Cheating has become more and more common. I feel like I won't ever find a decent guy

August 6, 2011

So far in two of my relationships I was cheated on, and although the "relationship" that I am in now is not official, I feel like what he has done was cheating as well.

My dad is old and wise, and keeps telling me I need to date men older who are about 25-30 because they are more mature and more likely to be over the party stage and the moments where they don't find theirself ready to fet serious. I am only 21 and feel like that is too old for me. Is it really hard to find a guy who is my age and wants what I want?

I am starting to lose all faith. I have had arguments with my dad by defending the younger generations of men. Just because I ended up with bad ones so far does not mean every young guy has a cheating tendency. I think it is all pick and choose and guessing. I hear all the time marriages being split because men have affairs. So the age is not really that much to do with it in my opinion. Or is my dad right?

Now, men... keep in mind I am not ruling out women being cheaters as well as men. I am just making this thread because I am seeking a male audience. Though women are surely welcome to input

I just feel like I will keep getting crappy men. They start out so great and tell me they would never cheat but end up doing it. What the hell is wrong with people? I literally cannot comprehend how someone could even look at another person with lust yet claim to be in love with their partner.

I have had many opportunities to cheat but NEVER once would ever do it. Why can't people just enjoy what they have and if they don't... end it and THEN pursue the other interest?

August 6, 2011

If you're consistently coming across cheaters, I have news for you: It's not the men. It's you. Your people picker is off.

Of all my short- and long-term relationships, I've only been cheated on once. That one experience opened my eyes up enough to know how to spot them in the future.

August 7, 2011

If you dont want a guy who cheats on you, you can always get a fat ugly guy who doesnt have options to cheat with. Its just like a guy who doesnt wanna have to spend a lot of money on a woman, he can always get the fat ugly girl who expects nothing and happy enough just to have someone.

August 7, 2011

I agree with your dad. Older men have sowed their wild oats and are more ready to settle down and be responsible.

Then again, I also agree with you. This is why; people don't change much. I'm in my mid 30's and I wouldn't be prone to cheat anymore today than I was when I was 18. It's just the person and their integrity at the end of the day. Age does play some role in it but it's not everything.

My first guess is that you don't have very good taste in men. You are not smart enough yet to pick out the "bad boys" from the "good boys." In fact, I'd bet 10-1 odds that you're romantically attracted to the "bad boys." Fret not, you'll learn someday after you've been run over and abused enough times.

August 7, 2011

Star Gazer-

No one can spot a cheater. Not in the beginning if his behavior is as loving and caring as you could ever hope for. People can be quite tricky. And even the people who don't think they would ever cheat, could cheat.

August 7, 2011

I agree with your dad. Older men have sowed their wild oats and are more ready to settle down and be responsible.

Then again, I also agree with you. This is why; people don't change much. I'm in my mid 30's and I wouldn't be prone to cheat anymore today than I was when I was 18. It's just the person and their integrity at the end of the day. Age does play some role in it but it's not everything.

My first guess is that you don't have very good taste in men. You are not smart enough yet to pick out the "bad boys" from the "good boys." In fact, I'd bet 10-1 odds that you're romantically attracted to the "bad boys." Fret not, you'll learn someday after you've been run over and abused enough times.

I hate the bad guys. I go for the *seemingly* sweet and honest men. The ones who don't want to immediately jump my bones. Everything goes great until it out of the blue strikes.

August 7, 2011

Star Gazer-

No one can spot a cheater. Not in the beginning if his behavior is as loving and caring as you could ever hope for. People can be quite tricky. And even the people who don't think they would ever cheat, could cheat.

I disagree.

August 7, 2011

I hate the bad guys. I go for the *seemingly* sweet and honest men. The ones who don't want to immediately jump my bones. Everything goes great until it out of the blue strikes.

I got news for you, I KNOW women who continually date the same type of guy & keep getting cheated on & sound just like you.

But guess what? I meet these guys at a work happy hr & I can just tell from the way their eyeballing other chicks, or the way they subtly flirt with other women that it won't last long.

Meanwhile actual decent guys showing interest in these girls are ignored or friendzoned.

Sorry, OP, but you are attracted to jerks.

August 7, 2011

I've dated a lot of guys and have never once been cheated on, so I can assure you there are decent guys out there! You don't have to date older if you don't want to - I know that at 21 I certainly wouldn't have been interested in a 30 year old. And I don't agree that older guys are less likely to cheat than younger guys anyway. Judging by your other thread, you put up with extremely ****ty behavior from the guys you date, so it's not surprising that they then go and cheat on you.

August 7, 2011

I've been a proponent of wingmen for women for some time. Why? Because guys often don't hold back when talking to other guys. You can have your wingmen sort the decent guys from the rotten apples.

Lots of women are by definition bad at picking men. A scientific study has shown that when women ovulate, then during that time they feel attracted to the most aggressive looking men. Incidentally such guys have the most testosterone and hence the highest sex drive.

