Twos Company Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I started corresponding with a guy over a period of about a week on a dating site. He offered his number and I then texted him mine, we spoke that night on the phone, he rang. All went really well, I liked his voice, we had similiar interests and he said at the end of the call we should speak in the week. We did speak again, on the friday evening and that went well also. I let him lead the way, there were no texts in between calls from him, though I did text him once to saying be good to speak again, to which he replied that would be good, he'd be at home later. I took that to mean we would speak later. The weekend came and went and I heard nothing. I could see he had logged into the website. I sent him a quick message on the Monday saying hope he had a good weekend and not to worry if he didn't wish to pursue things and wished him luck. I felt for my own peace of mind at least I would know where I stood rather than waiting for him to get in touch. that same evening he rang all concerned by my message, we chatted again and seemed to have gor it straight that we were both interested. Another few days went by with nothing, so I thought this is getting annoying and felt confused, maybe unwisely I sent off a text saying I didn;t think this was really suiting me , not hearing much and getting mixed signals and again wished him luck in his search. He flew back a angry sounding text saying , well I was going to ring you this evening but never mind, take care. I left it a couple of days and sent him an apology if I misread the situation etc and could we start again, I made a couple of lighthearted comments. He replied that he was interested but that I would be expecting him to text every 5 minutes. Totally not true, and not what I'm like at all. I sent a polite short email back saying words to that effect and that I think we just communicate in different ways. Ive heard nothing since. Any opinions on this course of events anyone? I was really interested in him and fear I may have spoiled it, but he was giving totally mixed signals.
stillafool Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 He is obviously the type that likes to take it real slow or is dating more than one person. How often do you want to hear from him?
Author Twos Company Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I am very flexible on that, I just took his lack of communication as lack of interest, despite what he may have said. I tried to get it straight after that first bump of uncertainty with him, but then he goes and stays quiet again, then gets uppity with me for wondering what was going on. I also think he said he was about to ring me that evening just so as to make me look unreasonable...how was I to know he was planning on ringing me?
FitChick Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Everything online seems to happen quickly so it's important to remember that people have lives offline as well. As a general rule of thumb, I wait a week and if I don't hear back just let it go assuming the guy has lost interest. In the meantime, I always continue emailing other guys so I'm not just waiting for the one guy.
Casablanca Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 To me he doesnt sound that interested. He doesn't sound like a texter, which is fine and all and you don't want to spoil getting to know each other in person by doing it over the phone, but I think by now he would have asked for a date or at least to meet up for a drink, that is what comes off more as not interested than the lack of communication. Even if he wants to take it slow, meeting up for a drink isnt quite putting dating in the fast lane....I'd say wait for him to contact you, if he doesn't inquire about a meet up, I'd inquire at the end of the conversation. I also don't think you messed anything up...being forward isn't really gonna turn away anyone who is truly interested in you unless you are overbearing them with texts and calls and emails every 10 minutes which it doesnt sound like you are at all. Good luck, but I wouldnt get your hopes up on the guy
Author Twos Company Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I thnk thats probably the best way to go, I'll certainly not be contacting him again. Online is so random and frustrating, I also have the opposite going on with another guy who emailed me since the first guy. This guy does a lot of texting and is very keen to meet, I am willing to meet him soon to see how we get on, but too much texting from him makes me think he's building it up too much before we even meet. I will end up having to say something soon but it seems to be a minefield of being careful not to say the wrong thing and scare him off too, but for the opposite reason!
Casablanca Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 This guy does a lot of texting and is very keen to meet, I am willing to meet him soon to see how we get on, but too much texting from him makes me think he's building it up too much before we even meet. I will end up having to say something soon but it seems to be a minefield of being careful not to say the wrong thing and scare him off too, but for the opposite reason! How much/often does this guy text you?
Author Twos Company Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Over a period of three days there's been a good morning text start to the day, then I'd reply within the hour and get one back within ten minutes or so. This would continue throughout the day, with him asking to speak on the phone in the evening, which we have done once. I counted 21 texts in total yesterday, and I felt rude to not reply to them, so of course some of those are in response to me. I have left quite long gaps today to try and tone things down, when I left it a few hours he sent a prpmpter one I 'd guess you could call it. I replied and then he replied straight away, again I left a gap but had an instant reply when I did send one...oh dear! He has asked to speak tonight and I have said would be better tommorrow, to which he replied well I will text you goodnight. I really don't know!
