sagirl1891 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I met a guy through a friend and was pleasantly surprised when he put in a lot of effort to go on a date with me. I happened to be vacationing where he lives and we were originally supposed to hang out once but we hit it off and ended up hanging out four times in one week! Unfortunately the last time we hung out he had a huge party and so we didnt have a lot of time together. His ex hookup was also there which made me uncomfortable and surprisingly a little jealous, though i didnt say anything to him about it. We both ackmnowledged that the week was awesome and unexpected, and in my mind he is boyfriend material. There is no chance for a relationship. How come i started the week feeling totally carefree and by the end of the week i am sad and feeling in the dumps about this being over? How can i avoid getting too attached to casual relationships?
Pierre Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I met a guy through a friend and was pleasantly surprised when he put in a lot of effort to go on a date with me. I happened to be vacationing where he lives and we were originally supposed to hang out once but we hit it off and ended up hanging out four times in one week! Unfortunately the last time we hung out he had a huge party and so we didnt have a lot of time together. His ex hookup was also there which made me uncomfortable and surprisingly a little jealous, though i didnt say anything to him about it. We both ackmnowledged that the week was awesome and unexpected, and in my mind he is boyfriend material. There is no chance for a relationship. How come i started the week feeling totally carefree and by the end of the week i am sad and feeling in the dumps about this being over? How can i avoid getting too attached to casual relationships? You want to avoid feeling attracted to a guy you like a lot? What is the point? The best way to avoid feelings is to go into no contact. Next time you start to fall for a guy go NC right away.
dasein Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 It's natural to feel that way, a iittle giddy when meeting someone new. Then you have a choice over whether to let your emotions rule, or your mind. It's a choice not to let impulses rule you, just say "hey it is what it is" and accept that.
Author sagirl1891 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 You want to avoid feeling attracted to a guy you like a lot? What is the point? The best way to avoid feelings is to go into no contact. Next time you start to fall for a guy go NC right away. Wait, what i meant is that we probably wont see each other again and it was lovely, and now all day i have been sad. Dont you think thats a little much for someone i only hung out with for a week?
Tasha49 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Wait, what i meant is that we probably wont see each other again and it was lovely, and now all day i have been sad. Dont you think thats a little much for someone i only hung out with for a week? I am confused. You're not gonna see each other again? Why?
Author sagirl1891 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I am confused. You're not gonna see each other again? Why? We live in different states.
Tasha49 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 We live in different states. If you aren't gonna see each other again what is the worry? I would just move on to the next.
Author sagirl1891 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 If you aren't gonna see each other again what is the worry? I would just move on to the next. I don't know whats wrong with me! I know that should be my mentality but I'm having trouble with thinking that way. I am currently seeing a therapist but we're not meeting for a while. Any thoughts?
Cee Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I think it's ok to feel down after a whirlwind affair, but the feelings should fade in a week or two. You are grieving the possibility of love, but you didn't know him long enough to really develop deep feelings.
Pierre Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Wait, what i meant is that we probably wont see each other again and it was lovely, and now all day i have been sad. Dont you think thats a little much for someone i only hung out with for a week? Love moves at different speeds. There is such a thing as love at first sight or slowly falling in love over a week, a month, or a year. If there is no hope for a to see him again NC will take care of your symptoms.
Tasha49 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I don't know whats wrong with me! I know that should be my mentality but I'm having trouble with thinking that way. I am currently seeing a therapist but we're not meeting for a while. Any thoughts? Hey trust me I know all about not thinking the way I SHOULD be thinking. I just feel that if he lives in a other state that he will not make you happy. Finding a guy in your area will probably make you happier in the longrun. I mean now that you two have parted ways you probably miss him right? Think if you were to actually try and pursue him. If it ever turned into a relationship you will miss him more and more and it'll suck. I think you should try busying yourself otherwise I don't honestly know any other options. How often does he visit your state?
Author sagirl1891 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I think it's ok to feel down after a whirlwind affair, but the feelings should fade in a week or two. You are grieving the possibility of love, but you didn't know him long enough to really develop deep feelings. Thank you, I think you are completely right. That comforts me.
Author sagirl1891 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Love moves at different speeds. There is such a thing as love at first sight or slowly falling in love over a week, a month, or a year. If there is no hope for a to see him again NC will take care of your symptoms. That makes sense. Thanks, i will probably end up going no contact.
Author sagirl1891 Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Hey trust me I know all about not thinking the way I SHOULD be thinking. I just feel that if he lives in a other state that he will not make you happy. Finding a guy in your area will probably make you happier in the longrun. I mean now that you two have parted ways you probably miss him right? Think if you were to actually try and pursue him. If it ever turned into a relationship you will miss him more and more and it'll suck. I think you should try busying yourself otherwise I don't honestly know any other options. How often does he visit your state? You're right. Logically it wouldn't work and i knew that going in. He will eventually move to my state after college... in 3 years. So that's why it won't work.
Tasha49 Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 You're right. Logically it wouldn't work and i knew that going in. He will eventually move to my state after college... in 3 years. So that's why it won't work. 3 years is an awfully long time. The more you talk with him the more your feelings will branch out and before you know it, getting rid of the feelings will be a personal battle. You like the idea of him but realistically you know it isn't gonna work right now. Even if you hold onto hope that in 3 years you could give it a shot that same hope could be crushed just as easily when he tells you he has a girlfriend in 3 years. I know it sounds harsh but if you don't go NC... you will find it more and more difficult to let go.
Professor X Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I think you need to accept yourself for who you are - a woman that can fall inlove with someone quickly. Just embrace the pain and keeping going with your life, nothing is wrong with you!
Author sagirl1891 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Posted August 8, 2011 He texted me today to ask if i got home okay. I am an idiot and made the conversation last. Someone please knock some sense into me and convince me to go no contact. He is a very attractive and sweet guy who has girls falling all over him. Im sure he will move on fast.
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