KiChan Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 The last four months has been a sceen from a lifetime movie...or an upcoming one. I packed my huband of 7 years things and left them at the front door yesterday only to come home and find them all gone. My drastic measures always seem to backfire in my face, and I am left to pick up the pieces of the explosion that took place. Married to an only child and his mother. MIL is not into the day-to-day issues directly, but indirectly. We have two daughters (one together) and the mil really thinks she is her's and his together. I always say if they find my body stuffed some where question not only the H, but the mil too! My H's OW is basketball. For the 9 years we have been together I have had to fight to try get him to cut down on his playtime, all he has ever heard was STOP playing... Cutting to the meat. There has been name calling and verbal beatdowns on my part early on. I have made a conscience effort to stop beating him down, but it may have been too late. I believe has built up a resistance that has allowed to to run from me and retreat to his mom. He left his mom's house at 29 and moved in with me, and now he is back with her. We've always been two ships passing in the night, with the occasional pit stops at the lighthouse to try to work at something.. what I don't know. He's stop touching, talking, holding, kissing, and I have tried everything in my power to bring us back to the point where we use to be. I believe he is just in tuned with being treated more like a child than a man...I have expectations of my H and he should of me. But he runs to his mom's when I try to talk when there is a problem we have to address. He runs in hopes that it will go away. I believe his problem is that he does not want to be accountable for his part in the failing of the marriage. It's all my fault. So when I file for D it too will be my fault. He says I yell D for small stuff, well lying and failure to communicate to any degree with your W isn't small by any means. He is a wonderful father and person as a whole. But a poor H, looks to me he is a perfect momma's boy and so I sent him back! As much as it hurts, but it doesn't hurt as much in just exsisting in a lifeless marriage. Have I given up too soon?
imagine Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 KiChan, Read up the article at marriagebuilders.com and most especially about lovebusters. You had an AO (Angry Outburst), this as well as the others just kills a lovebank. Stop it. Learn and teach marriage building to your husband.
Lexygirl Posted August 7, 2011 Posted August 7, 2011 Only you can answer the question... Have I given up too soon. HOnestly, I think that is one of THE hardest questions we all face when we see such a brick wall in front of us when married BUT if you can find a way to get through that brick wall together, it can be very rewarding. Have you two discussed marriage counseling? Do you see any give on his part? Using his mom as an escape is just that.... another escape. Only when a couple stops running can they finally figure out what the relationship needs to work. Perhaps this separation will be the ticket for you two to start communicating... that is the key communication. His mom may very well be a huge influence on him and his life still and it's nice if he is close to her but he may soon see that he needs a balance... obviously he married you for a reason. Time will tell if he will start to make necessary changes but you can only control YOU so that means possibly looking inside and figuring out what changes you need to do to make this marriage work (sounds like you started making some changes) ... and again.... communication. Good luck.
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