Single Sid Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 i know others will disagree with me maybe but this is just my opinion. how did you find councilling? did it help? did it really teach you anything? i went through what i would call a long period of councilling with the ex and then without. Looking back i found it dindt help me either way with my process. Every week me and the ex would at the end of every session, be left totally lost and a wreck to the extent that we couldnt show each emotion before the therapy but showed after with tears and hug then departed to go separate ways. every it would be case of talking about our past but never seemingly to deal with what the problems were or wha they were about or what they entailed. after about 12 weeks of duel therapy with the ex i said i could only attend 1 more with her as i felt it was dragging out a situation that was getting no where and making things worse at that current time instead easing it with some options. On the last time together there, i sat out for the 1st half when i said the therapist this ws my last attendance. upon going back in the room, there was tears of emotion from us both with the therapist saying to me 'its time to make your mind up what you want to do' WTF!! confused as i was already this left me thinking, i came already thinking that. i didnt expect the solution, but at least some sort of guidance we could both take, not someone who would sit there for 12-14 weeks listen to us both sob our hearts out then tell me what i 1st thought on day one of entering the place. I feel like i was an education to the therapist rather than the other way round. Personally i dont think i would enertain that kind of therapy again, makes me think places like this are best place to clear your own air sometimes, people who have walked down that same road and really do understand. not just take notes and nod their heads, instead they sincerely understand the paths we have to walk. I know each situation is different, but feel this is my persoanl opinion from previous experience.
Nohbody Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Developing a working relationship with a therapist (the department of veteran affairs has given me three) is not an easy task. Not all therapists and/or counselors are created equal. Finding the right 'fit' for you is very important. Many psychiatric social workers offer a free session as a kind of meet and greet to get the measure of one another. Some guys you will WANT to work with, and others you really won't... and others you won't feel one way or the other. Therapy isn't something you can try and expect to get any results. You commit to getting therapy, to the process, and you keep working and looking until you find the right guide for you. That's my 2cents.
Duckduckgoose Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I attended counselling after my exH left. I had some issues I needed to deal with... mostly anger, but also pain from the divorce... my counselling focused mostly on my anger issues. She encouraged me to talk about divorce pain and things I was feeling/thinking because of it... a lot of times it would trigger my anger lol All-in-all I would say counselling helped me a lot. The coping mechanisms I learned from there help me pretty much every single day. There are times I have to re-gear my brain and think really hard about it though. I am glad I went and I don't feel like it was a waste of time one bit.
Author Single Sid Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 (edited) I attended counselling after my exH left. I had some issues I needed to deal with... mostly anger, but also pain from the divorce... my counselling focused mostly on my anger issues. She encouraged me to talk about divorce pain and things I was feeling/thinking because of it... a lot of times it would trigger my anger lol All-in-all I would say counselling helped me a lot. The coping mechanisms I learned from there help me pretty much every single day. There are times I have to re-gear my brain and think really hard about it though. I am glad I went and I don't feel like it was a waste of time one bit. i kind of attended or tried to on a singular level after the duel. Went to see doctor said i really need something to help me sleep, so i can focus my days, i was given AD's numerous times and knew they just wasnt for me, i lost my self and broke down and said i really need to sleep in tears in a bad way. the female doctor seemed to look at me in disgust! i walked out in the end, the bonus was i was pi**ed at the doctor for seemingly treating me like that, instead of being pi**ed at my own loss. made an appointment with another male doctor who clearly seen there was a need for me to talk to someone and soon. couple of weeks and got to see therapist at local doctors, entered room, i was pleasant as well as weak. her 1st words were about cannibis, ive smoked when younger so it was on my medical form. she said im not prepared to treat someone who takes drugs!! i said i didnt and wasnt expecting to due to my current state. she then proceeded to tell me that she had been advised by a colleague about me!! Soon as she said that i thought about the female doctor i saw a few weeks before, whom i totally broke down too, whom then proceeded to make me feel not worthy of the medical help i was requesting. Within 5 minutes she refused to see me point blank, no mucking with words, goodbye!! so i left, again broken and lost. Retrospect - i wish i could of found that right person to help in either of the sessions. But also in retrospect i came through the other side with only the odd minor scrape here n there as the years progressed, considering the full situation at hand for me ive travelled a long and winding road for many years, a fool maybe, but a great father i am and that will never be taken away. ask me to do it all again to get the same results if i had to?then yes. I wouldnt change the way i proceeded, no regrets, well maybe a few but none i consider my own regrets. Edited August 7, 2011 by Single Sid
patagonia Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I've got 2 counselors because I knew that 1 wasn't enough. IMO counseling is only as effective as we are honest, therefore me being as open and honest as I can possibly be, the more I grow and the more I learn. 1 of my counselors is a professor from college and my recently new counselor is from a church in florida that I got into contact with when I was down there working on things with my ex wife. Called the church, asked for marital help and wah-lah. Counselor. I know sometimes counseling doesn't help because the person has made up their mind or feelings on something and that is it. But I am still of the belief that anything is possible with God. Overall I would say though that counseling helps, especially individually. At least that is and has been my experience.
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