Can't ever think of any date ideas...

[robertdawson]

Almost all of my "friends" aren't really friends in the true sense. Everyone with the exception of a couple people are just people that I get along with when I'm already doing something. If I'm somewhere, like the gym for example, I can talk and joke around with people I know, but it isn't like I ever go hang out with those people outside of that. The only activities I really participate in are video games, weight lifting, watching movies, doing things on the computer and playing rec softball. The rest of the time I'm just doing stuff like eating, work for university courses and pissing time away on the internet. So, pretty much all the activities I do can be done without much social interaction at all.

 

In fact, there have been times when I've even gone out of town to hang out with people I used to know and once I got there we both ended up getting bored/tired of each other because we couldn't think of anything to do. We went to eat a few times and went to a movie, but it was mainly a huge waste of a trip.

 

Skip the story if you feel like it, it is just an example of what I'm talking about.

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Story time: The last time I hung out with a girl was a big awkward mess. I worked with her for a few weeks, we were interested in each other, etc. We went to a movie, that was fine because that was something I do. I could make short comments about things in the movie, sarcastic remarks, etc. Next time, I couldn't think of anything to do so I invited her to the only thing I was doing that day for sure: church (I was religious at the time and she was not, although I don't think she was hostile towards it, but still how frigging lame!).

 

After that I drove around town looking for a place that was open to eat at. After we didn't find one, we just went to a coffee shop. I don't drink coffee and the strong smell of it was actually making me feel sort of sick. Plus, they didn't have anything decent to eat. So we sat there making [boring] small talk flipping through magazines. After a bit of this I said that the smell was really bothering me and said we should go up the road to my house "to play Nintendo or something" (I couldn't think of anything else, yes I am serious). Even after all of this awkward crap she still went and played with me a little while and acted OK. We eventually just ended up watching videos on youtube or something. Then she went to work and later on I asked her if she wanted to hang out again and she didn't answer me (text message).

 

I kid you not, when I was with this girl at work I was on. I could make funny remarks about things that happened there, help her do something every now and then, go back to what I was doing and everything was fine. This was the person she was interested in in the first place, not the stumbling doofus from my little tale.

 

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So, when there actually is a woman I like, I can't think of anything to ask her to do with me. Roughly 50%+ of the time there isn't anything good on at the movies (and if there is there is a 80% chance it is something most women wouldn't be thrilled with seeing). You can't really ask a woman to watch a movie at your house right off the bat either. You also can't ask a woman to play come play video games with you. You might ask a woman to exercise with you or try her hand at softball, but there probably won't be any conversation going on because I'd be serious and focused on doing those activities.

 

Yeah, I could ask her to go eat with me, but then what? We would just sit there and try to make small talk the whole time [not very exciting]. I have the feeling that no woman I'm interested in is just going to want to sit around and watch me do the **** I do; she is probably going to want to have some actual fun herself. Why else would she be hanging out with me?

[robertdawson]

No thoughts?

[robertdawson]

Seriously, somebody's gotta help me out. Even when women are interested in me I blow it by not being able to think of anything fun to do.

[Dust]

Dude here’s a thought, next time you bring a girl back to your place to play “video games” you might want to make a move show her you actually have balls. You know play with her a little.

 

It sounds like you had two dates and didn’t so much as hold her hand. Lame!

 

Don’t act all clueless you know what you wanted to do.

[TuffCookieX]

No place open to eat after church, is that a blue law around you or do you live in a cave?

 

I would LOVE a date with a guy playing video games, I'm not very good and I never play on my own but it's a good way to get to know someone and be really playful and show a competitive side. And watching youtube videos can be fun too. I don't know, maybe you guys didn't have the chemistry, I can get along great and have a good time with someone if we really click even if we're not doing ANYTHING. Just good company is sometimes all I need.

 

If you come across a boring girl again, maybe take her out for drinks or go somewhere with better entertainment. Top ten dating ideas according to POF:

1. Coffee shop

2. Restaurant

3. Taking a romantic walk

4. Park

5. Live music

6. Comedy Club

7. Zoo

8. Bowling or Playing Pool

9. Amusement Park

10. Movies

[Mr. Slim]

Dinner is always fine... but you can't be driving around town looking for a place to eat. You need to have it planned out. Put a little work in for crying out loud. Research a place she's never been before. No chains. If she lives thirty minutes away from you, then look in an area thirty minutes away from you in the other direction.

 

Afterwards, maybe have it planned out where you have to walk a few blocks to an ice cream parlor, or a soda shoppe. Something interactive. Or to a bar if she drinks. Use your imagination... if you are in an area she hasn't been before, you can talk about the area. You are the guide. And yes, you are going to have to fall back on your personality some and make "small talk". If you can't do that, then you are going down in flames anyway. Bottom line, just plan *something*. They will appreciate the effort, trust me.