Guys pick up on another guy's aggressiveness immediately. In fact there's a study which concluded that when 2 men who have never met each other meet for the first time, the first thing they unconsciously do is make a risk assessment of the other guy. Men are biologically wired to do that. While a guy might consider another guy aggressive looking, a woman could find that same aggressive looking guy "cute". I think that's why you hear so many guys say that women are attracted to @ssholes, which from the perspective of men might actually be a valid viewpoint.

August 7, 2011

I got news for you, I KNOW women who continually date the same type of guy & keep getting cheated on & sound just like you.

But guess what? I meet these guys at a work happy hr & I can just tell from the way their eyeballing other chicks, or the way they subtly flirt with other women that it won't last long.

Meanwhile actual decent guys showing interest in these girls are ignored or friendzoned.

Sorry, OP, but you are attracted to jerks.

Disagree. Appreciated input but for me it is not the same.

No men I have been with were ever *******s, abusive, or a jerk. They were caring and sweet. All my friends and family thought they were all perfect and that we were perfect together. That is why when both cheated it was a shock. None of them ever really eyeballed any chicks around me. My last ex begged me to forgive him and told me he wasn't like that and just made one stupid mistake. He still won't leave me alone.

If people were easily spotted as cheaters, then why is it that so MANY many people are cheated on and it becomes such a shock? If cheaters could be so easily spotted... then why do they even have the chance to cheat?

August 7, 2011

Disagree. Appreciated input but for me it is not the same.

No men I have been with were ever *******s, abusive, or a jerk. They were caring and sweet. All my friends and family thought they were all perfect and that we were perfect together. That is why when both cheated it was a shock. None of them ever really eyeballed any chicks around me. My last ex begged me to forgive him and told me he wasn't like that and just made one stupid mistake. He still won't leave me alone.

If people were easily spotted as cheaters, then why is it that so MANY many people are cheated on and it becomes such a shock? If cheaters could be so easily spotted... then why do they even have the chance to cheat?

Ok. good luck.

August 7, 2011

I know tons of guys who are great boyfriends to their long term girlfriends, I'm currently dating one of those guys. But most girls aren't attracted to them because they don't party and are seen as too "nerdy". Have you broadened your dating possibilities by dating different types of guys? Guys who are interested in different things? There are plenty of great guys your age, you just have to be open minded. The guys who like to party a lot are the guys who cheat most often, at least thats what I've noticed.

August 7, 2011

I know tons of guys who are great boyfriends to their long term girlfriends, I'm currently dating one of those guys. But most girls aren't attracted to them because they don't party and are seen as too "nerdy". Have you broadened your dating possibilities by dating different types of guys? Guys who are interested in different things? There are plenty of great guys your age, you just have to be open minded. The guys who like to party a lot are the guys who cheat most often, at least thats what I've noticed.

I can agree. The hot pricky types mostly cheat. None of which ai have ever been into. I have dated nerds, my last ex was a nerd and not the most attractive thing out there. But his personality was cute. I have never dated a partier. I am currently involved with a guy who parties and already he has slept with other girls and that appears as the cheating type already. But even the cutesy and innocent looking guys can cheat. That is why I am losing faith.

My bff's cousin was engaged to her fiancee for a while. He just cheated on her on his camping trip. He's fat and ugly.

August 7, 2011

I can agree. The hot pricky types mostly cheat. None of which ai have ever been into. I have dated nerds, my last ex was a nerd and not the most attractive thing out there. But his personality was cute. I have never dated a partier. I am currently involved with a guy who parties and already he has slept with other girls and that appears as the cheating type already. But even the cutesy and innocent looking guys can cheat. That is why I am losing faith.

My bff's cousin was engaged to her fiancee for a while. He just cheated on her on his camping trip. He's fat and ugly.

By involved I mean seeing him on a daily basis but he won't commit.

August 7, 2011

I can agree. The hot pricky types mostly cheat. None of which ai have ever been into. I have dated nerds, my last ex was a nerd and not the most attractive thing out there. But his personality was cute. I have never dated a partier. I am currently involved with a guy who parties and already he has slept with other girls and that appears as the cheating type already. But even the cutesy and innocent looking guys can cheat. That is why I am losing faith.

My bff's cousin was engaged to her fiancee for a while. He just cheated on her on his camping trip. He's fat and ugly.

I'm certainly not saying nerdy guys don't cheat, they do sometimes. My point was try dating guys from all different types of social groups, thats your best bet at finding a guy who will treat you right.

August 7, 2011

I can see the point in a lot of the previous poster's comments. Including the original poster's.

Older guys are more like to really have a hold on who they are, their moral guidelines and standards, and what they want out of their life. They are more like to have the stability that maturity can bring.