DSM2709 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 (edited) Hey Two's, I know exactly how you feel, I hate this communication game with people your interested in, especially on dating sites. It has happened to me recently, there was this person whom I met online and we went out a few times, and then I didn't hear from her after a while, then she would respond to my voicemail a few days later and said she was busy. I left it alone for a week, and then after being frustrated from not hearing from her, I "Assumed" she wasn't interested and I left her another voice mail stating that "I get the hint" and I was disappointed that she wasn't interested anymore. Well, she texted me a couple of days later, and said she busy with work, school etc etc and that she had also been involved in an accident on her motorcycle, but that I was right, she was not interested but thanks for the message....Now don't I feel like a freaking jerk!! I tried to redeem myself and explain how I felt, but to no avail. I mean how the hell am I suppose to know these things. So, your not alone two's. I really liked this person too and I wish I could fix it, but I also don't want to seem desperate. I hate it when you text someone and they don't respond. Some people are not texters where others live for it. Isn't communication part of dating? I thought so too. Look at it this way, it's their loss right? Some people just don't know a good thing. Best of luck to you. Edited August 7, 2011 by DSM2709
Author Twos Company Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I left it alone for a week, and then after being frustrated from not hearing from her, I "Assumed" she wasn't interested and I left her another voice mail stating that "I get the hint" and I was disappointed that she wasn't interested anymore. Well, she texted me a couple of days later, and said she busy with work, school etc etc and that she had also been involved in an accident on her motorcycle, but that I was right, she was not interested but thanks for the message....Now don't I feel like a freaking jerk!! I tried to redeem myself and explain how I felt, but to no avail. I mean how the hell am I suppose to know these things. So, your not alone two's. This is the sort of power thing that I don't like at all...in a need for clarity and an attempt to keep some pride, you did more or less what I did...but...they OP turns it around and says, well I was busy etc etc, but now that you've had the 'cheek' to call me out on why I've not been in touch, you're the one with the problem...it's like they are absolving themselves from any part while at the same time having a convenient 'get out' excuse. I too ended up blaming myself, some of us are naturally like that, I am the type who is more than willing to account for myself, at the cost of taking on too much blame, I've been involved with two manipulative people in the past and I know the signs and how they operate. Thats another story though! Thanks for the replies so far everyone.
Casablanca Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Over a period of three days there's been a good morning text start to the day, then I'd reply within the hour and get one back within ten minutes or so. This would continue throughout the day, with him asking to speak on the phone in the evening, which we have done once. I counted 21 texts in total yesterday, and I felt rude to not reply to them, so of course some of those are in response to me. I have left quite long gaps today to try and tone things down, when I left it a few hours he sent a prpmpter one I 'd guess you could call it. I replied and then he replied straight away, again I left a gap but had an instant reply when I did send one...oh dear! He has asked to speak tonight and I have said would be better tommorrow, to which he replied well I will text you goodnight. I really don't know! I'd be flattered with that many...so he has texted you about 11 times then?, not too bad....I like how you are tryin to slow things down...not sure why he asked to speak with you, I'd just call w/o asking. You at least know he is interested....Id give him one date/in person meeting and wouldnt bring up the amount of contact unless you start seeing the numbers jump
Author Twos Company Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Thanks, will meet him sometime in the week for a coffee at least, he seems a nice person who is genuinely looking for a relationship...just think he so much wants that, that he is convinced that we will click in real life. This happened a few months ago, same website, the guy couldn't stop texting, called sometimes twice a day, overkill in my mind. We met after about a week and I felt no attraction whatsoever. I cut the meeting short (about an hour). Soon after this I get a text asking me if I fancied him, and stating that he fancied me. I replied that I didn't wish to pursure it but was nice to meet him. He continues texting me wanting to know why, I reply saying I just didn't feel we had enough in common. He persisted with a few more texts being really jerky asking why I didn't fancy him. In the end I had to say 'please stop this' . It was really unnerving me. Luckily it did stop then. But this is the sort of thing that makes me wary, I don't wish to give this new guy any false expectations, not that I did with the 'jerk' guy either, but look what happened there...It's all so darned hard!
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