Fondue Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 I don't normally ask for advice but today I thought, "hell, why not?" Basically, I have zero experience with the online game. I'm confident when it comes to real life interaction and meeting new women in the "real world," but the internet is something I am completely dumbfounded with. I've had an OKC profile for a few months now for ****s and giggles, really. I made a comical profile and would message women with quirky little things and questions that would mainly either make them laugh and respond, or personalize messages that deal with their profile. Like asking them about something they wrote in particular. I would say about 1/3-1/2 of the women I message respond. From what I gather, that isn't too bad. I also get messages from women that start conversations with me, which I will always reply to regardless of whether or not I would ever consider that person. I'm never gonna blow off an interaction. Anyway, I also got to the point of where we would exchange texts on the phone, where the woman is happy to do so. This all sounds good, right? But my problem is either A) I get really bored and no longer consider the woman as a prospect after a few messages (or texts) when I realize that she's into me, or B) I don't know if she's into me, or just being lukewarm. I am more concerned with problem B. It is hard to decipher text. It really is. There is no physical evidence of attraction. In the real world, women would show signs of attraction when they speak with you (mostly by lightly touching your arms, chest, or or something). I simply cannot read into their messages effectively enough to know who is genuinely interested, and who is just being nice (similar to how am simply being nice to replying to the women I have no interest in). There have been many instances where I would message a woman for the first time, and she would reply quickly with a decently long message, but just answer my question and that's that. I am under the impression that when people message each other, they would ask a question back, therefor pushing the conversation further. Is that the wrong assumption? For example: I sent an attractive girl that's in a near by town this message (she said in her profile that she cannot do without a passport-- therefor signaling me she likes to travel): Despite a "low" match percentage, I actually connected with your profile rather well. It seemed pretty genuine. Anyway, decided to drop you a line. You mentioned you can't do without your passport. Where's your next trip to and why? . I don't normally put smiley faces or sound sappy like that in my initial messages, but meh, some other girl sent me a similar message a few minutes before and I guess I more or less copied her and put it in this message. Sounded normal. Her response, about half an hour later: 1st thing, why aren't you smiling in any of your pictures. 2nd thing, it's really ironic that your user name is "fondue-gr" because at this exact moment I am looking up fondue recipes. 3rd, Praha is on my list (but not at the top). I want to hit the middle east next or Thailand and then Africa (when I have money). I mentioned in my profile that I like to travel and my next trip is going to be to the Czech Republic (which would seem that she mentions Prague in her message to connect with that, or am I just assuming things?). See, with her message, I am left without knowing whether or not she is interested in any further conversation, or should I just leave it. Normally, I would just not continue this interaction because it seems close-ended to me. Nothing much to build up on. I mean, I can ask her about why she wants to go to those places, but I already asked that in my initial message, and she chose not to respond to it. Therefor it leads me to believe she simply is being courteous in replying. Would I be right, or wrong? Another instance, a few days ago, was this--> A girl mentioned in her profile she likes to learn languages and has a laundry list of languages she is able to speak. So I sent her this message: What exactly do you mean by "relearning french?" Have you at one point knew how to speak it and forgot? Can't say I ever randomly forgot a language . Sounds innocent enough, right? She replied: So we had to take a language in high school and I took french for 2 years. And then never spoke it after that- so, yes, I forgot the language. Also, the way we learned from a book was not the best way since I couldn't really carry on a conversation. It is a beautiful language, so I would like to eventually re-learn it! Again, there is no "in" here anymore. Just a closed conversation. Nothing else to build up on. I can ask her more about it, but why should I choose to do so? Wouldn't it be reasonable to assume if she was interested, she would reply with something more open? Or am I just misinterpreting? There are many cases of these kinds of messages in my inbox. I typically choose not to go any further than that. The only women I went further into contact were those that replied with messages that also asked about me and my profile. We would go back and forth like that for a few times until I gave them my number, and we went from there. It seemed to work well. Basically my question is, what is reasonable when it comes to interpreting interest in the online world? Before anyone asks, I don't think I am looking for a potential LTR online. I think I'm just growing a list of acquaintances and people I would to meet, spend some time with, possibly have naked fun with, and maybe go from there. I am only being honest here, folks.
murrpanda Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Hmm, if guys send me messages and don't ask any questions, then I'm probably going to stop replying. I suggest you do the same. I have an OKC profile and Match.com and when I'm interested, I make a point to ask people questions about themselves... in other words keep a conversation going. Also, you shouldn't reply to every girl that messages you. It might seem rude, but you're giving them the wrong idea by responding when you have no interest what-so-ever.
AThoughtfulMan Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 I can't speak for everybody's online experience but before finally meeting a girl without the internet, I tried dating sites for a good while. E-harmony, OkCupid, Match.com, etc... 1)If possible, make sure you're not being deceived. A lot of people put information out there that is cross-reference-able. For example, a girl that messaged me on a dating site had her real name and e-mail address so I looked her up on facebook. There was a picture of her kissing another guy. From my perspective, she was either still involved with that guy or fresh off a break up. 1b) The same goes for pictures. I've been a victim of photo shopped and/or perfectly angled pictures that gave me a false sense of what the person really looked like, which can make the first time meeting really awkward if you like the person they are. Also some people will use outdated pictures. It can be disappointing sometimes. 2)Take your time getting to know them before letting them have more personal info. Not everyone on the internet is out to get us, but at the same time it's easy to be whoever we want to be online. I talked to a girl who I thought was amazing online and I actually made the decision to meet her in person about a month later. She turned out to be... well.. missing a few screws. 3)Pay attention to how they respond to your messages. Interested people will not only answer your questions, they will also offer up basic things about themselves and ask questions because they want to know more about you. If you're getting the vibe that it's one sided where you're asking the questions and she's just answering it's not likely that more will come of it.
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