Three months later, I still miss him, a lot! I want to contact him. Bad idea?

[aamina]

My ex and I dated for 8 months. I don't know what it was about him, but we both seemed to fall for each other very quickly. We had so much fun together and we were both very attracted to each other. However we had a big problem - we were both very hurt and very jaded because of our past and we are both very sensitive. I always felt like it was always me that had to see the big picture and had to be the bigger person to fix our relationship.

 

I told him that I really liked him and I asked him if he felt the same, and he told me that he did, that the feelings were mutual. And that made me really happy. But I sometimes doubted what he said because every time we would get close he would push me away. We ended up breaking up because he started to push me away, for the millionth time, and I finally got fed up. I have to admit I screwed up real bad - I got really angry and I felt really hurt after our last fight. I was convinced at the time that he wanted to break up with me but didn't know how to so he did things to make me break up with him. and I really believed that.. so I sent him a text message telling him that I was done and I didn't ever want to see him again. I really regretted doing that... the reason I sent him a text was because I couldn't get a hold of him. We had plans that night and I was convinced that he was avoiding me, so that's why I did that. when I finally got a hold of him I told him that I was really angry because I really wanted to see him. I was going on vacation the next day and it was really important for me to see him. But he was so angry about my text message that he said he was done, and he doesn't deserve to be treated like that and he never wants to speak to me again. I was so hurt because I felt like it was him who was doing things to hurt me.

 

I just feel like our entire relationship was confusing. We were both always trying to just protect ourselves and we both always had our guards up that we couldn't just enjoy each other. I feel like we could have had an amazing relationship if we both weren't so messed up. I miss him so much. It's been three months with no contact. I have tried to contact him but he ignored me. The only time we spoke was 2 months ago - I called him to say Happy Birthday but he didn't answer, so I texted him on his birthday and he texted me back saying Thanks. Last week was my birthday and he didn't call me or text me or anything. I expected that but I was still a little upset.

 

I just kind of wish we could have at least stayed in touch.. or remained friends. I'm too scared to call him or text him because I feel like he will just ignore me and I don't want to feel stupid. I was thinking to email him but I don't even know what to say.....

 

I have met a lot of other guys since our break-up but it really just makes me miss him more.. and now I feel even more jaded and scared than I was before... I went on a date last week with a guy I had a crush on 2 years ago, and it went really well.. but I don't even want anything. I just miss my ex too much... and I feel even more closed off than I was before. I really can't date. I don't know what to do.. I don't know what happened with my ex.

 

What should I do?

[citrusdrop1688]

I understand... my relationship ended because of similar reasons. Right now we are three weeks no contact. We had a less dramatic ending and I dont think he would ignore me if i tried to contact him... at least I hope that he wouldnt. That would be very hard.

 

With you, if your scared to reach out then all you can do is move forward, or you can choose to reach out one more time and if he ignores you again move on. Maybe you should give it a last shot. If hes made a decision to never speak to you again trying to talk to him one more time wont change anything. I know I want to talk to and try with my ex again some day... I know first I have to get my issues and life right again. I just have to hope that when im ready he hasnt moved on without me.

[LifeIsGreat]

My last LTR was similar to yours. We broke up/made up a few times in 2 years. Now we've been apart 1 year, and NC. (she did make a lame attempt to contact me via letter a few months ago but I ignored it).

 

Generally, second chances don't work. It seems like you both have issues that would continue to plague your relationship. For this reason, there is probably no reason for you to contact each other. What would come of it anyway? You get back together? So what. You would probably wind up breaking up again, and the pain would be worse.

[2011]

aamina

 

Sounds like you were trying to make things work and he had something plaguing him that he could not commit to be close to you. I seen quite a reflection in what happened to me with my EX EX GF, we got on great and all that but she had some personal issues or similar and couldn't seem to get close and then she started going cold and saying all these weird things, putting all the blame on me as if I was at fault for just trying to be there and care. I know she had issues as her family even said she was strange this way and even she admitted it to me - not sure if she was trying to scare me off though. I know how you feel when someone does this it is absolutely devastating and I am still not really properly over my BU 8 months ago.

 

The main thing I would say to you that you must do is stay in total NC do not break it, I did on a few occasions and either got ignored or shot down in flames and I tell you it brings you back to ground zero quite quickly. It's as if I tried my best to show my love and attention to this reserved/shy otherwise great girl and she just hated me more and more for essentially trying to do the right thing. I'll never understand it! With these situations and these types of mixed up people you never get closure and that is the absolute worst, you never really know the reason and so you assume the worst but most times it is not anything to do with you it is the person who cannot commit or grow a pair and go for a proper RL they want what they can't have and when they finally get a shot at it they bail and make everyone suffer for it except them.

 

I went out with a girl recently for a few months and we weren't really compatible I knew that, she kindly phoned me one day and finished it but was really nice about it and explained it all etc that she was still not ready for a RL after her engagement break up etc. I was over it in about 2 mins I was kind of going to do the finishing but she got me to it!

 

So remember stay NC and as hard as it is try and get on with living your life.

 

2011

Edited August 7, 2011 by 2011