Hot Chick Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Well do you know what he was doing every second on the business trip? He's kind of acting like a guy who did a bad thing and is shifting things over to you....
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Most men I know tip towards 'nagging' when the preponderance of the 'discussions' or 'talking' are negative. Part of effective communication is a positive style, focusing on positive things, behaviors and attributes you desire and appreciate versus the same that irritate and annoy you. Think about how you could apply that methodology to this circumstance. ETA, having been married, it's really difficult to be '100% positive' about anything which involves another human being. It's healthy to be confident, in this case that he's not cheating, but 100% sure is an unreasonable and unreachable goal, presuming you don't spend 24/7 together. I could share some stories from my own life, but they're OT. Everything isn't always as it seems. In any event, stick to the obvious issues and work those. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I'm very sure he isn't cheating. I know some people have had bad experiences with a significant other and the result may have been infidelity, but this isn't one of those situations.
GG3 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Well do you know what he was doing every second on the business trip? He's kind of acting like a guy who did a bad thing and is shifting things over to you.... Or he is just acting disconnected because he hasn't been with her for 10 days....
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 This thread seems ridiculous to me. Some people are making all about women nagging and not understanding a man who works hard. Women work hard too. I'm an engineer and I work my tail off every week. All she did was ask about meeting up for dinner because she WANTS to spend time with someone she cared about. And he snapped. I say don't be passive aggressive, but don't make any effort for a while. Be busy. Let him come to you once he's had some time to realize that the way he spoke to you was out of line. There is nothing wrong with WANTING to see someone you are in a relationship with and ASKING to make plans together. I don't think that is nagging. I'm confident that I'm just going to go with the flow for now and not be so smothering. I appreciate your input. It goes in line with how I feel.
Hot Chick Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Or he is just acting disconnected because he hasn't been with her for 10 days.... Could be, but he snapped at her when she demanded "why" he couldn't come home earlier than he usually did from work to see her after his 9-day trip.....that is telling to me. He definitely did not want to answer that question and was ducking it, shifting the blame over to her for asking it in the first place. The question clearly frustrated him.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Well do you know what he was doing every second on the business trip? He's kind of acting like a guy who did a bad thing and is shifting things over to you.... I'm sure its not what you are saying. thanks though.
GG3 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Could be, but he snapped at her when she demanded "why" he couldn't come home earlier than he usually did from work to see her after his 9-day trip.....that is telling to me. He definitely did not want to answer that question and was ducking it, shifting the blame over to her for asking it in the first place. The question clearly frustrated him. Maybe it frustrated him because he's a douche. Have you ever dated a douche? I have.
Hot Chick Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 That's possible or it's possible that he cheated. Or he is simply too busy and felt nagged when he told her he couldn't make it home early, and she asked "why". We don't know.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Maybe it frustrated him because he's a douche. Have you ever dated a douche? I have. LOL he really isn't. There is much more to our relationship than this argument.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 That's possible or it's possible that he cheated. Or he is simply too busy and felt nagged when he told her he couldn't make it home early, and she asked "why". We don't know. No he didn't cheat. I would appreciate if you would stop saying that. you know not every situation of a couple having an argument is because someone cheated.
carhill Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I'm very sure he isn't cheating. I know some people have had bad experiences with a significant other and the result may have been infidelity, but this isn't one of those situations. In my case, I was the 'bad' significant other. Like I said, everything isn't always as it seems. Work the obvious stuff first, then deal with the more nebulous stuff. His next move should be telling.
Hot Chick Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 No he didn't cheat. I would appreciate if you would stop saying that. you know not every situation of a couple having an argument is because someone cheated. There's no way of knowing that 100%, though. As it is, he's working late hours at work and not wanting to come home to you and snapping at you over the phone. That's why you posted.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 In my case, I was the 'bad' significant other. Like I said, everything isn't always as it seems. Work the obvious stuff first, then deal with the more nebulous stuff. His next move should be telling. I see. I'm very sure he didn't and isn't.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 There's no way of knowing that 100%, though. As it is, he's working late hours at work and not wanting to come home to you and snapping at you over the phone. That's why you posted. Your still going on about it? ok. Have you been cheated on before or something?
