lonelynyc Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 This is the first time I have been here in a while. You see, I walked back through those same doors everyone told me to close, lock, and dead-bolt for good. I thought I would be the exception, the one from LS to get everything I lost back. I'm now 100% sure Fitzgerald was right about there being no 2nd acts in American lives. After being dumped and having only occasional contact with my ex, we started spending a lot more time together last week. We weren't officially back together, but we were sleeping in the same bed and even getting intimate. On Saturday she asked me to walk her dog for her because she had to go out of town. After that, didn't really talk to her all of this week. Today I texted her to ask if she wanted to hang out, and she very curtly told me she wasn't sure because we're not together anymore. I feel like she knew at the beginning of the week she no longer wanted to have anything to do with me. The fact that I had to ask her if she wanted to hang out to discover she was ready for full NC mode is ****ty, I feel very disrespected and hurt--didn't even have the decency to come to me about needing to be NC. She didn't give me the time to become fully resentful of her... Now though, I feel like I have enough vitriol coursing through my veins that at some point soon I will fully despise her. I think that's important, I wanted her back and she was able to manipulate and toy with me based on that. Right now it stings though and I feel crushed, yet again... What should I do? I wasn't at this point any time in the past month, but now I feel like I need to hook up with someone fast, I'm that angry with the situation and at myself for being such a fool for love. Bad idea?
bioriaintop Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Watch Full Super 8 (LQ) Movie In Hd Watch Futurama - Season Six Movie Full full Letters to Juliet movie downloads How To Download Sammy's Adventures: The Secret Passage The Film Dvd Your Highness Download High Quality The Kids Are All Right Film
Author lonelynyc Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 Anyone have advice? I'm in a whole lot of pain. This is just one lonely Saturday night.
Kilty Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Sorry to hear how it worked out. As for advice i think you know already within yourself that you have to give up and give her what she deserves - absolutely sod all. Totally disconnect her from your life - lose all her contact details, and i really mean lose them. Use your anger to ensure you dont contact her ever again and reply to nothing unless it's a full blown apology and i want you back etc. Thats how you get your sort of vengeance - you completely ignore her from now on as i dare say you will hear from her eventually. She thinks you will be available to her whenever she feels like it You are her doormat Show her that you are not Embrace being single and get out and discover the exciting things and new girls that await you - who wont treat you this way
sookiie Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 yup its a bad idea..cos u'll b hookin up 4 al d wrong reasons..u'll end up feelin more hurt..jus maintain NC frm nw on ok..don fall into her trap again..
jchips Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 lonely, I'm in no position to give advice because if I were you, I would have done the exact same thing. But just know there are a lot of people out there in your same situation at this very moment, me being one of them. My pain is not as fresh as yours right now but man, I know how bad it feels. Me, I'm taking my lonely self out to the movies tonight. And I plan on having a nice time all by myself.... Hang in there, lonely. Hang in there.
Author lonelynyc Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 yup its a bad idea..cos u'll b hookin up 4 al d wrong reasons..u'll end up feelin more hurt..jus maintain NC frm nw on ok..don fall into her trap again.. I think that's good advice. going out there and just trying to get a girl in the sack is not who I am. I'd end up feeling worse about myself than I already do right now. I'm not even ready to date, I'd just end up messing things up.
Author lonelynyc Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 lonely, I'm in no position to give advice because if I were you, I would have done the exact same thing. But just know there are a lot of people out there in your same situation at this very moment, me being one of them. My pain is not as fresh as yours right now but man, I know how bad it feels. Me, I'm taking my lonely self out to the movies tonight. And I plan on having a nice time all by myself.... Hang in there, lonely. Hang in there. I did something similar, went to the movies with my kid sister tonight. My former relationship really consumed so much of my time, so many of my thoughts, I didn't appreciate other aspects of my life. I lost sight of the family and friends that do care about me. It's going to be a long road back to clarity and peace again but maybe the answer is turning to the people that are still here for me.
