks for itself, and unless I and others are completely stupid, and I know I for one am not, then you indeed were being more insulting versus commenting in a matter-of-fact manner about an article style that you didn't find useful. If your latter post was your first, then that would have read completely differently, but your first post read exactly as was intended. My posting history also speaks for itself yet you've insisted, for the second time, that I somehow have no personal/heartfelt contributions to LS besides infomercial posts lol! In all of my near 800 posts...if that's all you've seen (when I, other members and the board log, can count how many posts I have that have cited that style of article versus my own heartfelt and intellectual contributions) then that overestimation is a problem on your part, I'm afraid, and not the actual facts. I'm not sure if you had any personal contributions to the topic, but I would hope that if you did, the article didn't perturb you so much as to not be able to post your own experience in that regard. Anyway, I resign from derailing this topic further Edited August 18, 2011 by MissBee
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