Dua Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I feel like although I am healing only from the outside...I have been going to the gym, lost a lot of weight, i look great. I have been going out with new friends and connecting with old ones. I found a great job and im moving to a great new city. If you see me im all smiles and im having great luck attracting new men. But i feel like im not healing from the inside. And i can't fake that. It still hurts and i cant stop thinking about my ex. I have maintained NC, and it is helping a lot. But im worried because its so easy to tell if some one is healing from the outside, but the inner stuff is harder to figure out. The last time me and my ex broke up, he came back after 6 months (all NC) and i took him back without any hesitation. At that time i had just been waiting for a call. But this time is different, i want to move on and i want to leave him in my past. But im worried although it may look like im over him, deep down is a whole different story. And if he comes back i jump into the same mess due to not investing time in healing the right way. How can i improve my inner healing? emotionally and mentally? practice self control and push away all thoughts that come to mind of him?
Nohbody Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Mind and body are intrinsically connected, so don't think that what you are doing for your meat sheath isn't also affecting your electrical activity. What you are experiencing is normal, it's going to take time and the willingness to sever those ties that bind.
lovesickmonkey Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Meat sheath!!! Ha ha ha ha. It's true though. The outside heals, the inside will follow. Socializing is eventually going to heal you too. You might feel like you're going through the motions now but eventually the motions will be natural.
Thieves Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 You have to give it time. Time, time, time. I know it sounds so cliche, but it's true. You can't expect to just buff up at the gym and walk out like a totally healed person. Doesn't work like that, though I wish it did. I feel like although I am healing only from the outside...I have been going to the gym, lost a lot of weight, i look great. I have been going out with new friends and connecting with old ones. I found a great job and im moving to a great new city... That's great! Keep doing this, please. Keep working out, keep looking great, keep hanging out with friends. You're taking the right steps, it's just your heart that has to follow in line. If you see me im all smiles and im having great luck attracting new men. Alright, alright... slow your roll, Joel (yes, I realize that's not your actual name ). Attracting men is awesome, great even. And I know it's giving you a wonderful ego boost right now, but take that for all it is: an ego boost. Since you said you're not healed in the inside yet, do not feel like just because you're healed on the outisde that it's a sign to go getting into a new relationship - even if they're just flings. You've got a strong outer shell but you're still broken pieces inside. Wait until you've at least sealed those cracks together before you start thinking about men besides just attracting them. But i feel like im not healing from the inside. And i can't fake that. Okay, so don't. Don't fake it by all means. You have to realize that getting up every morning and forcing a smile on your face and at least trying to be happy, isn't faking. It's putting in the effort to be happy and normal again. Just like you were before this heartbreak all happened. As long as YOU'RE being real with yourself and realize that even though you look good on the outside you're still hurting on the inside, as long as you ADMIT that to yourself and you're actually working to fix that, then you're on the right track. However if you were just getting up every day and being all smiles, pretending that everything's alright and denying that you're still broken on the inside, then you're faking it. That is a no-no The last time me and my ex broke up, he came back after 6 months (all NC) and i took him back without any hesitation. At that time i had just been waiting for a call. But this time is different, i want to move on and i want to leave him in my past. You're right, this time is different. Don't worry about if you'll fall back into the same trap as last time, because like you said yourself, this time is different. Imprint that phrase on your mind every time you think about going back to your ex, or responding to him in any way. You've literally drawn the line this time and you've set your boundary, so now you can actually work on healing from the inside. When you set yourself apart from what you did in the past and work on healing yourself for the future, you're doing something right. But im worried although it may look like im over him, deep down is a whole different story. Why are you worried about what you look like to others? It seems like this is part of the problem, you're too worried about what he/she/the ex will think when they see you being 'happy'. Don't. You're happy with your body/image, aren't you? Okay, then you're halfway there. You're not totally faking it. Like I said, if you believe in it long enough, your mind/heart will eventually fall in line with what you are on the outside. And there's nothing wrong with being strong on the outside when you need to. You just have to keep movin' along doing all the motions, all the while looking deep inside yourself to figure out why you're still broken and doing what you can to fix that. You don't always have to let people see that you're down all the time. And if he comes back i jump into the same mess due to not investing time in healing the right way. How can i improve my inner healing? emotionally and mentally? practice self control and push away all thoughts that come to mind of him? But you won't jump back into the same mess, remember? Because this time it's a different story. You said that yourself, right? Which means that if he does come back, you'll be able to pull yourself away, no matter how sweet he talks or no matter how much convincing he does. It's trial and error. You've already seen what happens when you go back to him. So try a different route this time. You can improve your inner healing by letting go of your dependence on him; going total NC for a while; work on becoming secure with yourself, whether that's by setting goals at your new job or doing new activities you've always wanted to do. Look, the thoughts of him might always be there - even people who have moved on totally still have thoughts. No shame. It's how you react and your actions to those thoughts that matter the most. It's all about defining yourself as a single person again and being alright with who you are, man or no man.
reimeivn Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 nohbody and lvoesickmonkey are right. keep doing the right things and the mind will heal. it just takes a lot of time, and a lot of things, you know, things that build you an entire new life without him in it, a life that you are happy to have.
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