That doesn't mean that there aren't any younger guys who are stable. It's just less likely to find stability in them because they're still trying to figure out a lot of things about themselves and about life. If you find a strong enough connection with a young guy then they're fully capable of stepping up and being faithful. If you're just someone they think is hott and fun.... they'll eventually notice other girls who are hott and fun as well.

It's all about that connection that brings the faithfulness out in them. Young or old, attractive or not as attractive.

The "game of love" really IS risky -_-

August 7, 2011

Tasha, you're 21. You're clearly sweet and you have a lot of love to offer any guy. I'm guessing you're probably also cute if not downright hot. In short, you're a catch. There is absolutely no reason for you to put up with any guy who cheats. They cheat? They're out.

Reading this thread and your last one, I'm left wondering if your problem is that you're too nice. So nice that guys take you for granted and think you'll let them get away with cheating. Any chance that's the truth?

August 7, 2011

I got news for you, I KNOW women who continually date the same type of guy & keep getting cheated on & sound just like you.

But guess what? I meet these guys at a work happy hr & I can just tell from the way their eyeballing other chicks, or the way they subtly flirt with other women that it won't last long.

Meanwhile actual decent guys showing interest in these girls are ignored or friendzoned.

Sorry, OP, but you are attracted to jerks.

She just doesn't understand how men talk about women when other women aren't around. It even makes me blush. Sad but true.

August 7, 2011

Tasha, you're 21. You're clearly sweet and you have a lot of love to offer any guy. I'm guessing you're probably also cute if not downright hot. In short, you're a catch. There is absolutely no reason for you to put up with any guy who cheats. They cheat? They're out.

Reading this thread and your last one, I'm left wondering if your problem is that you're too nice. So nice that guys take you for granted and think you'll let them get away with cheating. Any chance that's the truth?

But, if she's hot, what kind of guy would cheat on her? A jerk. that can get other hot women. Yet she still chooses to associate with these guys.

Us men have a saying, don't try to turn a whore into a housewife. What it means is when a woman treats you bad & shows you respect don't GF her.

Op is doing pretty much the same with men. Let 'em go. They are jerks, aholes, badboys, ect. no matter what label you use they all are disresepctful.

August 7, 2011

But, if she's hot, what kind of guy would cheat on her? A jerk. that can get other hot women. Yet she still chooses to associate with these guys.

Us men have a saying, don't try to turn a whore into a housewife. What it means is when a woman treats you bad & shows you respect don't GF her.

Op is doing pretty much the same with men. Let 'em go. They are jerks, aholes, badboys, ect. no matter what label you use they all are disresepctful.

I would rather myself be considered as pretty than hot I get both but I mean come on... not all attractive women have a cheater for a partner. That seems to be what you're implying?

And I agree in a sense that the men are jerks... in the end. But at first they are just as kind and considerate as a guy who wouldn't cheat. I cannot knowingly separate the good from the bad. No one can. That is why marriages constantly lead to divorce. And the innocent is typically left in shock.

August 7, 2011

Women are just as bad but that is another thread.

I would just develop your man picking skills. No good men are pretty easy to spot if you know what to look for.

August 7, 2011

Tasha, you're 21. You're clearly sweet and you have a lot of love to offer any guy. I'm guessing you're probably also cute if not downright hot. In short, you're a catch. There is absolutely no reason for you to put up with any guy who cheats. They cheat? They're out.

Reading this thread and your last one, I'm left wondering if your problem is that you're too nice. So nice that guys take you for granted and think you'll let them get away with cheating. Any chance that's the truth?

You know... I have been told my whole life I am too nice. I don't have a mean bone in my body. So you may be somewhat correct in the fact that men could take advantage of me.

I hate being nice but to be mean even once in a while really does not sit well with me. I have never once raised my voice in a relationship. Only because most women I know are bitches to their men and constantly yell and nag their men to death.

So I do agree I am too nice but I feel like people would be lucky to have niceness in a relationship. I do know when to put my foot down but it is usually in a nice way instead of mean.

August 7, 2011

Women are just as bad but that is another thread.

I would just develop your man picking skills. No good men are pretty easy to spot if you know what to look for.

Completely agree women are just as guilty. But I didn't want this to be about women because I wouldn't be able to get the right advice.

And... I guess I'll try. Though I thought I already had.

August 7, 2011

Women are just as bad but that is another thread.

I would just develop your man picking skills. No good men are pretty easy to spot if you know what to look for.

And good women are easy to spot too... but I won't get into the specifics as that could start a firestorm of anti-stereotyping. Sometimes stereotyping is your best friend when it comes to dating. Just my opinion.

OK I'm just going to go with this... if I see a girl with half her body parts showing, tramp stamp, belly ring, dancing around the floor with 20 men.... that is a girl that would NEVER get my number no matter how hot she is. A bit of exaggerating but you get my point.

Edited August 7, 2011 by youngskywalker

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Cheating has become more and more common. I feel like I won't ever find a decent guy

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