CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 My boyfriend is away on business. He comes back on Tuesday and come that time he will be away 9 days. This evening we spoke on the phone and I asked him if he could take Wednesday out of work so we could spend time together, he said he couldn't, which I understand. But than I asked him if he could come home an hour earlier than usual so we can go to dinner or something. He said he didn't think he could leave early and I asked why. He answered me by asking why I was being so demanding. I just told him it would be nice to see him after 9 days, and he said he "didn't live to entertain me" Nice huh? The comment hurt my feelings and I told him that and than we started arguing (on the phone) and he hung up on me. Since he hung up on me, I'm obviously not going to chase him. Honestly just makes me want to avoid his calls the next 3 days and than go out the night he comes back. We have an otherwise good relationship. But now I'm just pissed off. Sometimes I feel like I'm at his mercy to spend time together. We do live together. But for him to say something like that after being gone a week...am I wrong for feeling angry?
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 And I really wasn't trying to be demanding. I just thought it would be nice to spend time together by going to dinner.
AThoughtfulMan Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 For him to comment that way is kinda harsh. That's a snappy remark if I've ever heard one. Is he a workaholic by chance? Or is there some project he has at work that has brought him a lot of stress lately? That's one thing that might make him so edgy. Asking someone to take a whole day out of work might upset them too unless you guys are comfortable financially. The only opinion I can gather in this context is that work is stressing him out, unless there is more of a background story? How was the relationship before these past couple weeks? Does he generally set aside time for you?
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 For him to comment that way is kinda harsh. That's a snappy remark if I've ever heard one. Is he a workaholic by chance? Or is there some project he has at work that has brought him a lot of stress lately? That's one thing that might make him so edgy. Asking someone to take a whole day out of work might upset them too unless you guys are comfortable financially. The only opinion I can gather in this context is that work is stressing him out, unless there is more of a background story? How was the relationship before these past couple weeks? Does he generally set aside time for you? We have a good relationship, thing have been going well. I understand taking a day out was a tall request. But I don't think him leaving work a little earlier than usual is a big deal. He is pretty important at the company he works for and does things as he wants. He is a workaholic and usually he works later than everyone else. But his answer was just rude and insensitive. Makes me not wanna be here when he returns.
LoveandSuch Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 For him to comment that way is kinda harsh. That's a snappy remark if I've ever heard one. Is he a workaholic by chance? Or is there some project he has at work that has brought him a lot of stress lately? That's one thing that might make him so edgy. Asking someone to take a whole day out of work might upset them too unless you guys are comfortable financially. The only opinion I can gather in this context is that work is stressing him out, unless there is more of a background story? How was the relationship before these past couple weeks? Does he generally set aside time for you? Ouch! That would hurt. That is quite a nasty remark. Has he spoken to you like this before? Could he be viewing it as, you live with one another, why does he need to take a whole day off work.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Ouch! That would hurt. That is quite a nasty remark. Has he spoken to you like this before? Could he be viewing it as, you live with one another, why does he need to take a whole day off work. Lets just say he isn't the most sensitive man I have ever met. Living together doesn't equal spending time together IMO. He gets home tuesday at like 10pm and than Wednesday he works until 8 or 9 and by that time I'm laying down in bed. Thats why I asked him if he could leave work at like 6..
threebyfate Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 We have a good relationship, thing have been going well. I understand taking a day out was a tall request. But I don't think him leaving work a little earlier than usual is a big deal. He is pretty important at the company he works for and does things as he wants. He is a workaholic and usually he works later than everyone else. But his answer was just rude and insensitive. Makes me not wanna be here when he returns.Sounds to me like it's time to make yourself less available to him. Go out but not to spite him. Go out and have some fun. Don't put your life on hold for someone who doesn't appreciate you.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Sounds to me like it's time to make yourself less available to him. Go out but not to spite him. Go out and have some fun. Don't put your life on hold for someone who doesn't appreciate you. How is that possible, when we live together? And if he really doesn't appreciate me than maybe I need to rethink my living arrangements
threebyfate Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 How is that possible, when we live together? And if he really doesn't appreciate me than maybe I need to rethink my living arrangementsI'm confused. What does living together have to do with having a life outside of your relationship? My husband and I don't always do everything together. While we're both social, he's a major extrovert who can be with people all the time. When he's irritating me, I tell him to find some friends to hang out with and he calls up his friends and goes out. There are also times I go out without him. Can't live in each other's pockets even though we have a son.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I'm confused. What does living together have to do with having a life outside of your relationship? My husband and I don't always do everything together. While we're both social, he's a major extrovert who can be with people all the time. When he's irritating me, I tell him to find some friends to hang out with and he calls up his friends and goes out. There are also times I go out without him. Can't live in each other's pockets even though we have a son. Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. I do agree that we should each have a separate life with our own interests. But I do have that. So I don't know how I can do it anymore than I already do..
LoveandSuch Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 How is that possible, when we live together? And if he really doesn't appreciate me than maybe I need to rethink my living arrangements Passive aggressive, emotionally and verbally abusive= pain and more pain on top of pain, I say RUN! Easier said than done though, right?
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Passive aggressive, emotionally and verbally abusive= pain and more pain on top of pain, I say RUN! Easier said than done though, right? I think that is a little dramatic...its really not like that.