wilsonx Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 This is the first time I have been here in a while. You see, I walked back through those same doors everyone told me to close, lock, and dead-bolt for good. I thought I would be the exception, the one from LS to get everything I lost back. I'm now 100% sure Fitzgerald was right about there being no 2nd acts in American lives. After being dumped and having only occasional contact with my ex, we started spending a lot more time together last week. We weren't officially back together, but we were sleeping in the same bed and even getting intimate. On Saturday she asked me to walk her dog for her because she had to go out of town. After that, didn't really talk to her all of this week. Today I texted her to ask if she wanted to hang out, and she very curtly told me she wasn't sure because we're not together anymore. I feel like she knew at the beginning of the week she no longer wanted to have anything to do with me. The fact that I had to ask her if she wanted to hang out to discover she was ready for full NC mode is ****ty, I feel very disrespected and hurt--didn't even have the decency to come to me about needing to be NC. She didn't give me the time to become fully resentful of her... Now though, I feel like I have enough vitriol coursing through my veins that at some point soon I will fully despise her. I think that's important, I wanted her back and she was able to manipulate and toy with me based on that. Right now it stings though and I feel crushed, yet again... What should I do? I wasn't at this point any time in the past month, but now I feel like I need to hook up with someone fast, I'm that angry with the situation and at myself for being such a fool for love. Bad idea? Did you do something wrong, possibly by going back to her. But like everyone here, myself included. No matter all the advice that we get from people on the forums, we have to learn for ourselves. I will let you know that if a relationship reaches an end by either party, its over, walk away, settle things, and go NC and start moving forward. Second chances may work only after both have gotten to the point of indifference. I have read stories on here where that has happened but the odds are against it. It's alright to be angry, upset, etc but you have to remember that you allowed yourself to be manipulated and not blame her. Forgive yourself and forgive her in time. If you have the need to hook up with someone then no one is stopping you. You are a single man now, do what you think you need to do. I would suggest against it until you start realizing who you are and getting back to the point to where you are happy with yourself. I would strongly advise against rebounding right into another relationship.
Author lonelynyc Posted August 7, 2011 Author Posted August 7, 2011 Did you do something wrong, possibly by going back to her. But like everyone here, myself included. No matter all the advice that we get from people on the forums, we have to learn for ourselves. I will let you know that if a relationship reaches an end by either party, its over, walk away, settle things, and go NC and start moving forward. Second chances may work only after both have gotten to the point of indifference. I have read stories on here where that has happened but the odds are against it. It's alright to be angry, upset, etc but you have to remember that you allowed yourself to be manipulated and not blame her. Forgive yourself and forgive her in time. If you have the need to hook up with someone then no one is stopping you. You are a single man now, do what you think you need to do. I would suggest against it until you start realizing who you are and getting back to the point to where you are happy with yourself. I would strongly advise against rebounding right into another relationship. No doubt... I'm an adult, and I didn't do anything under compulsion. I made decisions (several poor ones) and will live with the consequences. Still, it might sound crazy, but I think what I needed tonight and for now is to just think about how much of a bitch she has been to me since all of this went down. Selfish, egotistical, and cruel. When she first broke up with me last month I still had her on this pedestal. I put her there, and she wasn't, isn't worthy of it. Due to the mistakes I made a long time ago I never allowed myself to fault her for anything. It was unhealthy and now I feel like the floodgates have broken and all the **** I should have acknowledged about her in the past has come to front of my consciousness. It felt good to tell my sister tonight that I'm done with my ex... Even if my heart isn't 100% there yet. Yes, I was a fool, but her never being upfront at any point in the last month except via short, insensitive texts isn't justified either. Should I be cool with that?
wilsonx Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 No doubt... I'm an adult, and I didn't do anything under compulsion. I made decisions (several poor ones) and will live with the consequences. Still, it might sound crazy, but I think what I needed tonight and for now is to just think about how much of a bitch she has been to me since all of this went down. Selfish, egotistical, and cruel. When she first broke up with me last month I still had her on this pedestal. I put her there, and she wasn't, isn't worthy of it. Due to the mistakes I made a long time ago I never allowed myself to fault her for anything. It was unhealthy and now I feel like the floodgates have broken and all the **** I should have acknowledged about her in the past has come to front of my consciousness. It felt good to tell my sister tonight that I'm done with my ex... Even if my heart isn't 100% there yet. Yes, I was a fool, but her never being upfront at any point in the last month except via short, insensitive texts isn't justified either. Should I be cool with that? This is a more positive post but still has a lot of suffering in there and I am offering advice to better cope with what you are saying. Stop using the word should. Reflect on the relationship and the decisions you and only you made. You made poor decisions, we all do, its part of life. There's absolutely nothing we can do to change what we did. Just tell yourself, oh well, I wont make that decision again and let it go and forgive yourself for it. I am happy for you that you told someone that you are done with your ex. That's a step forward towards acceptance. Just keep moving in that direction. You still have a LOT of healing to do and focusing on only yourself in the present is the best way to do that. You are allowed to grieve at your own pace for the loss but when grieving is coming to an end, make sure you come off auto pilot and start moving forward. When you ask a question that seeks validation such as "Should I be cool with that?" The only person that can answer that question for you is yourself. If you are cool with it then be cool with it. If not figure out a way to be cool with it and then let it go!
Recommended Posts