Carm Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Sorry had to redo this post as I could not edit my very vague title.... Will try to keep this short. I could sense my bf of 9 months or so hasn't been himself in the last 2 weeks so I asked him if he was happy with us. He said he wasn't overly happy, there are a few things that had been bothering him and he wondered if we were compatible enough to be together. Some of things he listed was that I'd like to live in the city, he in the country. We raise our kids differently, he misses smoking pot once in awhile while I'm not into that. He said he's confused.....what does that mean to a guy?? I've told him, he's already hurting me so please be honest with me and let me know if he's really not confused and really knows he doesn't want to be with me. In other words, is he letting me down easy? But he's insisting that he needs time to sort things out. I don't like this feeling so I told him the only thing worse than wasting 9 months of my life is wasting 9 months plus one more day. He needs to sort things out and if I'm around and still interested then we can try again BUT I feel like hell right now. Have I done the right thing? Do I need to give him space and NOT make contact with him? What's the right way to handle this?
sedona Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Could be that you did just the right thing. Could be you jumped the gun. Did you two try to talk through the issues he was concerned with or did you just shut down immediately?
Author Carm Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 No I don't think I jumped the gun, we were in the car driving back toward our city so we had a few hours to try to talk it out. He's a man of a few words. The thing is I know he's insanely attracted to me but the things that bother him are too much to ignore (in his eyes). That being said, the one thing I've noticed over these 9 months is that he is a very selfish man and so he's not good with comprimising. The truth is I'm not sure he's totally wrong, I've sort of been feeling the same but just never said anything. I wanted to wait and see. It feels like **** right now because now I'm confused.....if he comes back do I even take him back? Should I just allow him the space and will that make him want me back?
babyygirllhi Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I think the first wrong thing you did was tell him you wasted 9 months... even if it doesnt work out, you should never see it as a waste, or tell him it is. That's quite mean. However I thnk it's best that you give him his space, but be kind. Just ask that he is very honest with you. Good luck
babyygirllhi Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 No I don't think I jumped the gun, we were in the car driving back toward our city so we had a few hours to try to talk it out. He's a man of a few words. The thing is I know he's insanely attracted to me but the things that bother him are too much to ignore (in his eyes). That being said, the one thing I've noticed over these 9 months is that he is a very selfish man and so he's not good with comprimising. The truth is I'm not sure he's totally wrong, I've sort of been feeling the same but just never said anything. I wanted to wait and see. It feels like **** right now because now I'm confused.....if he comes back do I even take him back? Should I just allow him the space and will that make him want me back? Gah, if he is selfish then WATCH OUT! My guy was selfish and it ended. And he ended it poorly and is still acting poorly. He is only thinking of his feelings. Like, he wants to see me again, even tho he has been with antoher girl, and when I asked what he wants to get out of seeing me he says "i will pick you up, hold you and cry". At first it made my heart melt, until I realized he was with another girl, plus that he still wants to be alone. So then i would just be a comfort for him. Selfish guys are jack asses! Be careful!!!!
Author Carm Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I think the first wrong thing you did was tell him you wasted 9 months... even if it doesnt work out, you should never see it as a waste, or tell him it is. That's quite mean. I suppose you have a point, that was my bruised ego talking at that point. On one hand I know I'm good looking and have many of my male clients (I'm a personal trainer) drooling over me but on the other hand I feel like what the hell is wrong with me??
Author Carm Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Gah, if he is selfish then WATCH OUT! My guy was selfish and it ended. And he ended it poorly and is still acting poorly. He is only thinking of his feelings. Like, he wants to see me again, even tho he has been with antoher girl, and when I asked what he wants to get out of seeing me he says "i will pick you up, hold you and cry". At first it made my heart melt, until I realized he was with another girl, plus that he still wants to be alone. So then i would just be a comfort for him. Selfish guys are jack asses! Be careful!!!! Yes, I understand what you're saying and this got me thinking today. Can selfish people really love, I mean really really love someone. Isn't love supposed to be selfless? Everything over these last 9 months has been on his agenda and I feel like I've lost a bit of myself in the process.
sedona Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Well, then maybe you could apologize to him about the "wasting 9 months" comment, now that you've calmed down. But you clearly have something to think about and so does he. Maybe suggest some time apart so you can each come to your own conclusions, and then set up a time to meet and talk things out. Do you still want to be with him or are you just confused at this point?
Author Carm Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 My heart is saying that I want to be with him but my head is saying that he's too selfish for me....so I guess that means I'm confused too. He came over tonight to get some things that he left over at my place. He was emotionally void of any real emotion. He just said that he's still confused, he needs his space without any contact and he needs to figure out if "we" make sense. WTF? So I guess I'll give him space while I think too.
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