trevorboobah Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Ok, so I'd been with my ex for 6 years. We were stupid and got together very young. She was 16, I was 20. She ran away from home and moved in with me, and numerous times we've broken up and gotten back together. Over the past three years, we started to turn a corner, and didn't break up. Things seemed to be getting better. Obviously, I know I ultimately caused this because of my insecurities from previous infidelities (on both of our parts). She broke up with me in December of 2010, and we've been going back and fourth for the past 7 months. Having sex, spending weeks together, etc. We have a 4 year old son, who seems to be devastated because he can feel the changes. She would come over and spend the night with me, and stay like I said, for weeks at a time. She'd lie to her family about where she was, and it seemed as if she was trying. Although, this whole time she was "trying" she acted it was all on ME to get this relationship back on track. I tried everything, I would do just about anything to try and make her happy, but to no avail. Last week, we got in an argument, and it got physical. Mind you, I've never put my hands on a female in my entire life, and haven't in these 6 years we've been together. Obviously, after repeated attempts to try and work this out with almost no help from her, she got in my face and I tried to pull her purse off her arm so I could go through her phone. (Stupid of me, I know) She threw her phone in the toilet, and yeah, I had no answers. So, we tried to talk it through, she even stayed with me that entire next day, then went home. Since then, I've seen her once, and she said we're completely over, and she's now seeing someone else. She says "If it gets serious, you'll be the first to know." I'm completely emotionally drained, and I really want her back. I know she's going through the grass isnt greener stage, as she's 23 and I'm 28. My question is, what do I have to do to try and reverse this situation? I'm trying to better myself, and am in a dark dark place right now. My doctor prescribed me xanax for my anxiety, and I'm about to go through therapy. This girl was my LIFE, and no I know I have to be strong and move on, but like others, I can't. I don't want to be the weak link in this, but I feel like I need her so much that I don't wanna be without her ever. Is this normal or am I in need of professional help?
Author trevorboobah Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Obviously, I wanted to go through her phone because she was talking to/dating someone else. My gut was right, and she kept promising me she wasn't talking to anyone else, blah blah. We've had some seriously emotionally connected times together, and this feels more like a divorce. 6 years? I'm drained. I can't get out of bed, I can't function. Help me! BTW, she just told me this morning she was seeing someone else, so this is mucho fresh. I can't go NC because we have a son, but I'm willing to try anything to get her back. HELP!
Author trevorboobah Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Also, I've NEVER been unsure about being with her, like the grass theory. I HAVE KNOWN since the day I met her I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I've put a ring on her finger as well. I don't know, she says she will always love me, but she isn't IN LOVE with me. Obviously, this new guy is making her stronger. What the hell do I do?
Chi townD Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 So, you want an answer to what you should do? Here it is, be the best father you can be to your kid. She's been playing games with you for far too long. She has been stringing you along and has been cheating on the guy she seeing with you and vice versa. Obviously, you can't go NC with her because you have a kid together. However, I would limit any interaction with her to only about the well being of your kid. No other conservations. No asking questions about this relationship she's in, don't entertain friendly banter. You can raise a child together and be cordial, but you don't have to be friends.
luvsickpuppy Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 I agree with Chi, I know exactly how you feel our situations... it was almost like reading my story. I know its hard. I feel like I dont know how to live with out him. All of my dreams and goals feel so far away. But here's the truth I keep running into (even though I don't wanna) when I'm crying, when I'm a mess, when I'm trying to point out all of the good I put forward, I'm just bearing all of my weakness, all of my insecurity. Then I look in the mirror, I can't respect myself like that. How can he? He doesn't have to try, he knows I'm there. He knows I'll be there. He could mess around and come back, and I'd still be there... like a dog. I don't want to be his pet dog. I want to be his equal, and I have to claim that, it don't just be given to me. Even if that means I've gotta walk away.
Mack05 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Mate this relationship is as TOXIC and unhealthy as you can get. You are two emotionally unhealthy people. There is a 0% of this being a happy relationship going forward. If you guys get back together, you can kid yourselves all you want but that is all you would be doing. Kidding yourselves. I will change, you will change, it will be like it used to be, it's total bull*****!. That's the harsh reality. She is from a broken home and she is too young and emotionally crippled to know how to be in a healthy, nourishing and loving relationship. You are nowhere near ready either. Your love with her, is a love based on need. You both have gaps in your life you want the other to fill. The problem is you are both so emotionally unhealthy that you are both not satisfying the others needs. You are both unfulfilled and unhappy and taking it out on the other. A love based on need has no chances of success in the future. Staying together for the sake of the child, will end up doing more damage to him in the long run. If you love your boy (and I know you do), you need to get out of this toxic relationship, for him and for you. Get your personal problems sorted and be the best father you can be for him..He is all that matters now..Your relationship with your ex should only focus on your son. Nothing else. What you both do in private is neither of the others business..
Author trevorboobah Posted August 10, 2011 Author Posted August 10, 2011 I finally talked to her this morning, and she told me she closed the door on us, and opened a new one. I said, is the door locked? She said it's just closed. LOL. I know it's toxic, and I know I love my son. Is there any emotional hot buttons I can press to get her back to reality?
wilsonx Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 The reality is you need to press the button to bring yourself back to reality. YOU are not in reality. YOU have a son. Read Mack's post again. The relationship is OVER. It was over the first time it ended. Its time for YOU to move on. Stop worrying about her. She's not the problem. Take care of YOU and YOUR Kid. YOU need to go NC. See the bold, thats all that matters. Nothing else. You need to read both links in my signature and reflect on them. Take a week NC and then do the same again
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