[Challenger]

Dude! I have to agree with dust here. She didn't come back to your house to play video games bro. you should have made a move. You already knew she was interested in you. You are physically attracted to her right?

 

Try not to worry to much about what your doing and instead focus your attention on her. If you act on your feelings toward her ( eye contact, hand holding) then it won't matter what you do.

[iris219]

Anything other than church and Nintendo. That's the strangest date I've ever heard of. And she actually agreed to it. You should have married her that night.

 

Pick a place/activity where you can talk and get to know the other person. Going to the movies on a first date is not a good idea, IMO.

[robertdawson]

Challenger, dust: I guess I never really thought of it. I didn't notice anything that felt like a "come on! be physical with me" signal.

 

I assume you don't try to start anything by just walking over and grabbing her tits but what's an example of something you would do? Anyway, what do you do if you make a move and then she is like "what the hell are you doing?" (or even something not as bad)? Do you try something more subtle so a possible negative response won't be as bad? It would have been especially bad if I had mad a really aggressive move and got that kind of response since I worked with her and she surely would have told other people. Isn't there a good chance she would have responded negatively anyway? I mean she didn't want anything to do with me after that day at all.

Edited August 12, 2011 by robertdawson

[Sanman]

List of date ideas:

 

Restaurant

picnic

hiking

museum

beach or lake to walk around (something with nice scenery)

Indoor rock climbing

Carnival or fair

bowling or shooting pool

dessert or coffee shop

go kart track

movies

[robertdawson]

Sanman: the problem isn't thinking of things to do, it is thinking of things to do that are enjoyable. Take hiking, walking, museum from your example. I HATE those activities. I can't imagine trying to make those enjoyable just because someone else is there.

 

And other things like bowling or pool I wouldn't want to do initially because I'm not any good at them and wouldn't want to look bad.

[molimo140]

So.. let's see. You've thrown out pretty much all the ideas that have been given to you without even trying them.

 

Yes.. women want to have fun when they go out, but if they're out on a date, it's because they were interested in you in the first place. All you need to do is not screw up their impression of you.

 

You don't need to try to be something that you're not, and if you're not good at pool/bowling, then do it anyway and be not good with them! That's the fun of it! (it's unlikely that you're gonna find someone who is amazing at either)

 

Definitely have a plan of where to go/what to do, just so you don't seem unprepared. And.. no movies on the first date, that's probably the #1 worst first date.

 

It sounds like you need to try to break out of your own box a little bit. Most of the activities that you listed are pretty solo, and I think what will help you in the long run is doing more social things in general. I had the same problem, and doing more for myself really helped both my own life and my romantic life.

 

Hate to say it, but you probably messed up completely with this girl from your post. Don't sweat it though, there will be others. Just hang in there.

[misskat]

if you are bad at bowling and pool she may actually enjoy it more cause it gives her a chance to win and look good. and i can tell you this now if she really likes you she wont care if you arent good at it as long as the 2 of you are having fun and laughing

[robertdawson]

molimo140: yeah I know I screwed up. This was about two years ago though so it is old news (that girl from the example).

 

misskat: Yeah, I suppose you're right. I guess I sort have this complex about not being good at things. Obviously people enjoy things they are better at, but if there is some activity I am not good at I just don't have fun with it. I have some sort of obsession with being good at everything I do, like I don't want anyone to see me be not good at something. It also irritates me when I do poorly in things.

[robertdawson]

Challenger, dust, or someone: I guess I never really thought of it. I didn't notice anything that felt like a "come on! be physical with me" signal.

 

I assume you don't try to start anything by just walking over and grabbing her tits but what's an example of something you would do? Anyway, what do you do if you make a move and then she is like "what the hell are you doing?" (or even something not as bad)? Do you try something more subtle so a possible negative response won't be as bad? It would have been especially bad if I had mad a really aggressive move and got that kind of response since I worked with her and she surely would have told other people. Isn't there a good chance she would have responded negatively anyway? I mean she didn't want anything to do with me after that day at all.

[california-love]

I think you're focusing too much on the activity. What dating is really about is conversation and getting to know one another.

[robertdawson]

Assuming I can actually get a ****ing date (which I apparently cannot, 5 rejections in two-three months), I've got an even bigger problem in not really knowing what to do on a date. This is evidenced pretty clearly in the "date" I gave in my example. Also, like challenger and dust said I apparently can't make a move either. It's like I've been so used to being acquaintances or "friends" with women that I don't know how to be anything but polite with them. Or, maybe it was 5 years of being wimpified by religion that did it. There are plenty of people that are religious that seem to have no issues with being physical (at least up to a certain point), but that wasn't me.

