bluenightowl Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 by being honest with the girl before you have sex with her. You're the one who has to deal with the morning-after drama when you wake up next to a girl who wants more than you're willing to give. You could avoid that if you were honest the night before. Instead of assuming that she has the same intentions as you, verbalize it. You both have a responsibility to speak up before it goes too far. Maybe she does want something casual, but maybe she doesn't. The only way to find out for sure is to ask her. It doesn't have to be a big discussion. Something as simple as "You're OK with it just being tonight, right?" will do. That's not insulting to the woman. In fact, it's considerate. I'm guessing the only reason you don't say that is because you're afraid her answer would be no, and then you wouldn't get laid. So you conveniently wait until after the fact. Sometimes talking about it doesn't matter. I've been in situations where we both talked about it before hand and afterwards and she still developed feelings. Ironically we had dated months before and she broke it off. Now that I got over that and was cool with it being casual, she seemed all mad a few weeks later that I wasn't interested in more.
Cypress25 Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 Sometimes talking about it doesn't matter. I've been in situations where we both talked about it before hand and afterwards and she still developed feelings. Ironically we had dated months before and she broke it off. Now that I got over that and was cool with it being casual, she seemed all mad a few weeks later that I wasn't interested in more. If you talked about it before and you both agreed on the same terms, then it's not your fault. Some women think they can have a casual "just sex" relationship, but then they realize they can't. Honestly, I don't know why so many women make this mistake. Maybe some women can have sex without emotion, but it's rare. They're trying to fight biology. Ladies, you have estrogen, whether you like it or not. In the presence of estrogen, the bonding hormones released during sex become much more potent. That's why women tend to get attached to their sexual partner. They can't control it. And yet, a lot of women try to convince themselves that they can have sex like men.
thehead Posted August 9, 2011 Posted August 9, 2011 No. If she expects more than a one-night stand, she should say so. This may be hard for you to understand, but some women want both. I agree that this is not the best way to start a relationship, but it also sounds like she was a bit drunk. No, you should save you from yourself, by being honest with the girl before you have sex with her. You're the one who has to deal with the morning-after drama when you wake up next to a girl who wants more than you're willing to give. You could avoid that if you were honest the night before. Instead of assuming that she has the same intentions as you, verbalize it. You both have a responsibility to speak up before it goes too far. Maybe she does want something casual, but maybe she doesn't. The only way to find out for sure is to ask her. It doesn't have to be a big discussion. Something as simple as "You're OK with it just being tonight, right?" will do. That's not insulting to the woman. In fact, it's considerate. I'm guessing the only reason you don't say that is because you're afraid her answer would be no, and then you wouldn't get laid. So you conveniently wait until after the fact. Did I bang you and not call you? Because you're sure acting like it! You don't even KNOW me and you're assuming the worst. Tells us all a little something about you. *smh* Rock on.
Cypress25 Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 Did I bang you and not call you? Because you're sure acting like it! No sir, I only have sex in committed relationships. I've never had casual sex and never will. You don't even KNOW me and you're assuming the worst. All I know about you is what you write in this thread. And I've come to logical conclusions based on what you've written. I'm not mad at you, hon, I'm just pointing out the obvious truth. You kind of sound like one of those trailer trash guests on Jenny Jones, walking out on stage yelling at the audience "Y'all don't know me!" Besides, I'm not assuming the worst. There are worse things a guy could do. Tells us all a little something about you. This thread isn't about me. It's not my fault that you shared too much. It's nothing personal, I just picked up on what you wrote and pointed out the fallacy in your thinking. I do that when I notice someone trying to justify behavior that they know is wrong.
thehead Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 No sir, I only have sex in committed relationships. I've never had casual sex and never will. All I know about you is what you write in this thread. And I've come to logical conclusions based on what you've written. I'm not mad at you, hon, I'm just pointing out the obvious truth. You kind of sound like one of those trailer trash guests on Jenny Jones, walking out on stage yelling at the audience "Y'all don't know me!" Besides, I'm not assuming the worst. There are worse things a guy could do. This thread isn't about me. It's not my fault that you shared too much. It's nothing personal, I just picked up on what you wrote and pointed out the fallacy in your thinking. I do that when I notice someone trying to justify behavior that they know is wrong. Okay, yeah I did bang you.
zlatnapolja Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 A lot of people especially women seem to despise men who just want sex and nothing else. But what is inherently wrong with that? Why is wanting sex any worse than wanting a relationship? I think wanting relationship from men who only want sex is no less selfish than wanting only sex from women who want relationship. I mean many guys are forced to be in a relationship simply because it is the only way they can get sex and most people see this as acceptable. On the other hand when a woman puts up with being a bootycall because it is the only way for her to have at least some relationship with a man, suddenly everyone thinks the man is a jerk. I think you are the male version of a feminist. If you just want sex, you'll have to find someone that wants the same thing. Not a lot of women want this, but of course some of them do;) If not, you could always try dating another guy. Nothing wrong with just wanting to have sex, but be honest from the beginning.
zengirl Posted August 10, 2011 Posted August 10, 2011 A lot of people especially women seem to despise men who just want sex and nothing else. But what is inherently wrong with that? Nothing is wrong with it, so long as you're honest and upfront about what you want and don't mislead or hurt others to get it (as many others in this thread have said). I'm friends with a couple big-time players who are also really good guys and awesome friends and even nice to women. A lot of players, however, are misogynistic types who think women who have sex are dirty BUT only want sex and not a relationship. That seems like it would create a toxic psychology where you're basically having sex with people you have active contempt for. . . and I think that's kind of gross. But just wanting sex and not being into anything serious is fine, and I know many men and women who've passed through that phase at times but are great people. Why is wanting sex any worse than wanting a relationship? I don't know that I'd phrase it this way, but I think it's certainly a more shallow form of interaction and doesn't carry with it the "good" things I'd associate with wanting a relationship. Wanting sex = wanting peanut butter ice cream. There's nothing wrong with it, but nothing inherently good, noble, or meaningful in it either. It's neutral. Wanting a happy, healthy, productive relationship and to share your life with a partner and support them in their trials and find support through yours seems a bit more meaningful and worthy of celebration than that, I will say. But that may only be my POV on the matter. I think wanting relationship from men who only want sex is no less selfish than wanting only sex from women who want relationship. Totally. And stupid as well. Go find a man who wants a relationship with you if you want a relationship, is what I'll always tell gals (or guys in the reverse 500 Days of Summer type effect). I mean many guys are forced to be in a relationship simply because it is the only way they can get sex and most people see this as acceptable. Well, if that's the only way they can get sex, too bad so sad. There are plenty of women who have NSA sex. In some countries and cities, prostitution is legal; it's accessible other places. I definitely don't think anyone who doesn't want to have a relationship should have to have one, but I also think that anyone should "get sex" (or particularly lie to get it) from someone who wants a relationship and not NSA or fling/short term sex. Re: Bootycalls I don't think the man is a jerk if the girl is obviously perpetuating a bootycall situation. That **** is on her. Jerks are the guys who go after a nice girl, take her out, act like they want something more, and then make her a notch on the bedpost. Those are also the guys who mess it up for the genuinely awesome guys out there. If he's calling her at 1am, and she's not catching on that it's not going anywhere but Bootycall land, she's simply in denial.
Recommended Posts