sphynx Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I really need some advice as to how to deal with this situation...and how would you guys feel about all this. Up until a year ago, I had this "friend" I used to go out dancing every weekend (I love dancing). She was never a true friend, she was mostly using me to go out and meet men, but was always critical of me, always bossy, always throwing herself at any guy I was interested in...a toxic friend you could say. I ended up hating going out with her, I never had fun because hanging out with her was too stressful, but I guess continued to do so out of habit. But a year ago, I decided it was time to end the "friendship" and I was thinking of a nice way to do so (she's the kind of person who lies and manipulates and is better not to have as an enemy). Luckily for me, she happened to meet this other girl, who was more convenient than me (more submissive and didn't drive, which meant she would go wherever my toxic friend wanted to go), and she pretty much started making plans with this other girl, stopped initiating phone calls, and lied about the two of them going out. It was a blessing in desguise for me, I befriended another girl, made a new group of friends, and basically had a blast for the past year. I actually had fun going out! Three months ago toxic friend's new friend met a guy and married him 2 months later...so now, being alone, she started contacting me again, bombarding me with texts and calls, asking me to take her out with my new friends! Not only I find this insulting, because she is blatantly trying to use me only because she has noone else to go out with, but also I don't want her in my life again, as I know she'll try to mess my new friendships and make my life miserable again. I tried ignoring her calls/texts, or when I did answer, I told her I had other plans with other people, but she just doesn't get the hints. She invites herself over and over again, and I cannot do the fading, because she knows where my friends and I hang out and I cannot really tell her she's not welcome to join us, as it's a public place. So what can I do? I know she'll play victim and accuse me of being a bad friend (where was her friendship for the past year, when she had that girl to go out with and didn't need me?). Should I tell her just that? That she's the one who dumped me and I have no desire to be used by her only because now she's alone? Should I just not answer her calls/texts? I know her, she won't let me off the hook easily. And she has my new friend's phone number and knowing her, she'll start calling her and trying to mess with our friendship (I warned my new friend about this, but the toxic woman is very manipulative and lies with great ease). Last time I tried to sever ties, 3 years ago, because I caught her exchanging phone numbers with a guy I was going out with (!), she kept sending me desperate texts (I wouldn't answer her calls) such as "please call me, I need to talk to you", and I felt sorry for her...I know she'll do the same now. She is desperate because she is alone, she lost all her other friends because of her toxic ways, and I know that when she's desperate, she's capable of anything... What would you guys do?
TurboGirl Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 You don't owe her an "explanation" - this girl is NOT your friend! OMG! I would not reply to texts - block her number. If she "shows up" at your house, I would tell her that you don't want to hang out anymore and close the door in her face. Period. She is a user and will suck alllllllll the energy and positiveness out of your life. I can tell that you don't want to be mean, but in this case you have to put yourself and your sanity first, and it you have to be mean to this parasite to get rid of her, please do so without one shred of guilt! She is a user!
Author sphynx Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 She is a user and will suck alllllllll the energy and positiveness out of your life. I can tell that you don't want to be mean, but in this case you have to put yourself and your sanity first, and it you have to be mean to this parasite to get rid of her, please do so without one shred of guilt! She is a user! Yes, she is a user, and you're right, she will suck all the energy and positiveness out of my life, she did before, I was miserable in her company. I'm just afraid that she'll go after my friend and tell her lies about me, because she thinks if I am alone like her, I'll go back to hanging out with her. I explained my friend the situation, but I'm still worried. You know that kind of person who would say anything just to mess with your head? Well that's my toxic friend...and I don't know how to block her attempts to manipulate people to get what she wants.
TurboGirl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Don't worry about what this crazy woman tells your new friends.... if they believe her, they weren't really your friends, right? Go to some different places... and when she comes up to you and your friends, ignore her & walk away! Take you new friends with, and explain to your new friends, if you have to, that this chick is crazy, was hitting on your guys, etc., bad news. Trust me, no woman wants a girl around who hits on other people's men! If you have to, BE RUDE to her, just keep her out of your life.
Savannah323 Posted August 13, 2011 Posted August 13, 2011 Hi, This "friend" sounds very toxic. What I would do is have ONE final chat with her. Telling her how we are each doing our own thing and how we are at different points in your lives. Also, state how although you do party, you both have different definition of the word fun. Tell her she "will be bored" with you. She needs a friend who can "catch her" as she is falling over guys...lol...Also, be stern about how she must be independent and find her own friends. Life goes on. She needs to find a new victim. IF you do encounter her at a public place be cut and dry with her. NO warm smiles, chit chat, hugs, and kisses. Essentially dismiss her. She does get the hints, she just doesn't want to process them! P.S. if she cries, just state "I wish you the best"
The Outlaw Posted September 12, 2011 Posted September 12, 2011 Ignore her. Change your number, block her calls, anything. She's extremely unhealthy for you. No real 'friend' would ever use you like that.
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