 

Hell, that girl I talked about in my example? I wasn't even sure I was going to ask her out because I knew she wasn't a Christian. I invited her to church to try and "set the tone" if anything did happen as far as a relationship goes. One thing I forgot to mention: when she was sitting down she scooted basically right up against me on the bench and I f'in scooted a few inches away because I knew that would "tempt" me. Can you freaking believe that ****? That would have been the perfect time to at least put my arm around her.

 

I guess it is ok things didn't work out with that specific girl in the end because I was already second guessing myself about her pretty early on (certain things she did at work that annoyed me like doing certain jobs really ****tily/inefficient, I started being more open to parts of her appearance that were not as attractive, etc.), but I still think about that specific day to remember how I screwed up in general.

 

I guess none of that matters anytime soon though as I haven't been anywhere close with anyone since then (2.5 years I think).

Edited August 17, 2011 by robertdawson

[gameplace123]

I assume you don't try to start anything by just walking over and grabbing her tits but what's an example of something you would do?

 

start with a high five it's easy to do when she does something well. From there, steadily progress to: arm, hands, arm around shoulders, small of her back, knee, thigh, hair, face, kiss, ass, etc. All that comes from the inner confidence of knowing that you can pull it off - which I don't see in you. Not to be too tough on you, but you sound like a bit of a puss.

 

Take a "break" and work on yourself, become a man that women will want to be touched by. Once you are that man, the rest will be easy... trust me.

Edited August 17, 2011 by gameplace123
added a quote

[robertdawson]

gameplace123:

It's not about lack of inner "inner confidence". It's about not wanting to freak her the hell out and potentially blow any future relationship with a woman. Bascially I was asking how you move along with getting the the "uh, what are you doing?" Things like trying to french her on a first date, or trying to touch her ass/boobs/vagina on the first few dates aren't something you do because you're confident, they seem like something you do to tell a girl a) you're just interested in some ass and/or b) you think she is easy.

 

And what to you suppose I do on this "break"? A break from what, talking to and asking women out? Why the hell would I want to quit doing that?

 

By the way, I appreciate you at least trying to help, but you crossed the line. Don't ever call me a pussy.

Edited August 17, 2011 by robertdawson

[Red Arremer]

I definitely hear you on the being afraid to make a move/not knowing how to do it thing. Personally in my long and storied dating career I'm 1 for 2 in making a move myself (usually I wait for the woman to do it, you can imagine how many times that's happened...), and the one failure was of the "what the #!@? are you doing" variety you mentioned, and that hasn't exactly encouraged me to keep at it.

[gameplace123]

It's not about lack of inner "inner confidence".

 

*sigh* If you think success with women (in any fashion) has nothing do with confidence - you need more work, and are more clueless than I thought...

 

Dude... chill, I didn't call you a puss to show animus towards you, I did it to wake you up! Not saying I have 'it' down pat, but I'm sure i could give a few tips to point you in the right diection. So PM me.

[manji123]

Lol dude chill out. gameplace123 has both solid advice and is right on all counts. The inner confidence that he is referring to is the what allows you to make a move and not worry about whether you are going to freak her out. You say you are confident and you maybe up to a point but you are definitely not confident enough to make a move or read the situation.

 

Just relax and learn to read body language and look for little signs. It will all come in time and experience but you just have to get out there.

 

**gameplace beat me to it and said it a better while I writing my post. That bastard

Edited August 17, 2011 by manji123

[robertdawson]

I can't send PMs because I haven't had this account long enough.

[zengirl]

Anything other than church and Nintendo. That's the strangest date I've ever heard of. And she actually agreed to it. You should have married her that night.

 

Pick a place/activity where you can talk and get to know the other person. Going to the movies on a first date is not a good idea, IMO.

 

Seriously, yes to all of what iris said here!

 

Look in the paper for local events, and dinner is always fine too just to get to know someone; early dates shouldn't be crazy showy. A walk in the park/on the beach and some ice cream. An arcade, if you want to play some video games. Whatever things in public sound like fun to you.

[robertdawson]

Plus, all this deal with how to make the move on women isn't anything I need to know immediately. A girl has to actually agree to go on a date with me before that matters.

 

Zengirl: thanks for your suggestions. You mentioned an arcade visit. I probably came off this way, but I don't love video games so much that I can't do anything else. I just thought the Wii was something casual and fun girls liked to do and since it was a Sunday morning and nowhere was open except for churches, coffee shops and fast food places I just mentioned that.