LoveandSuch Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I think that is a little dramatic...its really not like that. It is not dramatic, you are on a message board, announcing that your boyfriend just told you, after you nicely suggested time together, "I do not live to entertain you," sorry, that is abusive. There are many nice ways he could of explained why he could not take time from work and spend it with you. He chose to to be rude and inconsiderate, and you mentioned that he is not the most sensitive man, however, you berating me as being dramatic when trying to be understanding= maybe the two of you make a good team.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 It is not dramatic, you are on a message board, announcing that your boyfriend just told you, after you nicely suggested time together, "I do not live to entertain you," sorry, that is abusive. There are many nice ways he could of explained why he could not take time from work and spend it with you. He chose to to be rude and inconsiderate, and you mentioned that he is not the most sensitive man, however, you berating me as being dramatic when trying to be understanding= maybe the two of you make a good team. I'm sorry you feel I was berating you. I wasn't, I just felt the comment was a little dramatic. I feel that his comment was very insensitive. Obviously, since I'm here.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 There are many nice ways he could of explained why he could not take time from work and spend it with you. He chose to to be rude and inconsiderate, You are totally right... and I won't forget his reaction anytime soon.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 If hes trying to find reasons to NOT spend the little bit of time with you that he has, then you have your answer. I would be thinking like him, where I live with you, Ill see you when I get done with this gig.... but thats taking you for granted kinda. Maybe he lost his attraction a lil bit.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 If hes trying to find reasons to NOT spend the little bit of time with you that he has, then you have your answer. I would be thinking like him, where I live with you, Ill see you when I get done with this gig.... but thats taking you for granted kinda. Maybe he lost his attraction a lil bit. I guess he needs to tell me that, if he has lost it. The taking for granted part sure is on point
FitChick Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I'd apologize and say you didn't realize he had so much pressure at work and it was silly of you to suggest going out "on a school night" when clearly he's been so busy. Why not plan something special for the two of you on the weekend, something he likes to do but hasn't or something he mentioned he'd like to do, i.e hot air balloon ride, helicopter ride, horseback ride, cycling, hiking, etc. Something where he could unwind and forget about work. At the very least have a bubble bath together and give him a great massage. These are very trying times economically not just in this country but all over the world and things will get worse before they get better. People are losing their jobs left and right and the ones who still have a job are doing the work of two people. Couple that with ambition and you can see where he's coming from. I know this because I have worked with and for high powered executives and their family life is practically nil. Learn to accept it and enjoy the financial benefits or move out and find someone less successful who will spend more time with you.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I'd apologize and say you didn't realize he had so much pressure at work and it was silly of you to suggest going out "on a school night" when clearly he's been so busy. Why not plan something special for the two of you on the weekend, something he likes to do but hasn't or something he mentioned he'd like to do, i.e hot air balloon ride, helicopter ride, horseback ride, cycling, hiking, etc. Something where he could unwind and forget about work. At the very least have a bubble bath together and give him a great massage. These are very trying times economically not just in this country but all over the world and things will get worse before they get better. People are losing their jobs left and right and the ones who still have a job are doing the work of two people. Couple that with ambition and you can see where he's coming from. I know this because I have worked with and for high powered executives and their family life is practically nil. Learn to accept it and enjoy the financial benefits or move out and find someone less successful who will spend more time with you. You have some great suggestions and I appreciate your input. You have given me some things to think about, but on the apologize part, I don't feel that I have anything to apologize for. He made the rude comment and than hung up on me...if anyone should be saying sorry I think it should be him
LoveandSuch Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 You have some great suggestions and I appreciate your input. You have given me some things to think about, but on the apologize part, I don't feel that I have anything to apologize for. He made the rude comment and than hung up on me...if anyone should be saying sorry I think it should be him I would not apologize. I endured an emotionally abusive relationship, and my mother of all people would order me, basically gave the same advice in order to make my abuser happy. I really resent her for this. I would not escalate the matter, but just watch out for your own well being. Observe more.
dasein Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 He has had other women while on his trip, that's why he is giving you attitude.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I would not apologize. I endured an emotionally abusive relationship, and my mother of all people would order me, basically gave the same advice in order to make my abuser happy. I really resent her for this. I would not escalate the matter, but just watch out for your own well being. Observe more. I don't plan on apologizing. I don't consider him an abuser but I won't sit back and allow him to say something like that and pretend everything is fine. I think I need to get very busy the next few weeks and see what comes of it when he notices we aren't spending much time together, because I'm the one that is busy.
LoveandSuch Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I don't plan on apologizing. I don't consider him an abuser but I won't sit back and allow him to say something like that and pretend everything is fine. I think I need to get very busy the next few weeks and see what comes of it when he notices we aren't spending much time together, because I'm the one that is busy. Why do you have to get busy in order for him to appreciate you? He should just appreciate you naturally without having to resort to games. I am not suggesting you are playing games, but that is what it leads to.
Author CatNtheHat Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Why do you have to get busy in order for him to appreciate you? He should just appreciate you naturally without having to resort to games. I am not suggesting you are playing games, but that is what it leads to. Yes he should appreciate me. I'm not going to play games. I'm just not going to be the one to initiate spending time together anymore
2sunny Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 you could move out before he gets home. that's what i would do. he was mean and insensitive - and wasn't considering at all how you may feel. he's been gone for 9 days and he's basically saying f-u... he's banking on you just being home to provide him sex when he gets there - but he can ignore you and have you as an after thought and you will still be home wagging your tail when he arrives. no thank you! send a message to him... move out and don't tell him. since he treats his woman with disrespect and disregard ---> she moved! there are men out there who WILL make you their priority. it's just not this guy.
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