cybclimb Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 So I have this ex GF that I dated for 3 months and broke up with me back in June. I was devastated when it happened and my first reaction was to get her back but she basically told me that she doesn't want to continue seeing me. I went NC and LC with her. By stroke of chance, we bumped into each other last month, had a small talk, and then invited me for happy hour. But we both have a busy schedule so it didn't happen until last night aug 5th. We went out for a couple of drinks and then had sushi afterwards. It feels like old times again, we were joking around and were flirty with each other! She even gave me the stare (where we would look at each other's eyes for minutes) which we normally do before the breakup. At the end of our dinner, I told her that I want to be frank with her and proceeded by dropping an A-bomb by telling her that I am dating her neighbor which lives just a block over on the same street where she lives. She asked for her name and I skipped the answer and only told her that they have a mutual friend and they probably know each other. She congratulated me by saying "good for you" and commenting that this is such a small town! I said thanks but I told her its too early to tell if I really like this new girl... We'll see. Just don't think that I am stalking you if you see my car parked in your neighborhood! So I walked her to her car and we hugged and suddenly she KISSED ME on the lips. I was taken aback... So I pulled back and asked "why did you kiss me?" (I thought we were just hanging out as friends so this was totally unexpected) I didn't wait for her answer and immediately kissed her back with passion. We kissed several times more until she got in to her car. And she gave me that STARE again! I know that alot of you would tell me to not have my hopes high. I don't even know if I want her back in my life. But I enjoy her company immensely. In fairness with the new girl (the neighbor), I enjoy her company as well and wouldn't mind having a relationship with her. I guess my question is if I made the right decision by telling her that I am dating her neighbor? I know that's going to make her jealous. My worry is that instead of that jealousy that will make her want me more with the hopes that we might actually get back together, it might push her away from me. But I have given her indication that her door is not closed, by wanting to see her again (we already arranged to watch a show the next weekend). I know that she still likes me (action speaks louder than words) and when I asked her earlier how's her lovelife, she told me none! So that gave me an indication that she's not dating anyone after me! Any thoughts on this are appreciated.
westrock Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Is the A-Bomb that you're dating again or that you're dating someone from her neighbourhood? I didn't wait for her answer and immediately kissed her back with passion. We kissed several times more until she got in to her car. Isn't that cheating on your current girlfriend? You are not being fair to your new girlfriend.
Author cybclimb Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 That I'm dating a her neighbor.... She probably didn't expect that after a great evening I would reveal something like that at the end. I really didn't know what's her motivation by wanting to see me again. She initiated it even though she broke up with me in the first place. But I proved a point to her - my ability to move on despite the fact that I struggled to cope post breakup. At this point I wouldn't consider it cheating as the new girl and I only had our third date this morning. And the new girl knows that I had a history with her neighbor down the street. However I kinda lied to her last thursday when she asked me what my plans for friday and I said I'm going out with a friend. Of course I can't say that I'm meeting my ex GF (the meeting was arranged weeks before we even met). But in due time if we ever get to the stage that we become exclusive that I would have to tell her about that meeting. At this point If ever my plan backfires and the ex GF decides not to see me again, then I guess that would be the end of it. I am just wondering why she even kissed me? I guess it is some sort of residual intimacy. But I'm glad it happened as I was crazy about this girl and I didn't expect at all that I will ever kiss her again after our breakup.
mr.goodguy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 If your relationship with the girl you are dating finally gets to the point where you two are a couple, you do not need to tell your current girl about this encounter. You are in the stage of 'playing the field' as women call it...you are trying to find a suitable partner. Women do this all the time! If we knew of every encounter they had (the women) prior to you becoming exclusive, it'd probably cripple a man (emotionally). Its there way to find the best partner. I personally would not bring this story up...although be careful of your ex's intentions. Since you both know the neighbour she could use this to as ammo in the future to break you guys up. Since you guys broke up in June...how have your changed yourself? Just curious if you've improved your situation and she sees that your grass is greener than original suspected. (GIGS reference) (good work on moving on..definitely a strong trait to have...she probably had a rebound which failed...) It is clear you are not over your ex. So be aware of your focus...don't want to half a$s focus on each woman and lost both in the end.
