Ayla Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 The long story is in previous posts, but to recap...we dated for a few months late last year and into this year. I ended it with him because he wasn't ready for a relationship, but made it clear that when he was ready I would like to give it a go again. We didn't talk for quite a few months, and in the last 2 months have been hanging out as friends. Texting, calling and seeing each other, on average every second day. Everytime I mention plans that don't involve him or my brother (he is good friends and world with my brother) he asks if ive got a hot date (see previous posts). Ok...so last night things got physical. I like him mentally and physically so much, I couldn't help myself. We were at the pub, I was talking to one of his good friends...and he said that he definitely likes me, and talks about me all the time. BUT I should not expect anything from him...As he is not in a good head space. But I am important to him...His friend and I met briefly in January, but last night was the first time we got to know each other. He said that I am 1 in a million. Anyways-fast forward a few hours and we were back at my place....we didn't have sex per se, but got close to it. Unfortunately he was drunk, and although he could perform, he couldn't finish (please read between the lines here). I was so embarrassed last night and this morning, but he said that it was very enjoyable and it was because he was drunk. Last night he said that he likes me, and I told him that I liked him. We talked and eventually fell asleep. This morning he got up, and dressed and said not to worry, he wasn't leaving. He then took me (and paid for) breakfast. He reassured me again that last night was enjoyable, it was quite obvious I was worrying. I mentioned that I was thinking of finishing what was started this morning, and he said I should have! But I reminded him that he got up As he was drunk last night, he left his car at his friends house. His friend came to pick him up, and they dropped me home. He said he will see me soon. I'm worrying myself silly, that I might have screwed things up! I don't want to lose him in my life. Only yesterday my brother, him and I were talking about going overseas to see my parents early next year. Something he was talking about last night at the pub-and seemed really excited about it. What do I do from here!!! I'm so worried!!!
AThoughtfulMan Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Speaking from a guy's point of view I gotta say that waking up and taking you out to breakfast AFTER drinking the night before is definitely a good sign, especially if the intimacy had already happened. If you were just a piece he was after, he more than likely would've woke and said "see ya." Don't sweat it. Just keep doing what ya do. Let him follow through on his intentions
Just A Joe Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I think you worry too much. I'm a guy, in my 40s, but feelin 30-ish. Been around the block and the world. Your BF doesn't remember what happen. Sounds like he had too much to drink. If you plan on repeating this with him, you might want to limit his intake. Give it another chance or two. He may have been nervous and just drank too much. Been there. Good luck.
Author Ayla Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Thanks guys. I am over thinking it, and trying not to...but it is so hard. I guess what is really freaking me out is his head space, and his fear of getting hurt again (his ex of 10 years and mother of his daughter cheated on him). I don't want him to run away and freak out! Just a Joe-he definitely does remember what happened last night, given we were talking about it this morning. I did say to him that next time he might want to limit his consumption. AThoughtfulMan-I thought that would of been the case. If he really wanted to, he could have left despite not having his car....right??? I'm just scared. I like this guy so much. I know some of my friends will think that having him over was the wrong thing to do at this point....I am so scared I feel like screaming and running away.
dasein Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 This guy is running several if not lots of women. His friends are trying to tell you this as plainly as possible. You know deep down this guy is not a relationship prospect, so why worry yourself over whether you have lost him or not? When he is horny and has no other options, he will be back. You are a backburner. If you are cool with that fine, if not move onto better prospects.
Author Ayla Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 One of my male friends just told me I did the wrong thing. Excuse the French...but I really hope I didn't f**k this up. My gut feeling tells me I haven't, but I can't switch my brain off.
Author Ayla Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Thanks for your comment Dasein. I tend to disagree though that his friend was telling me that he is running a few women, if not lots of women at the same time. Actually most of his friends are trying to push us together, and his flatmate (who is also a friend of mine and my brothers) also ensures that I am aware that he does not have women over, and actually has little to do with other women. If I was just a backburner, Im not sure he would be spending so much time with me as a friend...given that it only got physical for the first time last night. I also don't think he would want to piss off one of his best friends (my brother) by using me like that. The reason his friend is saying not to expect anything is because he has been hurt so badly and is still not over that hurt-and therefore doesn't know what he wants. I have been aware of this since we met last year. I know that is a risk in itself, and hence the reason I am scared that he will freak out after last night. I know I am not some chick or a simple root (especially since we actually have never had sex)-in his mind (in regards to me) he would not risk friendships by intentionally using me or hurting me. Sorry if I was not clear in my post. It is a fragile situation, and not so cut and dry, but hard to explain it all via written posts.
sm1tten Posted August 8, 2011 Posted August 8, 2011 I don't think you necessarily screwed anything up, because there is really nothing going on to screw up. I don't think that anything in particular is going to come of this. To me it sounds like two people who once dated and still have feelings for each other got drunk and acted on their attraction, and neither woke up feeling too bad about it, and life went on. Doesn't really matter if you're a backburner to a bunch of other women or the only woman he's even thinking about - until he makes a clear action towards being ready for a relationship with you, you're still really just friends.
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