Christian79 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I have just moved back to England having been living in Spain for 8 months where a relationship with a special girl recently ended. It has been nearly 2 months since we finished and I have met other girls in that time of varying degrees of attraction. One of them stands out particularly, who I met while on a trip to another city about 5 weeks ago. I went out with her and her friend and throughout the night inside and outside the club we kissed and there was touching etc. It was VERY enjoyable, we both admitted this and there was clearly a strong attraction. She had also fairly recently come out of a relationship, had since been with other guys and not enjoyed it but said there was definite chemistry between us (I feel the same lack of enjoyment with the other girls I have been with since my break up so I understand what she meant, finding that spark again felt great). Her and her friend had to leave early the next morning and were staying together so nothing further happened although it was clear that we both wanted more. Well, after this we tried to get in touch with each other and for various reasons missed each others' communications, but last week I received a friend request and some messages off her on facebook. I have to say I was really pleased to see them, because although I liked her I had kind of given up hope of us getting in touch. We have been speaking on Facebook chat, talking about that night, flirting and finding out more about each other, I'm enjoying it. The problem is, its almost a carbon copy of the beginning of my last relationship! (ie, met girl from different country who I like), and I am aware that my previous experience is having an effect on the way I am thinking about this situation. In the last case, it was Summer and I went back to visit the girl to allow us a chance to get to know each other better (I had spare cash and time so I figured what the hell!) I am not going to take this approach again, and I want to play it cool, but usually I am confident enough to go after the things I want in a confident way so the nonchalant approach feels unnatural. Although the last relationship failed in the end, I feel it wouldnt have had any chance of getting off the ground if I hadnt taken the course of action that I took at the beginning. This girl seems great and a far better match: Beautiful, closer to my age, similar career, more relaxed and level-headed etc etc. Clearly the distance is a bit of a problem although her country isnt that far away. I want to see what happens but could do with some advice on how to approach it. Right now I feel very reluctant to put myself out for anyone after what happened last time. My confidence has taken a battering in that respect; I want to hold back alot more than I did in the past, but I want to give it a chance at the same time. I even feel reluctant to instigate our chats on facebook as each time I want to know she is making an active decision to begin speaking to me rather than reacting to me beginning a conversation. I feel I am now treading a fine line and worried she might think I am not interested. My friends just keep telling me I should find a nice English girl blah blah blah, but the thing is I cant help the people I go for, they just always seem to be foreign! I have had problems with OCD in the past and have begun to analyse this situation and what she is thinking etc. I know this is unhealthy and is going to cause me pain. My past relationship experiences make me feel like I am now playing a game in which it is negative to just be myself, and I hate this feeling. Given these points, do I just forget her and save myself the hassle? Pursue it as I would naturally? Or keep my cards close to my chest and play a clever game even though it feels confusing? Would love to hear your advice/experiences guys!!!!
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