Author cybclimb Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Since you guys broke up in June...how have your changed yourself? Just curious if you've improved your situation and she sees that your grass is greener than original suspected. (GIGS reference) (good work on moving on..definitely a strong trait to have...she probably had a rebound which failed...) It is clear you are not over your ex. So be aware of your focus...don't want to half a$s focus on each woman and lost both in the end. You are right. I will be the first one to admit that I am not over her. In my view, the only way to overcome that is to have a real relationship with a girl that you really care for and love. I am not yet at that point. But I have dated several girls since we broke up. The new girl seems to be the most suitable for me. However, she's about to adopt a kid from Russia and that's scaring me big time. But that's another story. Yeah I suspect GIGS in her case. She probably had a rebound after our breakup which failed and realized that I am a better guy. We became connected in Linkedin and she probably got reminded of my resume that I am highly educated (2 bachelors, 1 masters, and going for my 2nd masters next year) compared to her other dates. She actually asked me questions about my plans on going back to school next year and I told her that I will be pinching pennies as we are not allowed to work during the intense 2 year (anesthesia) program. But it is a good return of investment as the pay is really good for that particular work. So yeah she probably realized that I am potentially a better partner. But of course that is just my theory.
mr.goodguy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 You are right. I will be the first one to admit that I am not over her. In my view, the only way to overcome that is to have a real relationship with a girl that you really care for and love. Completely agree...new love conquers old hate I am not yet at that point. But I have dated several girls since we broke up. The new girl seems to be the most suitable for me. Suitable might not be the right word...ahah...sounds like settling, you know,. However, she's about to adopt a kid from Russia and that's scaring me big time. But that's another story. You that could throw a huge wrench into the mix. Some people it could work for them... Yeah I suspect GIGS in her case. She probably had a rebound after our breakup which failed and realized that I am a better guy. We became connected in Linkedin and she probably got reminded of my resume that I am highly educated (2 bachelors, 1 masters, and going for my 2nd masters next year) compared to her other dates. She actually asked me questions about my plans on going back to school next year and I told her that I will be pinching pennies as we are not allowed to work during the intense 2 year (anesthesia) program. But it is a good return of investment as the pay is really good for that particular work. So yeah she probably realized that I am potentially a better partner. But of course that is just my theory. Success is the best revenge, my friend. Do your thing. Just don't forget to smile and wave to your ex when you drive by in your Ferrari.
lalalandman Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Dude really??? She loved the fact that she got you all riled up and even doubting your possible relationship with that other girl. Scandalous!!! That's all she is dude....
Author cybclimb Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Dude really??? She loved the fact that she got you all riled up and even doubting your possible relationship with that other girl. Scandalous!!! That's all she is dude.... That may be the case but I have the upper hand here. I am the one with a new girl. If her intention is to throw me a few breadcrumbs and hoping that I would fall for it, she's mistaken. Unless she says that "I want you back" or something in that derivative, then thats the only time that I would even consider pursuing her again. Otherwise whatever her actions are, they are only smokes and mirrors.
mr.goodguy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 She broke up with you...she needs to pursue YOU if anything ever comes from it. The words "I want you back" shouldn't be enough. Side question, and actually the most important topic of this thread...if your current girlfriend is gonna adopt a child from Russian, is that her assuming you are going to be there physically and financially to help out? If that is the assumption, you need to have a conversation with your girl and make it clear what is happening. I have no idea what is needed in the adoption process, other than Angelina Jolie makes it look pretty easy, but if you are needed to sign documents, you may be legally bound to the child. Just be careful. It would be wise to have a serious conversation sooner rather than later. However, if she wants to adopt no matter what...that is her choice. Just don't string your gf along in hopes your ex comes running back. Equally, don't string your current girl just to have someone and then drop her once the child gets over here.
Author cybclimb Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Just don't string your gf along in hopes your ex comes running back. Equally, don't string your current girl just to have someone and then drop her once the child gets over here. That's what I'm afraid of would happen. i played it over and over in my head and I know its going to be a zero-sum game - someone is going to get hurt if this continues as it is. And you know what? That person could be me! So yes it is a calculated risk. And no Im not signing any papers so legally I am not obligated to support the child. I actually raised that whole adoption issue with her last thursday. I asked her if she would still have time to date me if ever her adopted kid comes here. She answered me with a question - have you dated a single mom before? Yes I did. So she said its the same thing... But I replied that all my relationships with single moms almost did not worked out. Heck I even dated someone with 3 little kids and swear to God I loved those kids to death, but in the end I didn't love their mom that much to continue with the relationship. I would genuinely stick around if the relationship is going great, whether there is an adopted kid or not. But I would expect that she shows that I am still an equal priority for her. How she manages to become both a mom and a girlfriend at the same time is entirely up to her. But I am willing to support her emotionally and physically on her decision. But like I said before, I am not yet at that point.
mr.goodguy Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 how old are you and your girlfriend? how long have you been dating for?
Author cybclimb Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 I am in my mid thirties and she's in her late thirties. And we just started dating since last month.
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