P&R Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Cat, you both were out of line here. Your demands were selfish and self-centered. Your man obviously has a lot of responsibillity at his job. As other posters mentioned he was on a business trip, not an easy going trip filled with fun filled activities. He was also most likely greeted with a huge backlog of work when he got home to the office. Your man probably knew that you were feeling like this, thus he set up a date that you two could spend together. The reason he put Wednesday is so he could catch up on his mountains of work. When you called him and asked him to take Wednesday off you probably added to his stress level. You did not stop there you asked him to come home an hour early so you could have dinner together. That can easily could come off as needy, clingy, desperate, and naggy, when he already promised you time together on Wednesday. Now you're ignoring him when you should be talking about the issue at hand. What you're doing is childish (he was too for saying that comment), and manipulative. You are trying to punish your man when you should be talking about it like adults. You are just as much at fault here. Stop this game immediately and focus on the problem at hand. Next time try to put yourself in his shoes.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Cat, you both were out of line here. Your demands were selfish and self-centered. Your man obviously has a lot of responsibillity at his job. As other posters mentioned he was on a business trip, not an easy going trip filled with fun filled activities. He was also most likely greeted with a huge backlog of work when he got home to the office. Your man probably knew that you were feeling like this, thus he set up a date that you two could spend together. The reason he put Wednesday is so he could catch up on his mountains of work. When you called him and asked him to take Wednesday off you probably added to his stress level. You did not stop there you asked him to come home an hour early so you could have dinner together. That can easily could come off as needy, clingy, desperate, and naggy, when he already promised you time together on Wednesday. Now you're ignoring him when you should be talking about the issue at hand. What you're doing is childish (he was too for saying that comment), and manipulative. You are trying to punish your man when you should be talking about it like adults. You are just as much at fault here. Stop this game immediately and focus on the problem at hand. Next time try to put yourself in his shoes. You have some very valid points. He is actually the one that mentioned Wednesday we go out, last week. But now we are not doing Dinner on Wednesday since he doesn't know what time he will be out of work. I'm letting it go and doing my own thing while he is busy.
Hot Chick Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Your still going on about it? ok. Have you been cheated on before or something? Not to my knowledge, but you never really know 100%. That's my point. You're awfully defensive about this, though.
carhill Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 His positive move, since he effectively 'canceled' Wednesday unilaterally, is to reschedule it, proactively. Like I said, his next move will be telling.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Not to my knowledge, but you never really know 100%. That's my point. You're awfully defensive about this, though. ok:confused:
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 His positive move, since he effectively 'canceled' Wednesday unilaterally, is to reschedule it, proactively. Like I said, his next move will be telling. We had plans to spend this Saturday at a beach side community. So we shall see if that happens.
carhill Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 OK, go with that.... a summer day at the beach sounds like a lot of fun
P&R Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 We had plans to spend this Saturday at a beach side community. So we shall see if that happens. I agree with what Carhill said.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 OK, go with that.... a summer day at the beach sounds like a lot of fun I think your right about letting him take the lead. Takes the pressure off me!
Hot Chick Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Just curious, does anyone else out there find it a real stretch to think that a guy who is spending late hours at the office consistently and is asked by his girlfriend why he can't come home a bit early one night and he gets mad at her for asking that, could be POSSIBLY cheating? Not saying he is? Plus add on the fact that he just returned from a 9 day business trip with her and is not jumping at the chance to take off ONE hour earlier ONE night from working late to see her, and in fact snaps at her about it?
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 9, 2011 Author Posted August 9, 2011 Thank you for all the advice and feedback everyone. I really appreciate it.
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